Month: February 2018

King of the Mounties (1942)

KING OF THE MOUNTIES (1942)
Serial
Article 2446 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-13-2007
Posting Date: 4-23-2008
Directed by William Witney
Featuring Allan Lane, Gilbert Emery, Russell Hicks
Sergeant King of the mounties must do battle with axis forces in Canada who are trying to soften up North America for an upcoming invasion. Towards that end, the axis powers have come up with a super airplane that cannot be detected by radar.

It’s easy to confuse this one with KING OF THE ROYAL MOUNTED , partially because of the extreme similarity of the titles, and partially because this one borrows a hefty amount of footage from that one. Still, this one wasn’t immune from having footage stolen from it as well; FLYING DISC MEN OF MARS borrowed its share of footage from this one. This is in actuality a sequel to KING OF THE ROYAL MOUNTED, and it seems decent enough; on the plus side, the fights wreck a decent amount of furniture in the great Republic style, and, on the minus side, it uses horses less so we get a greater share of bail-out cliffhanger resolutions. Still, I wouldn’t recommend this one to any but the hardiest and most dedicated of serial fans. This is because the serial is in pretty bizarre shape; about two-thirds of the soundtrack is missing, and one episode (number two) has the complete soundtrack, but no visuals. Most of the other episodes are completely silent, except for some poorly grafted music and sound effects culled from another part of the serial; whenever you hear gunshots but don’t see anyone shooting, you’ll know you’ve hit one of these stretches. Sure, following it is a bit of a mess, but I’m not sure it really matters with a serial as much; it’s certainly easier to piece together than UNA AVENTURA EN LA NOCHE .

 

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Una aventura en la noche (1948)

UNA AVENTURA EN LA NOCHE (1948)
aka An Adventure in the Night
Article 2445 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-12-2007
Posting Date: 4-22-2008
Directed by Rolando Aguilar
Featuring Luis Aguilar, Miroslava Stern, Carlos Villarias

Two men pick up two female hitchhikers and take them home. They begin to suspect that the women are ghosts. Their investigation leads them to a creepy old mansion.

I managed to get the above plot description from IMDB; otherwise, it would be a shot in the dark as to what the storyline is, as my copy of this one is in unsubtitled Spanish. Still, I knew the plot line had something to do with ghosts in advance, as one of other sources mentioned the presence of ghosts, and as soon as I saw the scene with the two hitchhikers, I suspected I was watching a variation on an old urban legend, the same one that inspired RETURN TO GLENNESCAUL . This one looks pretty good, and there’s an eerie seance at one point, an interesting scene with a record player, and an attempt to shoot test footage of one of the ghosts. There may also be a touch of science fiction to the proceedings; there’s a science lab in the spooky old house, and one man has a pair of glasses that burns things. Still, there’s not much I can say about this one until a dubbed or subtitled copy comes along, as most of the plot is handled verbally.

 

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The Cage (1966)

THE CAGE (1966)
Pilot Episode for “Star Trek”
Article 2444 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-11-2007
Posting Date: 4-21-2008
Directed by Robert Butler
Featuring Jeffrey Hunter, Susan Oliver, Leonard Nimoy

Starship Captain Christopher Pike attempts to rescue survivors from a crashed expedition on a distant planet, only to find out that the survivors were an illusion and himself a prisoner of a race of beings with super mental powers.

I don’t know if this qualifies as a “movie”, but nevertheless, here it is, the first pilot for what may be the most famous science fiction TV series of them all. It was never aired as such, though ample footage of it was used to fill out the two part episode of the series, “The Menagerie”. If you’ve seen that episode, there really isn’t much in the way of surprises here. Nevertheless, it’s interesting to speculate on the differences between this and the series; Jeffrey Hunter gives the role of the captain a different flavor than William Shatner did, and I wonder if Spock would have developed the way he did; here, he shows marked emotions on occasion. It’s a little hard to gauge on some levels; since this version incorporates unaired black and white footage along with the color footage used in “The Menagerie”, you can tell that changes were made; the voice of one of the Talosians changes noticeably from one scene to the next, for example. The basic feel of the series remained intact, though only two members of this original cast remained, and one of them (Majel Barrett) would be given a decidedly different role. Perhaps the best thing about this is seeing how strongly Gene Roddenberry was willing to go against the grain to suit his vision, by allowing a multiracial crew and concocting a story that allowed him to deal with concepts a little too adult and sophisticated to be generally allowed on TV at this time. Even in its earliest stages, it’s easy to see why this series would catch the imagination of a devoted audience.

 

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Alien Massacre (1965)

ALIEN MASSACRE (1965)
aka The Wizard of Mars
Article 2443 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-10-2007
Posting Date: 4-20-2008
Directed by David L. Hewitt
Featuring John Carradine, Roger Gentry, Vic McGee

Four astronauts get stranded on Mars. They wander around. There’s more plot, but I don’t like to give away the last twenty minutes of the movie.

One thing you’re guaranteed of when you see the name of David L. Hewitt heavily featured on the opening credits of a movie is that the budget just might be big enough to allow you to purchase new shoelaces. And I will give him some credit; every once in a while, there is a moment that shows some imagination or captures a little of that sense of wonder. But, those moments aside, this movie mostly consists of the astronauts wandering around in caves or in the desert. When they’re not doing that, they’re either engaged in pseudo-scientific gobbledygook or having their ears bent by the disembodied head of John Carradine. If you’re lucky, you’ll wake up to enjoy the scene where they discover a Martian encased in a wall, easily the best scene in the movie. If you want to, you can speculate on the similarities between this movie and THE WIZARD OF OZ ; there’s a girl named Dorothy with three companions (unfortunately, instead of a scarecrow, a tin woodsman, and a cowardly lion, she only has three bores), a yellow-brick road, and a disembodied head, and that should engage your attention for all of thirty seconds. And since we’re on the subject of time, let’s talk about that. The movie is seventy-eight minutes long, and it purportedly takes place over a four-day period which turns out to be only two minutes long. Those times are significant; there is about two minutes of plot here, but the movie certainly feels like four days.

And, on a side note, the original title of this movie is THE WIZARD OF MARS. My copy is called ALIEN MASSACRE. This change was accomplished by replacing the main title of the movie. Unfortunately, right before this is the credit “John Carradine as”. Hence, it reads like “John Carradine as Alien Massacre”, which, unlike “John Carradine as The Wizard of Mars”, makes no sense. Someone obviously didn’t care.

 

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The Wicker Man (1973)

THE WICKER MAN (1973)
Article 2442 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-8-2007
Posting Date: 4-19-2008
Directed by Robin Hardy
Featuring Edward Woodward, Christopher Lee, Diane Cilento

A policeman arrives on Summerisle to investigate the disappearance of a girl. He finds the residents are extremely uncooperative and given to pagan rituals. He begins to suspect that the girl is being held as a human sacrifice in their upcoming May Day rituals.

There are many who consider this cult horror movie to be an absolute classic, but there are also quite a few out there who consider it highly overrated. Me, I’m captivated by it. Part of it is the plot itself; it’s written by Anthony Shaffer, who also gave us the script for SLEUTH, and this has at least one great plot twist that recalls that movie. Part of it is the interesting characters and the fine acting; this is certainly one of Christopher Lee’s best performances. But I think what I like best is the use of music, dance and nudity to establish the settings, situations and atmosphere. In many movies, these elements come across as gratuitous; in this one, they transport us to a different world, one which Edward Woodward’s Sergeant Howie is singularly ill-suited to deal with. The cast also features Britt Ekland (whose nude scene is especially effective) and Ingrid Pitt. The jarring images and the great dialogue linger in the memory. In short, I align myself with those who consider it a classic. I’ve not seen the 2006 remake of the movie, but from what I’ve heard, the less said about that one, the better.

 

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While I Live (1947)

WHILE I LIVE (1947)
Article 2441 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-7-2007
Posting Date: 4-18-2008
Directed by John Harlow
Featuring Sonia Dresdel, Carol Raye, Tom Walls

An old woman believes that an amnesiac who appears unexpectedly at her house is really the reincarnation of her dead sister.

My print of this movie runs just less than an hour. The time listed on IMDB is eighty-five minutes. This may explain why I found the movie somewhat confusing, so I can’t really criticize it for that. However, I wasn’t particularly impressed with what I did see; the dialogue and the script just didn’t do much for me, the acting felt indifferent to me, and I never found the story engrossing enough to really hold my attention. Still, I do feel compelled to give this one another try sometime, especially if I can find a complete version of it, though I doubt that I’ll feel much different about it.

 

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Million Dollar Countdown (1967)

MILLION DOLLAR COUNTDOWN (1967)
aka Please Don’t Fire the Cannon, Per favore… non sparate col cannone
Article 2440 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-6-2007
Posting Date: 4-17-2008
Directed by Mario Caiano
Featuring Frank Wolff, Rossella Como, Giampiero Albertini

A safecracker just released from prison is hired by a mysterious man aboard a yacht to steal a secret missile defense system that causes missiles to return back to their launching point and explode. The safecracker hooks up with his old cohorts, and puts together a plan to get the secret.

I have to admit I have a fondness for caper movies, but I don’t cover them very often for this series because they so rarely slide into the genre areas that I’m covering. This one does, though, and though it’s not a great movie, it’s a good one and quite amusing. The fantastic content is, of course, the missile defense system. The caper itself requires the usual bizarre selection of accomplices and items; in this case, we have a cannon, an armored tank, LSD pills, and an exploding car. However, the caper hits some snags when the thieves have to contend with an attempt by a woman to murder her husband via an exploding thermos. The twists at the end are also quite amusing. What I like best about this film is simply that it isn’t an Italian comedy that drives me up the wall, as too many of them do, and even the dubbing doesn’t really hurt this one. Still, I find that a lot of Italian movies from the sixties and seventies have musical scores that do nothing for me, and I’m afraid this is the case here; the music mostly consists of women’s voice singing an a capella number with lots of la-la-las that sounds for all the world like it’s background music on a Christmas song.

 

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When Women Had Tails (1970)

WHEN WOMEN HAD TAILS (1970)
aka Quando le donne avevano la coda
Article 2439 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-5-2007
Posting Date: 4-16-2008
Directed by Pasquale Festa Campanile
Featuring Senta Berger, Giuliano Gemma, Frank Wolff

Seven caveman are orphaned on an island when their mother is carried off. They grow up without women. When they are forced to leave the island, they return to the mainland. There they meet a woman for the first time. She has a tail. Hilarity ensues.

Ten thoughts on WHEN WOMEN HAD TAILS

1) This is the best Italian caveman sex comedy with a score by Ennio Morricone that I’ve ever seen. I hope that evaluation changes with the next one I see; I’d really hate to see one that was worse.

2) This movie would be improved if the Ritz Brothers were in it. And I never thought I’d say that.

3) Yes, you read right; the score is by Ennio Morricone, the legendary composer who gave us the score to THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY. Whenever I hear snippets of Morricone’s score from that movie, they conjure up all the atmosphere of that classic western. Whenever I hear snippets of the score from this movie, I get a sense of bleak despair. How appropriate.

4) By the way, I’m putting you on. I’ve never heard snippets of this score anywhere.

5) This movie would really be improved if it was directed by Ray Dennis Steckler and featured the Lemon Grove Kids, and I never thought I’d say that.

6) There are no dinosaurs in this movie. I would hate to see someone sit through this one in the hope that one will show up. There is a camel and a man in a bear suit even worse than the one used in SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS .

7) This movie made me appreciate the Noel-Coward-like sophistication and the Rene-Clair-like airy lightness of the Three Stooges. Really.

8) The first female director ever to be nominated for an Oscar was Lina Wertmuller. She cowrote the screenplay for this movie as well. She hasn’t offered me any bribe money, so I’m making this fact public.

9) This movie would have been better if it featured Franco and Ciccio, and I never, never, never thought I would say that.

10) This movie spawned two sequels. Two. Someone should tell Ripley.

Why did I bother with ten thoughts on this movie? That’s at least nine more thoughts than were in the movie itself.

 

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The War of the Robots (1978)

THE WAR OF THE ROBOTS (1978)
aka La Guerra dei robot
Article 2438 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-4-2007
Posting Date: 4-15-2008
Directed by Alfonso Brescia
Featuring Antonio Sabato, Yanti Somer, Malisa Longo
Aliens kidnap scientists. Spacemen set out to rescue scientists, battle robots with Prince Valiant haircuts. Scientists turn bad. Bald alien helps. Viewer scratches head.

Wait a second – Alfonso Brescia, Yanti Somer, Malisa Longo, robots with Prince Valiant haircuts – it sounds like STAR ODYSSEY all over again. Throw in cheesy ten-cent soundtrack, glowing swords, and group of people standing around in a control room making comments while letting everybody else do the work, and you’ll know you’re watching a movie just as bad as that one; the only thing really missing is the pair of suicidal robots that edged that other movie into the stratosphere of goofiness. This one is more coherent, the soundtrack is a tiny bit less wretched, and in its own low-budget way it looks rather ambitious. Still, it’s not as much fun as STAR ODYSSEY, if only because it generally lacks that movies ludicrous dialogue.

The girls are pretty, though. You find what joy you can in movies like this.

 

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