SPACE WARRIORS 2000 (1985)
Article 4669 by Dave Sindelar
Directed by Marc Smith and Sampote Sands
Featuring the voices of Nicholas Curror, Wendy Danvers, Bob Sessions
Country: Japan / Thailand
What it is: I’m not sure, but I hope aspirin helps
A boy receives a toy model of Ultraman as a gift. However, it is actually a relic that allows the boy to experience a non-ending series of Ultraman battle footage with new dubbing and music added.
This “movie”, which mostly consists of footage from the Ultraman franchises, was made without the permission of Tsuburaya Productions, and it had a few TV airings before it was permanently yanked from the TV schedules. However, this wasn’t before someone managed to record a copy of it, and now, many years later, it has popped up on YouTube so I can review it. Now, I’ll openly admit that I have a weakness for Japanese giant monster mayhem, but after this one, I had to lie down and let the headache wear off. Of course it’s incoherent; it’s never trying to cohere in the first place. It’s trying to be funny, but all of the newly-created dialogue (mostly between the giant monsters) is witless and stupid. All it really is is a string of camped-up redubbed battle scenes jumbled together until the ninety minute running time is filled up. Even the credits don’t take the movie seriously (and, despite what they claim, Mothra never makes an appearance). All I can do is shake my head and contemplate the depths to which certain people will sink in order to produce pieces of product for consumption with no regard to quality or common sense. Just ghastly.