Battle Beneath the Earth (1967)

BATTLE BENEATH THE EARTH (1967)
Article #1232 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 7-29-2004
Posting Date: 12-26-2004
Directed by Montgomery Tully
Featuring Kerwin Mathews, Vivienne Ventura, Robert Ayres

The military discovers that a Chinese war lord is planning to destroy the United States via an invasion involving a vast network of underground tunnels.

“Yellow Peril” movies made a bit of comeback in the late sixties, what with the resurrection of the Fu Manchu series and movies like this one. Though I suspect that this movie aspired to be something more, it really is no more serious than your average James Bond movie, and despite the absence of spies, it plays off like a low-budget variation of one. In fact, the whole movie is pretty silly. The first person to realize the danger behaves so incoherently bizarre that it’s no wonder he was locked up, yet he somehow remains perfectly coherent once someone believes him and he is released. We also have a scene of people setting off an atomic bomb to explode in ten minutes, and then hoping that they can outrun the blast on foot. It’s also been a long time since I’ve seen a movie with so many Caucasians in oriental makeup. Still, despite all the silliness (or maybe even because of it), the movie does manage to be sporadically entertaining; it’s just not to be taken very seriously.

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The Bamboo Saucer (1968)

THE BAMBOO SAUCER (1968)
Article #1231 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 7-28-2004
Posting Date: 12-25-2004
Directed by Frank Telford
Featuring Dan Duryea, John Ericson, Lois Nettleton

A test pilot becomes a part of a scientific investigative team secretly sent to Red China to look into a report of a flying saucer hidden there. There they encounter a Russian investigative team that is there for the same reason.

Though it’s a fairly minor science fiction epic, I found myself enjoying this one much more than I had anticipated. One of the reasons for this is that it manages to avoid certain cynical expectations of mine. Once the action shifts to Red China, I feared that the movie would spend the rest of its running length as an espionage thriller, with the flying saucer only entering into the picture at the very end, where it is promptly destroyed or where it is discovered that the saucer is not extraterrestrial; in other words, I was thinking it would prove to be a rehash of THE FLYING SAUCER. Such is not the case, I am glad to say. Overall, the movie has a certain likable charm that makes up for any flaws, and it does have a message about international cooperation, though I can’t help but note that it does so by making sure the Americans and the Russians still have a common enemy. The movie also has an unexpectedly fun ending when the scientists finally get the flying saucer off the ground.

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Demon Hunter (1965)

DEMON HUNTER (1965)
(a.k.a. THE LEGEND OF BLOOD MOUNTAIN)
Article #1230 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 7-27-2004
Posting Date: 12-24-2004
Directed by Massey Cramer
Featuring George Ellis, Marianne Gordon, Erin Fleming

A reporter hopes to get his big break by covering the story of the monster of Blood Mountain.

Our hero’s name is Bestoink Dooley.

He’s fat, incompetent, and looks kind of like Zero Mostel.

He eats cookies and drinks milk in bed while listening to an Easy Listening radio station. We have an extended sequence in this movie where he does this. By the way, I’m fairly sure whoever was responsible for the music on the Easy Listening station was responsible for the rest of the music in the movie as well.

His boss doesn’t want Bestoink in his office because he knocks ashtrays into his lap and steps on his cigars.

Bestoink dreams of having beautiful women give him drinks and hand him cigars. He then dreams his name is in the headlines.

We see lots of scenes of Bestoink walking. We see lots of scenes of Bestoink driving. On the plus side, Bestoink has a cool antique car.

Bestoink interviews a man who wants to talk about the annual cemetery cleaning. It appears that this is the big event of the town.

The legend of Blood Mountain is that when a bloodstain appears on the mountain, the monster is loose. He tears the hearts out of his victims and drinks their blood. Bestoink is too fast for him, though.

My print runs 65 minutes. The actual movie runs 76 minutes. Apparently, the video is missing 11 minutes of footage. Unfortunately, the footage appears to be from the middle of the movie. If they kept the whole interminable beginning of the movie in favor of this eleven minutes in the middle, I can only speculate on how bad it must have been.

I think the movie is a comedy. It’s hard to tell with nary a laugh in sight.

I could go on, but why bother? This one’s a stinker, pure and simple. It’s one of those movies that continues running its footage in blithe ignorance of the fact that absolutely nothing is happening for most of its length. It’s the cinematic equivalent of watching paint dry; it’s as exciting, as emotionally fulfilling, and as interesting to write about.

I lost 65 minutes of my life today.

I have nothing more to say.

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The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues (1956)

THE PHANTOM FROM 10,000 LEAGUES (1956)
Article #1229 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 7-26-2004
Posting Date: 12-23-2004
Directed by Dan Milner
Featuring Kent Taylor, Cathy Downs, Michael Whalen

A series of murders near the beach are the result of an underwater monster created by radiation.

Title Check: First of all, it’s no phantom. Second, since it can be found just a short ways off of the shore at a fairly shallow depth (and it’s too busy guarding a chunk of uranium to put in much in the way of travel mileage), I don’t know here they get the “10,000 Leagues”, either.

Ten thoughts on this one…

1) The director of this worked in that capacity on one other genre movie. That movie was FROM HELL IT CAME, the killer tree movie. That should give you a little idea what you’re getting into here.

2) Actually, the opening sequence of the monster attack isn’t all that bad; it sets the mood and catches your attention. Of course, it has an advantage that the rest of the movie doesn’t have; nobody’s opened up their mouth to talk yet.

3) This movie has some of the clunkiest dialogue I have ever heard. It’s one of those cases where every line sounds mannered and artificial when actually spoken by a real human being. It takes an especially talented actor to deliver this kind of dialogue with conviction, but I’m afraid none of the cast members have quite that level of expertise.

4) Actually, the monster itself is not bad considering the budget of the movie. It’s certainly not up to the level of the Creature from the Black Lagoon, but it’s better than the monsters from either MONSTER FROM THE OCEAN FLOOR or CREATURE FROM THE HAUNTED SEA. It does not however look anything like the sleek otter-like creature used prominently in the advertising.

5) Our hero is a scientist who has written classic books on the effects of radiation on marine biology. He is working on an undercover investigation of the murders. To cover up his identity, he comes up with a fake name. Unfortunately, he tries to pull this trick on a fellow marine biologist, despite the fact that a) his books are rather well known among marine biologists, and b) one of his books has his photograph emblazoned across the cover of it. Conclusion: for a scientist, he’s none too smart.

6) Now, let’s take a look at the secretary. She’s snoopy. In fact, she’s really snoopy. I’d say she was the snoopiest secretary I’ve ever seen in a movie. Not only that, but when she snoops, she usually gets caught. So how does she act when she gets caught snooping? Why, she acts guilty as hell. Despite all this, her employer the professor (who is usually the one who catches her snooping) keeps her on, though he does vaguely threaten her with a spear gun at one point. Conclusion: this professor isn’t one of the brightest stars in the sky himself.

7) Where did the professor get the spear gun? Why, from his handy dandy spear gun wall display in his main office, all of them loaded and ready for use. If I were the secretary, I’d be pretty worried about this; after all, not only does she get vaguely threatened with a spear gun by her boss, she also gets more explicitly threatened with one of the spear guns by the would-be spy. Maybe somebody should lock up those spear guns…

8) Now let’s take a look at that would-be spy. He’s supposed to find out the secrets the professor is hiding so he can sell them to a foreign country. His brilliant plan to acquire these secrets consists of one and only one strategy; to try to convince the secretary to let him into the professor’s locked laboratory. Far be it from me to advise anyone to take up a life of crime, but if this guy had taken up breaking and entering, and learned how to pick a lock, he just might have opened up his options a bit.

9) The investigators first meet the would-be spy when they hear him moving in the bushes while they’re looking at the body of the fisherman. They find him carrying (you guessed it) a spear gun. He claims that he was going to go out diving, though he is neither wearing a diving outfit nor carrying one. They ask him why he’s going diving so late at night during one of the most brightly lit scenes in the whole movie.

When some more bodies are discovered on the beach, the spy shoots a spear at one of the investigators. Up to this point, the spy really hasn’t done anything illegal; the bodies on the beach are the result of monster attacks. So why does this spy insist on trying to kill the investigators, especially with a weapon that is easily traceable (that board in the professor’s office), that he’s been seen carrying, and that leaves behind ammunition large enough to leave fingerprints? My guess is that he’s so incompetent at trying to get the professor’s secrets that he needs to do something to justify his existence. Conclusion: compared to this guy, the professor and the scientist come across as geniuses.

10) At least one person actually dies from a spear attack in this movie. They are shot at from their right side, and the spear ends up sticking squarely in their back. I didn’t know that spearguns shot with that much of a curve.

Conclusion: This is one of those movies where it’s best not to think too hard about what’s going on.

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The Wolf Dog (1933)

THE WOLF DOG (1933)
(Serial)
Article #1228 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 7-25-2004
Posting Date: 12-22-2004
Directed by Colbert Clark and Harry L. Fraser
Featuring Rin Tin Tin Jr., Frankie Darro, George J. Lewis

A boy slated to be the heir of the Courtney fortune finds himself constantly in danger due to the machinations of his guardian. The guardian is also after the secret behind a sailor’s invention: a device that can blow up vehicles by igniting the gasoline within.

One of the things I enjoyed about THE ADVENTURES OF REX AND RINTY was that the serial was actually telling their stories; it was only as that serial progressed that the story shifted to that of the humans and the animals became secondary characters. This serial accomplishes that trick halfway through the first episode; top-billed Rin Tin Tin Jr. plays a dog who crashes in the jungle with his owner, and becomes the leader of a pack of wolves. He is then rescued by a young boy who is also on the run, and that pretty much ends his story arc; from then on, he mostly pops up on occasion to defend the boy against those who wish to kill him, and even then he plays second banana to the sailor who is the boy’s primary defender. On its own terms, it’s entertaining enough, and the villain does a good job of convincingly pretending that he’s actually a friend so it’s understandable why it takes a while for everyone to catch on. Unfortunately, the budget constraints shine through; at the top of each episode, a greater than usual amount of footage is used from the previous episode to lead into the cliffhanger, and practically every episode from the fourth one on recycles footage from one of the earlier episodes. Quite frankly, I prefer REX AND RINTY.

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One Million Years B.C. (1966)

ONE MILLION YEARS B.C. (1966)
Article #1227 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 7-24-2004
Posting Date: 12-21-2004
Directed by Don Chaffey
Featuring Raquel Welch, John Richardson, Percy Herbert

When one of the sons of a prehistoric primitive tribe known as the Rock People is banished, he makes his way to a more civilized tribe known as the Shell People.

Back when I covered ONE MILLION B.C. (the movie of which this one is a remake), I mentioned that the primary appeal of this type of movie is twofold; to see dinosaurs and to see cavepeople in skimpy outfits. Actually, that is a bit of a simplification; though these movies are absurd on a realistic level, they do have their uses as moral fables (the movies do have something to say about the two sides of human nature and how each side is necessary for survival), and they can also be interesting in cinematic terms, in that by reducing the amount of dialogue to a minimum, it challenges those in charge to make these movies work on a purely visual level. After all, if there’s one thing you usually can’t say about a caveman epic, it’s that it talks you to death.

On the cinematic level, I think this one works just fine; it’s probably a bit more enjoyable than the earlier version. On the moral fable level, this one is a little more confused, especially towards the end, when the story seems to lose itself in the special effects for the earthquake sequence; the earlier movie gets the edge in this case. As to those more basic levels of appeal, this one has the advantage of Ray Harryhausen’s special effects, which are excellent as usual; I was even amused that a slurpasaur is tossed into the proceedings, and that the scene that uses it is fairly well staged. Unfortunately, there really isn’t very much dinosaur footage, and the movie sorely needs another one towards the end. And as for the cavepeople in skimpy outfits, I’m afraid there really isn’t much in the way of a contest between this one and the original; I don’t think Carole Landis ever made the same splash that Raquel Welch made here.

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Now You See Him, Now You Don’t (1972)

NOW YOU SEE HIM, NOW YOU DON’T (1972)
Article #1226 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 7-23-2004
Posting Date: 12-20-2004
Directed by Robert Butler
Featuring Kurt Russell, Cesar Romero, Joe Flynn

Due to a freak accident, a science student creates an invisibility formula. He hopes to use it to win a science award, which will allow the dean of the college to pay off the mortgage to gangsters intent on foreclosing on the college to open a casino on the property. However, the gangsters discover the invisibility formula, and must have it for themselves.

If you take a peek at the cast and the plot description, you won’t need to be told that this movie is from Disney to know that we’re deep into “shopping cart” territory here. Invisibility comedies are nothing new, of course, but the folks at Disney do manage to find some new twists to the gimmick and they do have the special effects wherewithal to pull it off for the most part. The golf game is a bit of disappointment; with an invisible man guiding the ball, we do expect it to do impossible things, but for the most part, those movements don’t look as if they were being guided by an invisible man; the ball is just doing strange things. The best special effects are in the final chase scene, where the students and the cops combine forces to chase the crooks in an invisible car; not only are they effective, but they’re fun and creative, and this is easily the best part of the movie. One odd little touch; since the most memorable image of an invisible man is that of him being wrapped from head to toe in bandages, it’s rather ironic that the only character who ends up wrapped in this fashion is not due to invisibility. The movie also features Jim Backus and Ed Begley Jr.

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Nightmare in Blood (1978)

NIGHTMARE IN BLOOD (1978)
Article #1225 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 7-22-2004
Posting Date: 12-19-2004
Directed by John Stanley
Featuring Kerwin Mathews, Jerry Walter, Dan Caldwell

A horror star invited to appear at a horror convention in San Francisco turns out to be a real vampire.

This movie was written and directed by John Stanley, who served as a horror host for six years in Oakland, California, and has since published several editions of a “Creature Feature” horror guide. His movie has a good premise and an interesting backdrop for the action, and it attempts to connect the dots between any number of horror concepts. Vampires are combined with slasher characters (the Burke and Hare characters), and has a Nazi background (the Van Helsing character Ben-Halik is Jewish). We have a comic-book worshipper, a Sherlockian, a sarcastic horror host, and a crusading psychologist (who condemns horror films) in the mix, as well is a janitor who misses the silent horror movies. There is a wealth of posters and comic-book covers on display, famous horror actors are name-dropped right and left, and several movies are referenced, including THE THING (FROM ANOTHER WORLD). As a result, there is quite a bit here to catch the interest of a horror fan. Unfortunately, it’s lifelessly directed, it never really gels, and though it offers the possibility for some satire, it never really takes advantage of the opportunity. One interesting touch is that the title of this movie is also the title of one of the movies in which the horror actor appeared; its opening credits provide the end credits for this one. Kerwin Mathews only appears in the first three minutes of the movie.

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The Night Strangler (1973)

THE NIGHT STRANGLER (1973)
Article #1224 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 7-21-2004
Posting Date: 12-18-2004
Directed by Dan Curtis
Featuring Darren McGavin, Jo Ann Pflug, Simon Oakland

Kolchak covers a series of strangulation murders which point to a killer who may be more than one hundred years old.

I first became familiar with Carl Kolchak via the TV series, and when I watched THE NIGHT STALKER for the first time many years after this, I was slightly put off by the differences in Kolchak’s character from that movie in comparison to how he would later develop. The Kolchak here is much closer to the one of the series, and this TV-movie plays somewhat like an extended episode of the series, though I would have to say that it does a better job of building the tension, especially during the final fifteen minutes. Darren McGavin and Simon Oakland are excellent as usual here, and it’s a great deal of fun watching Carl Kolchak interact with characters played by the likes of John Carradine, Wally Cox, Al Lewis, and the wicked witch herself, Margaret Hamilton. That was one of the joys I’ve always had from the Kolchak series; though the character of Kolchak is one the greatest and most memorable I’ve ever encountered, the stories never relied solely on his appeal, but were peopled by other strong and interesting characters. The basic story is a variation on THE MAN IN HALF MOON STREET, and the cast also included Jo Ann Pflug and Richard Anderson.

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Night of the Bloody Apes (1968)

NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APES (1968)
(a.k.a. LA HORRIPILANTE BESTIA HUMANA)
Article #1223 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 7-20-2004
Posting Date: 12-17-2004
Directed by Rene Cardona
Featuring Armando Silvestre, Norma Lazareno, Jose Elias Moreno

A doctor desperate to save the life of his son transplants the heart of a gorilla into his body. Unfortunately, this turns his son into a half man / half beast who then goes on a violent rampage.

One of the things I love about much of the Mexican horror I’ve screened so far is underneath all the silliness and wrestling there was a sense of charming innocence. This remake of DOCTOR OF DOOM has certain things going for it. For one thing, I like the use of color; especially during the wrestling scenes. Also, I like the fact that the doctor performing the operations is not a madman out to rule the world, but a grieving father who wishes to save the life of his only son. However, the sense of innocence is gone. In its place, we get gratuitous gore (open-heart surgery, several graphic mutilation sequences) and gratuitous sex and nudity (a rape sequence and a lot of female nudity). It’s always a bit gratuitous to have a woman interrupted while she’s in the shower; to have it happen twice in the same movie also shows a real lack of imagination as well. In some ways, it shows a bit more skill than some other Mexican horror movies, but I really mourn the loss of innocence here, even if much of the silliness is still intact; after all, how many movies have their monster running around in pajamas during the last half?

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