Murder, He Says (1945)

MURDER, HE SAYS (1945)
Article 2401 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-23-2007
Posting Date: 3-9-2008
Directed by George Marshall
Featuring Fred MacMurray, Helen Walker, Marjorie Main

An itinerant pollster finds himself trapped with a family of insane hillbillies who believe he knows the whereabouts of a treasure.

There’s no adequate way to describe this truly bizarre and frequently hilarious comedy, but if I call it a hillbilly variation on an ‘old dark house’ story, I get pretty close. The movie features a hidden treasure, a whip-wielding Marjorie Main, poisoned and possibly radioactive water (it makes everything glow in the dark), two stupid twins (one with a crick in his back so you can tell them apart), a nonsense song that holds the key to the treasure, an escaped criminal, a woman disguising herself as an escaped criminal, an imaginary ghost named Smedley, a truck-powered hay machine, a “Lazy Susan” rotating table, poisoned gravy and Fred MacMurray. The fantastic elements are probably the poison and the ghost. There’s some great scenes here; the scene at dinner where everyone tries to avoid the poison gravy, the scene where MacMurray conjures up a ghost to scare the twins, the scene where MacMurray has to pretend that he has someone else’s legs, and the finale in the barn all come to mind. It simply must be seen to be believed. Recommended, but only when you’re in a really silly mood.

 

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Dracula in Istanbul (1953)

DRACULA IN ISTANBUL (1953)
aka Drakula Istanbul’da
Article 2400 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-22-2007
Posting Date: 3-8-2008
Directed by Mehmet Muhtar
Featuring Atif Kaptan, Annie Ball, Bulent Oran

Dracula leaves his castle in Romania to seek new blood in Istanbul.

This being the first horror movie from Turkey that I’ve seen, it has an enormous amount of novelty value. As a result, several aspects of the movie that might ordinarily be turn-offs ended up adding to the ambiance of the whole experience, such as a general creakiness to the proceedings, sloppy and bizarre use of music, and the fact that I’m watching it both undubbed and unsubtitled. Fortunately, the story more or less follows the Bram Stoker novel, so a working familiarity with the latter will help you along. Some of the differences between the movie and the novel are striking; it takes place in the present, so we often get motor cars and trains in place of stagecoaches. For me, the oddest difference is the omission of Renfield; however, in its place, we have lots of exotic dancing and a bath scene. My print is far from the best, but the ambiance puts this over, though the lack of subtitles did make things a little dull on occasion. Still, it does make for an interesting variation on the story.

 

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Tower of Evil (1972)

TOWER OF EVIL (1972)
aka Horror on Snape Island
Article 2399 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-21-2007
Posting Date: 3-7-2008
Directed by Jim O’Connolly
Featuring Bryant Haliday, Jill Haworth, Mark Edwards

A team of researchers go to Snape Island to find a Phoenician treasure. However, the island has a bad history of multiple murders having been committed on it, and soon the researchers discover they’re not alone on the island…

This movie starts out strong with a pair of sailors making their way to the island in question and finding it littered with bloody corpses and a madwoman. Unfortunately, it goes somewhat downhill from there for various reasons; the nudity and sex is gratuitous, the character development seems more interested in the characters’ sex lives than anything else, there are occasional attempts to shock that fall flat (I can understand having one of the woman drop a plate of food by being startled, but when what startles her is the sound what sounds like someone playing the recorder in the distance, you really feel the movie is overplaying its hand), and the revelations just aren’t all that great. Still, it has its moments, and is quite moody at times. I have to admit I have a fondness for the alternate title, HORROR ON SNAPE ISLAND, but I keep confusing with these other movies –

HORROR ON SNOOP ISLAND – Researchers arrive on an island haunted by Helen Hayes and Mildred Natwick.

HORROR ON SNIPE ISLAND – Researchers arrive on an island and are terrorized by a group of men who have been waiting there forever with their bags

HORROR ON SNIP ISLAND – Researchers arrive on an island inhabited by demented barbers

HORROR ON SPANK ISLAND – Researchers arrive on an island to find – believe me, you don’t want to know.

 

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The Psychopath (1975)

THE PSYCHOPATH (1975)
Article 2398 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-20-2007
Posting Date: 3-6-2008
Directed by Larry G. Brown
Featuring Tom Basham, Gene Carlson, Gretchen Kanne

The host of a children’s television show has a hobby on the side; he murders the abusive parents of fans of the TV show.

This movie has a pretty bad rep, but I have to admit it was pretty effective in at least two regards; it does a good job at making you hate the abusive parents, and you feel the frustration of the doctors and the police in dealing with the abusive situations. However, the movie pulls the rug from under itself through a combination of bad music choices, confusing direction, and a ludicrous performance from Tom Basham as the title character, Mr. Rabbey; he’s so over-the-top that you’re surprised anyone would allow him near their children in the first place. The movie’s twist manages to be both queasily strange and patently obvious at the same time, no mean feat. Oddly enough, there are two versions of this movie; one with the murders and one without; my version is the one with the murders. The movie also features Bruce Kimball, who has more than a passing resemblance to Joe Don Baker, which I didn’t notice when he gave his awful performance as the witch doctor in THE MIGHTY GORGA .

 

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It’s a Small World (1950)

IT’S A SMALL WORLD (1950)
Article 2397 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 9-19-2007
Posting Date: 3-5-2008
Directed by William Castle
Featuring Paul Dale, Anne Sholter, Todd Karns

A midget longs for love and acceptance in the real world, but finds it tough going.

First of all, let’s deal with the fantastic content in this movie; there is none. The only reason for its inclusion in this series is that midgets fall into the category of “freaks and deformities” that make up one of the common subjects of horror movies, and therefore nudges up against the genre close enough that one of my sources saw fit to include it. As for the movie itself, if the exploitation concept of a midget in love with a full-size woman strikes you as fascinating, you might have a use for this one. If, however, you are hoping for some new or subtle insights into what it would be like for a midget to live in this world, there is little here for you; the movie only touches on the most obvious of ideas, such as him being sensitive about being a midget. You won’t be surprised at where he ends up and how he finds love at the end of the movie. The most interesting plot development is when he joins a gang of criminals and becomes a pickpocket, though it’s not really a very convincing thing to happen. It’s not a bad movie; there’s just not much more to it than the central exploitation concept.

 

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One of Our Dinosaurs is Missing (1975)

ONE OF OUR DINOSAURS IS MISSING (1975)
Article 2396 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-18-2007
Posting Date: 3-4-2008
Directed by Robert Stevenson
Featuring Peter Ustinov, Helen Hayes, Clive Revill

When a man steals the secret formula for Lotus X from the Chinese government, he finds himself on the run from Chinese spies. He hides the formula in the bones of a dinosaur in the museum, and then tells his former nanny about the hidden formula. The spies capture the man, but he’s acquired amnesia and cannot tell them where he hid the formula. They then set out to find the nanny…

Despite a promising title, I’m sorry to say that there really is no fantastic content in this movie; despite what some of my sources claim, the dinosaur does not come to life at any point in the proceedings. Nor does the secret of Lotus X move it into the realm of science fiction. I’m afraid I consider this one another false lead.

As for the movie itself, the most striking thing about it is that it is a Disney comedy that doesn’t feel like a “shopping cart” movie. This may be due to the British milieu
and the fact that most of the regulars from Disney comedies are not present in this movie. It’s definitely a mixed bag; it relies too much on Chinese stereotypes and the style is rather queasy at times, but when it hits, it’s hilarious. My favorite scenes feature the Chinese spies and the British nannies getting into an argument about tea (shortly after we learn Hnup Wan’s nickname) and the scene where the nannies escape from a cell by tricking their captors into giving them a brick-breaking demonstration. The very concept of nannies vs. spies is pretty amusing in itself, especially when we learn that the head of the Chinese spy ring has a dread fear of nannies after having been brought up by one. “Doctor Who” fans may want to keep their eyes open for a cameo from Jon Pertwee as a Colonel who thinks he has found a new animal whose head he can hang on his wall.

 

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The Pack (1977)

THE PACK (1977)
Article 2395 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-17-2007
Posting Date: 3-3-2008
Directed by Robert Clouse
Featuring Joe Don Baker, Hope Alexander-Willis, Richard B. Shull

Residents of a small island find themselves under attack by a pack of hungry dogs, which were abandoned by vacationers and are now led by a vicious mongrel.

When you think Joe Don Baker, you think of cheesy low-budget action movies that aren’t particularly good. And heaven knows there are some things that are just plain bad in this movie; the premise is a little hard to swallow, some of the acting is quite bad, and it has its share of stupid moments. Still, I rather liked this one; the dogs do come off as effectively scary, some of the attack scenes are well staged, and the director does have a talent for setting up scenes that make you jump (he managed at one point to do it twice in a couple of minutes). I’m also glad that the Humane society was on hand for the filming of this movie; some of the stunts involving dogs and motor vehicles looked fairly dangerous for the animals, especially one in which the pack of dogs encounters a truck on a narrow pier. It maintains the tension throughout and has a good ending. One thing that crossed my mind; the pack of dogs was loose on Seal Island. This made me wonder if there was an island somewhere called Dog Island where the residents were under attack by a pack of – well, maybe I should stick to reviews rather than coming up with story ideas.

 

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Nocturna (1979)

NOCTURNA (1979)
Article 2394 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-16-2007
Posting Date: 3-2-2008
Directed by Harry Hurwitz
Featuring Yvonne De Carlo, John Carradine, Nai Bonet

Dracula’s granddaughter Nocturna falls in love with a guitarist (who plays disco music) whom she meets in her grandfather’s castle-turned-nightclub (which features disco music) in Transylvania. She follows him to New York (where they have disco music) and attempts to deny her vampire heritage (by dancing to disco music). Dracula comes to New York to find her dancing to disco music.

If anyone out there cringed when they saw John Carradine reprising his role of Dracula in BILLY THE KID VS. DRACULA , then just wait until you see him reprising it here in what can only be described as a vampire disco sex comedy. Here are some of the things you can see in this movie.

1) John Carradine saying a line where he mentions a walrus; it’s probably the best line in the movie.

2) John Carradine and Yvonne De Carlo shacking up together in the same coffin.

3) Yvonne De Carlo, looking every one of her fifty-seven years of age, playing a vampiress named Jugula.

4) A scene of the granddaughter walking down a street in New York saying how much she loves the place while disco music plays.

5) The granddaughter dancing while disco music plays.

6) The granddaughter making love to her new boyfriend while disco music plays.

7) The granddaughter seeing herself in a mirror for the first time while disco music plays.

8) The granddaughter visiting a disco while – you guess.

9) Vampire transformation performed through the magic of very low budget animation.

10) John Carradine putting in his fang dentures.

Fortunately, here are some things you won’t see.

1) Any love scenes between De Carlo and Carradine.

2) De Carlo and Carradine boogieing on the dance floor while disco music plays (though it comes awful close).

Outside of the walrus line, the best moments in this movie have to do with a meeting of the BSA (Blood Suckers Association) in which several New York vampires talk about the problems of being vampires in the big city. The worst moments occur whenever the third-billed Nai Bonet (who plays the title character) opens her mouth; she is one of the lousiest actresses I’ve ever seen. And as for her dancing, she’s upstaged by her own costumes.

Oh, and did I mention the disco music? Did I mention it so much you got sick of it? Did I mention how much I got sick of it during the movie? I only plan to watch this movie again when I’m at my most masochistic.

 

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Night of the Devils (1972)

NIGHT OF THE DEVILS (1972)
aka La Notte dei divaoli
Article 2393 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-15-2007
Posting Date: 3-1-2008
Directed by Giorgio Ferroni
Featuring Gianni Garko, Agostina Belli, Maria Monti

A man in an insane asylum thinks back on the events that brought him there; his car broke down in the woods, and he was stranded in the home of a family that is under a curse – they are plagued by Vurdalaks.

If this movie seems similar to the Vurdalak segment of BLACK SABBATH, that’s no coincidence; it was based on the same Tolstoy story as that one was. Though BLACK SABBATH is certainly the better known version, this one is strong in its own right; it’s moody and suspenseful, the special effects (by Carlo Rambaldi) are memorable and grotesque, and it holds the attention throughout. The movie is so effective that I easily forgive some of the things I don’t like, such as the ineffective timpani “Boinnng!” sound that is more comic than scary, and one of those twist endings that feels more like a manipulative cheat than a revelation. Furthermore, the movie is excellently dubbed. This one is recommended, especially for fans of the shorter version of the story in the Bava movie.

 

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The Murder Clinic (1967)

THE MURDER CLINIC (1967)
aka La Lama nel corpo, Revenge of the Living Dead
Article 2392 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-14-2007
Posting Date: 2-29-2008
Directed by Elio Scardamaglia
Featuring William Berger, Francoise Prevost, Mary Young

A hooded killer is loose in a clinic, murdering young women with a razor. Is it the doctor? His wife? The deformed woman in the attic? Or one of the disturbed patients? A young nurse named Mary is determined to find out before she becomes the next victim…

For the most part, this is a fairly ordinary horror thriller, with a little too much lurking in dark hallways to substitute for plot. Still, I rather like the mystery element of this one; at least three really good suspects are present, and any one of them could be the murderer; overall, I was pleased with this aspect of the movie. Still, what I most remember hearing about this movie was its being part of a set of horror films that were released as a triple feature and renamed with titles with the words “Living Dead” in them to imply they were flesh-eating zombie movies in the mold of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD . This was the first one, retitled REVENGE OF THE LIVING DEAD. The others were CURSE OF THE LIVING DEAD (actually, Mario Bava’s KILL BABY KILL , easily the best of the lot) and FANGS OF THE LIVING DEAD (actually MALENKA). At least these latter two do feature living dead of some sort (ghosts and vampires); this first one doesn’t feature living dead of any variety, much less flesh-eating zombies. Overall, this one was fairly ordinary.

 

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