A POLISH VAMPIRE IN BURBANK (1985)
Article 4919 by Dave Sindelar
Directed by Mark Pirro
Featuring Mark Pirro, Lori Sutton, Bobbi Dorsch
What it is: Vampire comedy
A painfully introverted vampire, after having been supplied blood by his father for many years, is forced to go out on his own and claim his own victims, but he falls in love with the first one he meets.
This movie was better than I thought it was going to be, but that may not be saying much; given the title of the movie, I was expecting the absolute bottom of the barrel. Yet, to its credit, some of the ideas are fairly decent and some of the jokes do register. Any movie that makes me smile at the company’s logo at the very top of the movie is doing something right. IMDB estimates the cost of the movie at three thousand dollars, and it looks it, and the movie is about as lowbrow as you can get, but I thought the movie’s heart was in the right place, and I rather liked it. Therefore, I found myself forgiving some of the movie’s worst aspects, particularly the way it belabors the vampirism-as-sex metaphor and its tendency to beat its running jokes into the ground. Oddly enough, one of its better aspects is one of the few ideas it lifts from the movie which inspired its title (AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON), in that the main character is constantly visited by the chatty skeleton of his dead brother (played by Eddie Deezen). In the end, the movie got by on its likable qualities, and I will say this much; as bad as the movie’s title is, it’s better than the title of the fake vampire movie that appears in a theater in the movie – ENEMA VAMPIRES.