Month: July 2018

The Astro-Zombies (1968)

THE ASTRO-ZOMBIES (1968)
Article 2701 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 9-24-2008
Posting Date: 1-4-2009
Directed by Ted V. Mikels
Featuring Wendell Corey, John Carradine, Tom Pace
Country: USA

A bizarre creature is running around loose murdering and mutilating women. The police try to investigate. Meanwhile, a mad scientist tries to explain his work to his mute assistant, who is intent on experiments of his own on a bikini-clad girl tied to a table. Meanwhile, spies led by Tura Satana’s breasts (followed closely by Tura Satana) look for the scientist to get his secrets.

Though it has something of a cult reputation, let’s face it; this one is wretched. This is not to say there’s not a certain appeal to the movie. Tura Satana has a presence that is not soon forgotten, and there’s some fun to be had with John Carradine and his assistant. The opening murder made a huge impression on me when the movie popped up on a my local Creature Feature, and the scene where an astro-zombie makes his getaway while holding a flashlight to his forehead is good for some laughs. Unfortunately, the plot is a mess, most of the scenes are talky and dull (the scene where they set a trap for an astro-zombie by having a woman keep busy in a lab is one of the most tedious stretches of non-activity ever committed to celluloid), and the movie mostly just lurches from one scene to the next with no real point. The script was written by director T.V. Mikels along with Wayne Rogers of “M*A*S*H” fame. Amazingly enough, Mikels would eventually pen and direct a sequel which, if the IMDB ratings are any indication, is superior to this.

 

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The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971)

THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES (1971)
Article 2700 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 9-23-2008
Posting Date: 1-3-2009
Directed by Robert Fuest
Featuring Vincent Price, Joseph Cotten, Virginia North
Country: UK/USA

When doctors begin dying in mysterious and bizarre ways, Scotland Yard detectives try to track down the murderer. They discover that the murderer is basing his methods on the plagues of the pharaohs in the Old Testament, all of the victims worked together on a specific medical case, and the murderer may be a man who was long thought dead.

I have to admit that I have a vast affection for three horror movies Vincent Price made in the early seventies; this one, its sequel, and THEATER OF BLOOD. Though the latter one is generally considered the best of them, I think all three somehow work together in defining a certain type of stylistic horror. The idea of a vengeance-driven madman picking off his victims one by one is as old as the hills, as is the concept of the murderer being pursued by incompetent policeman, but rarely have these ideas been used with this much style and wit. The art design is simply stunning, myriad bizarre touches abound (just who or what is Vulnavia?), and I couldn’t help but notice little details such as the fact the Phibes has his wife’s face embedded in the dial of the telephone he keeps attached to his pipe organ. The scenes with the detectives are always amusing, and the movie is loaded with great little character roles. The unmasking scene is a classic, though I do think it would have been more shocking had Price’s makeup not been already prominently used in the ads (“Love means never having to say you’re ugly!”). The movie also has a great ending, and I noticed this time the position of the planets on Phibes’s final resting place. That’s Caroline Munro as Victoria Phibes, and Paul Frees sings the lyrics on “The Darktown Strutters Ball”.

 

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Made for Love (1926)

MADE FOR LOVE (1926)
Article 2699 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 9-21-2008
Posting Date: 1-2-2009
Directed by Paul Sloane
Featuring Leatrice Joy, Edmund Burns, Ethel Wales
Country: USA

A woman finds herself frustrated by her archaeologist fiance’s obsession with his job. She becomes embroiled with a local prince, who is secretly plotting to murder the archaeologist before he can break into the inner chamber of a tomb (which the prince has been secretly rifling for riches).

The fantastic content of this movie is that there is a curse on the tomb. So how does this play into the plot? Well, if you buy into the movie, lots. However, if, like me, you notice that most of the misfortune attributed to the curse can easily be explained by the stupidity and evil of certain characters rather than by any supernatural manifestation, then you might be wondering why you are wasting your time with what is essentially a romance (as if you couldn’t tell by the title). You know what a romance is, don’t you? It’s a movie where two characters who love each other act with monumental stupidity for the first ninety percent of the movie, and only reach a happy ending by regaining normal intelligence in the last reel. Sure, I can understand a man being too distracted by his job to pay sufficient attention to his fiancee, but not when most of that distraction involves staring at a vase for hours on end. Still, the lovers aren’t as thick-headed as the three would-be comic relief suitors who follow the fiancee around in the vain hope of winning her hand; really, if I were trying to win a woman, I would choose a better method than forming a comedy team with two other men trying to win her, because I’d know that any other suitor that came along would end up with a definite advantage. By the way, that’s Brandon Hurst as the pharoah in the flashback.

 

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The Woman Hunt (1973)

THE WOMAN HUNT (1973)
Article 2698 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 9-20-2008
Posting Date: 1-1-2009
Directed by Eddie Romero
Featuring John Ashley, Pat Woodell, Charlene Jones
Country: USA / Philippines

Women are being kidnapped by a man who lives in a secluded mansion in the middle of the jungle. He plans to organize a hunting party with the women as prey.

When I see Eddie Romero at the directorial helm with John Ashley as the star, I think of the “Blood Island” movies made during the late sixties/early seventies. This isn’t part of that series; in fact, I’m not sure it’s even really a horror movie. It’s modeled off of THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME, which I’ve always considered only marginal horror in the first place, and this one contains even less overt horror content. Instead, it’s more action thriller in the drive-in exploitation style, a style that I would describe as “giving the people what they want at a lowest-common-denominator level while refusing to be distracted by such things as good taste”. Therefore, we get lots of bloody violence and bare breasts, dumb and obvious dialogue, lesbianism, and Sid Haig, who is a master a this sort of thing; he shows a knack for making his character the type of person who would say the dumb dialogue. IMDB says this one was shot in English, but it certainly feels like a dubbed movie at times. If you’re looking for subtlety and intelligence, look elsewhere. If you’re looking for typical drive-in thrills, this’ll do.

 

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Up in Smoke (1957)

UP IN SMOKE (1957)
Article 2697 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 9-19-2008
Posting Date: 12-31-2008
Directed by William Beaudine
Featuring Huntz Hall, Stanley Clements, David Gorcey
Country: USA

Sach loses money collected for a charitable cause to some unscrupulous horse race bookies. He sells his soul to the devil in order to get revenge on the bookies. He is awarded information on one winning horse every day for seven days.

It’s a Bowery Boys movie in which the only Gorcey present is named David, and that’s pretty dispiriting. As a matter of fact, everyone involved in the movie seems dispirited as well; Huntz Hall in particular seems to be tired and short of energy. Granted, I wasn’t a fan of him when he did have high energy, but even high energy bad comedy is better than depressed bad comedy. To his credit, he doesn’t try to hog the movie, but everyone else in the cast is bland and forgettable, and most of the jokes just fall to the floor and die. The series itself was near its end; only one more movie would be made for the series, and that one (IN THE MONEY) doesn’t have any fantastic content. It was definitely time to retire the Boys.

This, of course, doesn’t mean this series is finished with them. I believe one more movie is destined to be covered, and fortunately, that one will feature both Leo Gorcey and Bernard Gorcey, so it will be nice to see the Boys one last time with the stronger lineup still intact.

 

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Time Travelers (1976)

TIME TRAVELERS (1976)
TV-Movie
#2696
Viewing Date: 9-18-2008
Posting Date: 12-30-2008
Directed by Alexander Singer
Featuring Sam Groom, Tom Hallick, Francine York
Country: USA

An outbreak of a disease thought extinct but with a high mortality rate causes a doctor to take an opportunity of travelling into the past to find the secrets of the only doctor who had proven successful at combating the disease. The problem is that he arrives in the past only twenty-nine hours before the Great Chicago Fire will destroy the doctor and all of his records, so he must find the solution in that time.

As anyone who follows this series knows, I’m not a fan of Irwin Allen or TV-Movies, but I must admit that I like this one better than I do most of Allen’s other work. Part of the reason I like it is that I like the central concept of trying to solve a medical problem in a limited amount of time; it brings back fond memories of THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN. Not that this movie ever achieves that level; there’s too much stupid dialogue, an unnecessary romantic subplot, unconvincing special effects, occasional bits of overacting, a really bad fake headline, and at least one totally unbelievable moment (if two men materialized out of the future onto a crowded stairway, wouldn’t someone on the stairway notice?). Fortunately, the movie has another great thing about it; Richard Basehart is surprisingly memorable as the doctor from the past who doesn’t really know how he cures his patients. The story was conceived by Irwin Allen and Rod Serling, and I suspect I know which one came up with the plot elements I liked. All in all, I found this one quite watchable.

 

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The Doctor’s Secret (1910)

THE DOCTOR’S SECRET (1910)
aka Hydrotherapie fantastique
Article 2695 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 9-13-2008
Posting Date: 12-29-2008
Directed by Georges Melies
Featuring Georges Melies
Country: France

A doctor uses radical new methods to help a patient deal with his obesity problem.

Here’s a weight-loss plan that takes less than one day and involves no dieting or exercise. First, allow the doctor pull the obesity out of you with a huge syringe. Then let him attach you to a machine that will suck even more obesity out of you. Then he’ll put you in a tub with a paddle machine that will… do something, anyway. Then he’ll set you under the pummel machine which will pummel you (remember, this is all for your own good). Finally, he’ll attach you to a sauna which will overheat and blow your body to pieces, which the doctor will neatly put back together. You will then be your old, slim self.

You know, all of a sudden, dieting and exercise don’t sound so bad.

 

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Popeye the Sailor Meets Sindbad the Sailor (1936)

POPEYE THE SAILOR MEETS SINDBAD THE SAILOR (1936)
Animated short
Article 2694 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 9-12-2008
Posting Date: 12-28-2008
Directed by Dave Fleischer
Featuring the voices of Jack Mercer, Lou Fleischer, Mae Questel
Country: USA

When his ship is wrecked and Olive Oyl is kidnapped by Sindbad the Sailor, Popeye must face Sindbad’s legion of monsters to reclaim her.

For me, the Popeye cartoons were at their best when they were being made by Dave Fleischer in the thirties. They reached an ambitious peak with three lengthy Arabian-Nights inspired shorts; this was the first one of them, the first Popeye cartoon in color, and arguably the best. It effectively combined humor, action, and scares. At fifteen minutes, it’s just getting started about the time most cartoons end, but it’s never dull and there’s always something fun going on. The animation is excellent, with special praise going to the breathtaking three-dimensional backgrounds. Jack Mercer’s hilarious muttering as Popeye is always a treat. A couple of monsters add to the fantastic content, with Popeye taking on a giant bird (a battle that ends with a great scene that I still remember from seeing the cartoon as a child) and a two-headed giant. This is one of the classic cartoons, and it’s wonderful to be able to cover some classic short cartoon animation for this series.

 

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Mummy’s Dummies (1948)

MUMMY’S DUMMIES (1948)
Article 2693 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 9-11-2008
Posting Date: 12-27-2008
Directed by Edward Bernds
Featuring Moe Howard, Larry Fine, Shemp Howard
Country: USA

The Three Stooges sell used chariots in ancient Egypt. They meet king Rootintootin and discover a plot to steal tax money.

I like the Stooges best when their timing is sharp, and it’s pretty sharp in this one. There really isn’t much in the way of fantastic content, though; outside of the fact that one of them pretends to be a bull-headed oracle and Shemp disguises himself as a mummy, there’s little here. Despite a similar title and the reappearance of King Rootintootin, this is not a remake of WE WANT OUR MUMMY.

 

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The Thieving Hand (1908)

THE THIEVING HAND (1908)
Article 2692 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 9-10-2008
Posting Date: 12-26-2008
Directed by J. Stuart Blackton
Featuring Paul Panzer
Country: USA

A one-armed beggar returns a valuable item to a man who dropped it. The man rewards the beggar by buying him a prosthetic arm to replace his missing one. Unfortunately, it turns out that the prosthetic limb has a mind of its own… and is a kleptomaniac.

Don’t you hate it when good deeds bring us to a bad end? One can’t help but feel sorry for the poor beggar in this comedy, who, despite his best efforts, finds himself plagued by his own artificial limb; it even engages in thievery when detached. It may be the first crawling hand movie, as well as being something of a forerunner of the various versions of “The Hands of Orlac”. All in all, this is an amusing and interesting silent short.

 

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