When Women Had Tails (1970)

aka Quando le donne avevano la coda
Article 2439 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-5-2007
Posting Date: 4-16-2008
Directed by Pasquale Festa Campanile
Featuring Senta Berger, Giuliano Gemma, Frank Wolff

Seven caveman are orphaned on an island when their mother is carried off. They grow up without women. When they are forced to leave the island, they return to the mainland. There they meet a woman for the first time. She has a tail. Hilarity ensues.

Ten thoughts on WHEN WOMEN HAD TAILS

1) This is the best Italian caveman sex comedy with a score by Ennio Morricone that I’ve ever seen. I hope that evaluation changes with the next one I see; I’d really hate to see one that was worse.

2) This movie would be improved if the Ritz Brothers were in it. And I never thought I’d say that.

3) Yes, you read right; the score is by Ennio Morricone, the legendary composer who gave us the score to THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY. Whenever I hear snippets of Morricone’s score from that movie, they conjure up all the atmosphere of that classic western. Whenever I hear snippets of the score from this movie, I get a sense of bleak despair. How appropriate.

4) By the way, I’m putting you on. I’ve never heard snippets of this score anywhere.

5) This movie would really be improved if it was directed by Ray Dennis Steckler and featured the Lemon Grove Kids, and I never thought I’d say that.

6) There are no dinosaurs in this movie. I would hate to see someone sit through this one in the hope that one will show up. There is a camel and a man in a bear suit even worse than the one used in SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS .

7) This movie made me appreciate the Noel-Coward-like sophistication and the Rene-Clair-like airy lightness of the Three Stooges. Really.

8) The first female director ever to be nominated for an Oscar was Lina Wertmuller. She cowrote the screenplay for this movie as well. She hasn’t offered me any bribe money, so I’m making this fact public.

9) This movie would have been better if it featured Franco and Ciccio, and I never, never, never thought I would say that.

10) This movie spawned two sequels. Two. Someone should tell Ripley.

Why did I bother with ten thoughts on this movie? That’s at least nine more thoughts than were in the movie itself.



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