Month: June 2015

Zeta One (1969)

ZETA ONE (1969)
(a.k.a. THE LOVE FACTOR)
Article #675 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing date: 1-19-2003
Posting date: 6-18-2003

Spies investigate a man who is trying to destroy a planet of women.

There are many naked and topless women in this movie. I’m getting this comment out of the way because I highly suspect that this is most likely the movie’s primary appeal. It’s certainly not the story, which sits there idly for almost twenty minutes at the beginning while the spy flirts with a female visitor and ends up playing strip poker with her; it’s obvious in this case that the plot is the filler, not the strip poker. Despite the superspy approach, there’s really not much in the way of action or violence; even the scene where the bad guys torture one of the women for information seems rather toothless in this regard. Even the alien women who attack in the last part of the movie defeat their enemies by gesturing at them, which causes them to fall down. To sum up, it’s better than ORGY OF THE DEAD (though not as funny), classier than DRACULA: THE DIRTY OLD MAN, and less pretentious than RAPE OF THE VAMPIRE, though it’s probably as stupid as any one of them. The most noteworthy moments in this movie (that don’t involve nudity) are the world’s fastest revolving door and the world’s rudest elevator.

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The Batman (1943)

THE BATMAN (1943)
Article #674 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing date: 1-18-2003
Posting date: 6-17-2003

Batman and Robin do battle with the evil spy from Japan, Prince Daka.

David Letterman once had a top ten list of Batman’s top ten peeves. The last one went roughly, “People who call him THE Batman; it’s just Batman, damnit!” This may be a big fuss over nothing, but even I have to admit that I flinch when I hear him called “The Batman,” and I’m no Batman purist. I do a lot of flinching during this serial.

In fact, it reminds me of CAPTAIN MIDNIGHT more than any other incarnation of Batman, and seeing how this is also by Columbia (as was CM), that’s probably why. I don’t know what Batman was like in the comics in the forties, but I can’t help but be a bit disappointed to see Batman being driven around in a perfectly normal car by Alfred the butler (no Batmobile), and I can’t help but feel a little dubious about the fact that the Batcave consists of little more than a few fake bats and an office desk. The most prominent gadget in the serial is a radium gun, and that’s an item of the bad guys rather than Batman’s. Worst of all, though, is that Prince Daka has none of the compelling fun of a real Batman villain; he’s nothing more than a run-of-the-mill serial bad guy, and even J. Carrol Naish seems bored playing him (though he does have a fine moment when he’s feeding his gators and begins to get ideas of what else to feed them). The anti-Japanese racism was a product of its time, but it does render the serial somewhat unfit for impressionable children. It’s my belief Batman has been handled much better on many other occasions.

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The Yesterday Machine (1963)

THE YESTERDAY MACHINE (1963)
Article #673 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing date: 1-17-2003
Posting date: 6-16-2003

When a modern-day teenager is shot by civil war soldiers and his girlfriend disappears into thin air, the police and a reporter investigate.

The first half of this cheaply-made Southern science fiction thriller is a little better than you might expect; it’s talky and static, but the talk was interesting enough that it held my attention. The acting during this half hovers somewhere between wooden and subtle; it’s certainly a lot more low-key than you might expect. The second half is another matter; all the female characters start becoming hysterical at every opportunity, and we meet a Nazi mad scientist who wavers back and forth between endless pseudo-science blather about relativity, time and space, and maniacal speeches defending Hitler; for those looking for a camp experience, this is where it can be found. Yes, it’s pretty bad, but not as bad as it could have been, and it does hold my attention. What I like most about it, though, is that it’s still around; this is one of those Southern movies that is all but forgotten nowadays, but has somehow survived the passage of time to remain with us. It was definitely forgotten at one point; the Walt Lee book doesn’t mention it at all. Take it as a curio and you might just enjoy it.

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The World of the Vampires (1960)

THE WORLD OF THE VAMPIRES (1960)
Article #672 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-16-2003
Posting Date: 6-15-2003

A vampire swears to destroy the only three remaining members of the Colman family.

This Mexican vampire-fest gets a little dullish at times when certain scenes drag on too long, but this is offset by some very interesting variations on the vampire legend. The vampire keeps a horde of sub-human vampires AND a horde of beautiful women as his followers, and the movie takes a very different direction in how to defeat vampires, with music instead of the usual crosses and stakes. It also has some entertainingly moody cavern sets. It also finally puts to rest an old wives tale; if you really want to know what causes hair to grow on the back of your hands, the answer is here.

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What (1963)

WHAT (1963)
(a.k.a. THE WHIP AND THE BODY)
Article #671 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-15-2003
Posting Date: 6-14-2003

The sadistic son of a nobleman returns home and is murdered. A woman then finds herself haunted by his ghost.

Yes, this movie did actually go out under the truly awful title of WHAT, a move that most likely resulted in failing to capture the public’s attention, but ultimately may have confused it with a similarly titled movie by Roman Polanski movie released the same decade. The other title, THE WHIP AND THE BODY, is not only better, but more descriptive. In fact, this is a pretty amazing movie. One of the common qualities of Italian horror that has the potential to drive me away is their emphasis on sadism; some of them dwell so much on the torture of women they become nearly unwatchable. This is one of the exceptions, and this is partly because the sadism is so strongly a part of the characters and the story that it feels essential rather than exploitative; it defines the characters and the way they behave, and it adds a surprising amount of substance and depth to the story. This, plus Mario Bava’s usual visual touches, make the movie a unique, fascinating horror movie, and it even contains a certain amount of Lewtonesque ambiguity. Some people think it may be Bava’s finest movie; I haven’t seen all of his work to be sure, yet, but I would go so far to say that this one is definitely in the running. It features Christopher Lee and Daliah Levi (in great performances).

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War of the Colossal Beast (1958)

WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST (1958)
Article #670 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-14-2003
Posting Date: 6-13-2003

The sister of the Amazing Colossal Man believes him to still be alive in Mexico.

About halfway through this movie they run a six-minute montage of the most memorable scenes from THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN, the movie to which this is a sequel, and despite that movie’s flaws, there’s no doubt it has some quite memorable scenes. Unfortunately, it also made me realize how unnecessary this sequel is; it spends about half of its time turning him into a standard giant-monster threat (though the rampage is even less substantial than the one in the original) and the other half trying to work up sympathy for his plight. Unfortunately, the actor playing him is stripped of both voice (he utters one word at the end of the film) and facial expression (the hideous makeup is shocking, but leaves him little to work with as an actor), and this gives us little chance to really care about him as a character other than our memories of the first film. None of the other characters in the first movie appear in this one, with his fiancee having been replaced by a sister, though I do notice some of the actors in the original are back in this one; unfortunately, almost all of the new characters are uninteresting and bland, with the possible exception of the Mexican police official who vanishes from the story at about a third of the way through in a sequence that fades out too soon. This would be the second one-eyed giant that Bert I. Gordon would give us, the first being in THE CYCLOPS, which, in all honesty, is not as good as this one.

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Voodoo Woman (1957)

VOODOO WOMAN (1957)
Article #669 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-13-2003
Posting Date: 6-12-2003

A mad scientist tampers with voodoo in order to create an invincible monster.

It’s serious lapse-of-taste time on my part, folks; I actually like this silly voodoo movie, despite the ridiculous story and the fact that it’s sitting on IMDB with a 2.7 rating (at this point). It may be nothing more than the fact that there were enough fun characters and energy to keep my attention throughout; maybe it was because the print I was watching was very good in comparison with the murky print of the serial episode I watched with it. Whatever the case, I found it plain dumb fun, and far less boring than some of the other voodoo flicks I’ve seen. Maybe I should also credit Edward L. Cahn, a director who on occasion reminds me sometimes of the philosopher’s stone (the legendary element that was able to transform lead into gold). And though I would hardly say that this story was transformed into gold, I will go so far as to say it was transformed into more interesting lead.

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The Vampire’s Coffin (1957)

THE VAMPIRE’S COFFIN (1957)
Article #668 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-12-2003
Posting Date: 6-11-2003

A doctor and his suspicious assistant steal the coffin and body of a vampire in order to run tests, and end up resurrecting the vampire.

Ahh, some good old-fashioned Mexican monster scares! This is a sequel to THE VAMPIRE (a Mexican movie not to be confused with an American movie of the same title made the same year), and like that movie, it features two of my favorite Mexican horror actors; Abel Salazar (who played Baron Vitalia in THE BRAINIAC) and German Robles (who played the title role in the Nostradamus movies). At least, they’re my favorites inasmuch as I can say, since I’ve only heard their work via dubbed movies; nonetheless, they are comfortable horror presences and seem to be decent actors. Salazar’s character seems to have a comic streak here; granted, the dubbed dialogue is amusing anyway, but there’s something in his body language and reactions that tells me the character was comic on purpose. It’s all pretty silly, and I find it a little irresistible. It also includes a scene where a person running from the vampire chooses to hide in the absolutely worst place imaginable; I would say more, but that would ruin the fun.

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The Undead (1957)

THE UNDEAD (1957)
Article #667 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-11-2003
Posting Date: 6-10-2003

A hypnotist regresses a street-walker back to a former life where she is a woman falsely accused of witchcraft.

The above description makes this Roger Corman movie sound like another stab at the Bridey Murphy story, but that description just doesn’t do this movie justice. In fact, I’m not sure any description could; this is unlike any movie ever made, and certainly may be the most original to come from Corman and Charles B. Griffiths. At first, the past-life angle seems like a frame to tell a story of witchcraft, but it isn’t; it ends up playing an unexpectedly active part in the storyline at about the halfway point, and from there the movie veers off into some fascinating directions. The medieval spectacle is pretty pallid, but that’s forgiveable; they just didn’t have the money. It’s peopled with interesting characters and familiar faces; Mel Welles practically steals the movie as Digger Smolkin, who spends most of his time singing nursery rhymes with changed lyrics (usually about coffins), but Alison Hayes is also on hand, as well as Bruno Ve Sota, Billy Barty, Dick Miller and Richard Garland. I wasn’t quite sure what I thought of it all until the final twist at the end of the movie, and I found the final twist so clever it won me over. This is definitely one of the oddest horror movies ever made.

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Manos, the Hands of Fate (1966)

MANOS, THE HANDS OF FATE (1966)
Article #666 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-10-2003
Posting Date: 6-9-2003

A family gets lost on the road and stays at a strange house with a demonic master.

Eleven thoughts on this one.

1. This movie, like PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, has gained a reputation in certain circles as the worst movie ever made.

2. Unlike PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, I would never recommend the movie to a bad film fanatic looking for a good laugh. Not that it’s not bad; it is. It’s just not bad in a laughable way.

3. Part of the reason it’s not funny is that it gets under your skin in ways that make it hard to laugh off. Like it or not, the movie does get to you on certain levels.

4. One of the ways it gets to you is through the character of Torgo. His twitchy, big-kneed character with the bizarre speech patterns gives such an unsettlingly strange performance that you wonder whether it is actually a performance at all; you get the feeling he may have been like that in real life. I don’t know one way or the other, but the very fact that the question arises is enough to make me a little queasy.

5. The ending of the movie has a plot point (concerning the couple’s child) that also has impact. It may also leave you with the feeling that you’ve just seen the sickest movie ever made.

6. Imagine that your most boring neighbors insist on showing thirty hours of vacation footage shot while they were driving through the dullest section of the world. Imagine they’ve decided to enhance these cinematic endeavours with the most appallingly tepid elevator music they’ve been able to find. This will give you a good idea of the first fifteen minutes of this movie.

7. I don’t consider this movie the worst I’ve ever seen. What is? Don’t get me started…

8. Even if I don’t consider it the worst movie ever made, it certainly has the most awesomely bad post-production tinkering I’ve ever heard; it is rife with missed sound effects, stupid editing, and horrendous dubbing, and it’s already in English.

9. There is a scene here where several women have a catfight while wearing see-through negligees that allow you to see their bras and panties. It doesn’t help.

10. It’s merely a coincidence that this movie came up in the numerical order it did (check the number above).

11. I’m not entirely sure about number 10.

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