Month: February 2018

Masters of Venus (1962)

MASTERS OF VENUS (1962)
Serial
Article 2476 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-12-2008
Posting Date: 5-23-2008
Directed by Ernest Morris
Featuring Norman Wooland, Mandy Harper, Robin Stewart
Country: UK

Two children are forced to launch themselves into space to escape saboteurs. Fortunately, they were able to save the lives of the two pilots, and they all head to the planet Venus.

This may be the only non-American sound movie serial I’ve seen for this series; I only added the word “sound” above when it occurred to me that I saw some early French serials. It’s a juvenile space adventure, made exclusively for Saturday Morning Cinema Clubs. Plotwise, it’s pretty standard stuff, with the kind of story that made for movies like FLIGHT TO MARS. Certainly, it isn’t up to the level of the Nigel Kneale science fiction TV serials of the era. However, it is interesting to compare them to the American serials of the previous few decades. When you do this, the plot feels pretty sophisticated; in each episode, something happens to advance the plot, whereas the American serials usually worked with the plot in the beginning and ending episodes and used the basic situation mostly to hang action sequences on. This serial is at its best at the beginning before they land on Venus; after that, it’s pretty cliched. According to one source of mine, this serial was edited into a feature, but that must be even harder to find than the serial itself.

 

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Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask (1972)

EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX * BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK (1972)
Article 2475 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-11-2008
Posting Date: 5-22-2008
Directed by Woody Allen
Featuring Woody Allen, John Carradine, Lou Jacobi
Country: USA

Several stories are presented based on concepts on David Reuben’s book about sex.

Three of the seven segments of this anthology movie have fantastic content; the first one, in which a court jester attempts to seduce a queen, features a ghost and a love potion; the sixth one, in which a mad scientist performing horrible experiments with sex unleashes a giant breast loose on the world, and the final one, in which the workings of a brain during a sexual encounter are portrayed as a science fiction epic. The movie is amusing enough, but I think it gets its biggest laughs when Woody Allen nails the correct styles for the genre takes on the various episodes; in particular, the third episode (which parodies Italian movies, complete with subtitling), the fifth episode (a parody of a TV game show) and the sixth episode (horror movie parody with John Carradine exceedingly well cast as a mad scientist) work the best. The other episodes have moments as well; Gene Wilder and Lou Jacobi both give great performances as, respectively, a doctor in love with a sheep and a transvestite. After this movie, Woody Allen would take another shot at science fiction with SLEEPER.

 

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Aladin ou la lampe merveilleuse (1906)

ALADIN OU LA LAMPE MERVEILLEUSE (1906)
aka Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp
Article 2474 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-10-2008
Posting Date: 5-21-2008
Directed by Albert Capellani
Featuring Georges Vinter
Country: France

Aladdin discovers a lamp with a genie and uses it to win the hand of a princess.

Yes, it’s the basic Aladdin story told in twelve minutes as a silent. All the title cards are in French, but if you know the story, it’s no obstacle at all. My copy is in beautiful hand-tinted color and in very nice condition. It’s pretty straightforward, though I do wonder why the genie appears as an imp in most of the scenes but as a misshapen giant in the scene where they redecorate Aladdin’s home. Still, whatever you think of them, you have to admire these early silents for their efficiency; you reach the end of the story by the time most movies are just getting started.

 

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Kismet (1944)

KISMET (1944)
Article 2473 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-9-2008
Posting Date: 5-20-2008
Directed by William Dieterle
Featuring Ronald Colman, Marlene Dietrich, James Craig
Country: USA

A self-proclaimed King of the Beggars decides to make his daughter the queen of Baghdad; towards that end, he masquerades as the prince of a distant land and befriends the Grand Vizier, whom he believes will assassinate the current Caliph and take his place. Unbeknownst to him, however, his daughter has been secretly meeting the man she loves – the Caliph disguised as the son of the royal gardener. Complications ensue.

This Arabian Nights epic was filmed seven times over the years; this was the fifth one. It’s based on a play by Edward Knoblock, and I would describe the story as similar to that of the one of Aladdin, only redone and somewhat inverted. It also lacks the fantastic content of the Aladdin story; without a genie in the story, the only real fantastic content is the beggar’s magic tricks. I’ve always liked William Dieterle as a director, and he does a fine job here. I also like Ronald Colman as Hafiz the beggar; he had a way of delivering the stylized dialogue that made it sound perfectly natural. I also really like Edward Arnold as the Grand Vizier; he always made such great villains. However, I’m not all that taken with Marlene Dietrich here; to me, she’s one of those actresses that simply doesn’t belong in an Arabian Nights movie, and I find her presence somewhat jarring, and I was less than enthralled by her exotic dance (in which she had her legs painted gold). Hugh Herbert plays his usual character, and is used sparingly (a wise decision). Though this movie was given an opulent production, it’s still fairly lightweight fare, and it isn’t particularly memorable.

 

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Jack the Giant Killer (1962)

JACK THE GIANT KILLER (1962)
Article 2472 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-8-2008
Posting Date: 5-19-2008
Directed by Nathan Juran
Featuring Kerwin Mathews, Judi Meredith, Torin Thatcher
Country: USA

A farmer saves the princess of the realm from a kidnapping by a giant. The king offers him the job of protecting her from the wiles of the evil wizard Pendragon. When Pendragon abducts the princess, he must rescue her.

This is a deliberate attempt to ape the success of the Harryhausen fantasy movies, right down to hiring Nathan Juran, Kerwin Mathews and Torin Thatcher, who all worked on THE 7TH VOYAGE OF SINBAD. Jim Danforth was hired for the stop motion animation. Danforth’s animation isn’t up to the level of Harryhausen’s, and many of the other special effects look rather cartoony. However, this doesn’t necessarily make the movie bad; the special effects as they are give the movie a rather colorful, unique flavor. Storywise, it’s less mythological and more fairy-tale than the Harryhausen movies; in fact, it often reminded me more of THE MAGIC SWORD than any of Harryhausen’s movies. It’s entertaining enough, though it does suffer a little from lackluster direction and pacing, and a sense of derivitiveness. And, for the record, I watched the non-musical version of the movie; I’ve never seen the musical version, but I have a funny feeling I’d find it truly annoying. Heck, I was already annoyed enough by the rhyming leprechaun (they call him an imp, but I know a leprechaun when I see one) to want to hear him with music.

 

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Blue Demon contra cerebros infernales (1968)

BLUE DEMON CONTRA CEREBROS INFERNALES (1968)
aka Blue Demon vs. the Infernal Brains

Article 2471 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-7-2008
Posting Date: 5-18-2008
Directed by Chano Urueta
Featuring David Reynoso, Ana Martin, Noe Murayama
Country: Mexico

Mad scientists are removing the brains of non-mad scientists, putting new brains in their heads, and turning them into zombies. Mexican wrestler Blue Demon must prevent this.

Let’s define our terms.

MEXICAN WRESTLING MOVIE – what this is

BLUE DEMON – heroic Mexican wrestler. You can’t have a Mexican Wrestling Movie without one.

MASK – What heroic Mexican wrestlers wear. Blue Demon’s is blue. As if you couldn’t guess.

BEAT UP BAD GUYS – What heroic Mexican wrestlers do in these movies.

WRESTLE – What heroic Mexican wrestlers do in these movies when they aren’t advancing the plot.

WRESTLING SCENES – What happens in this movie when the plot isn’t being advanced.

SINGING AND DANCING SCENES – What happens in this movie when the plot isn’t being advanced and the heroic Mexican wrestler is in the bathroom.

BRIGHT COLORS – What you’ll see lots of if you see my copy of this movie. Honestly, this is one of the most colorful Mexican wrestling movies I’ve ever scene.

THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE – What you won’t get any of if you see my copy of this movie. In short, undubbed Spanish.

BAD SPECIAL EFFECTS – What you’ll get during the scenes where brains are being removed and inserted.

BRAINS – What the bad guys are taking out of and putting into the scientists’ heads.

SCIENTISTS’ FOREHEADS – What the bad guys will press their disembodied brains against when they’re trying to give the illusion they’re putting brains back into the scientists when it’s obvious the scientists’ heads are fully intact. See BAD SPECIAL EFFECTS.

SEXY GO-GO DANCERS – What the bad guys’ female robots look like.

JANITORS – What the bad guys’ male robots look like.

SEXY GO-GO DANCERS WITH PARALYZING GUNS – What the referees miss when they’re trying to manage one of those wrestling scenes.

TRUMPET WITH SEVERE NECK STRAIN – What is played by the band during the Singing and Dancing scenes.

MINISKIRTS – What is worn by the females during the dancing scenes.

BLUE CAPE AND TIGHTS – What Blue Demon wears all the time.

LAME EXCUSE FOR A REVIEW – What you’ve just read.

 

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Bird of Paradise (1951)

BIRD OF PARADISE (1951)
Article 2470 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-6-2008
Posting Date: 5-17-2008
Directed by Delmer Daves
Featuring Debra Paget, Louis Jordan, Jeff Chandler
Country: USA

A Frenchman comes to a Polynesian island with a returning native and decides to stay there when he falls in love with the chief’s daughter. However, he has to be careful not to break the tribal taboos, and he has to contend with the Kahuna, the local witch doctor who does not approve of him.

I’ve heard this movie denigrated quite a bit, primarily for two reasons. The first is that the story is old-fashioned and hokey, and, what with the maiden sacrifice to the volcano, I suppose it is. The other is with the casting, with Jeff Chandler, Debra Paget and Yiddish stage actor Maurice Schwartz as Polynesians. But anyone who has enough experience with older films should be able to get around the latter problem, and, as far as I’m concerned, the actors do a convincing enough job so the illusion is not broken. For me, the movie has one thing really going for it; the native dances and rituals are extremely convincing, and the opening credits claim they were based on real Polynesian dances and rituals. This gives the movie that extra sense of verisimilitude, and I really felt like I was being transported into another culture, which is something I always enjoy in a movie. The fantastic content is that some of the native beliefs have a reality in the story; a woman walks across hot coals without burning herself, a waterfall turns red with blood at one point, and the solution to the problem of the erupting volcano seems to work.

 

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The Private Lives of Adam and Eve (1960)

THE PRIVATE LIVES OF ADAM AND EVE (1960)
Article 2469 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-5-2008
Posting Date: 5-16-2008
Directed by Mickey Rooney and Albert Zugsmith
Featuring Mickey Rooney, Mamie Van Doren, Fay Spain

Country: USA

A couple with a troubled marriage find themselves stranded in a church with several of their fellow passengers from a bus during a violent and possibly fatal storm. They fall asleep, and dream they are Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden.

Ah, the Adam and Eve story! It’s one of the biblical stories that is most attractive to exploitation filmmakers for obvious reasons. As a director, this was Albert Zugsmith’s follow-up to SEX KITTENS GO TO COLLEGE, and that’s pretty much all you need to know about the level of sophistication of this movie, and the co-direction from Mickey Rooney doesn’t really change that. Yes, it’s incredibly dumb, but I’m glad it went for comedy; if the movie had taken itself seriously, it would have been interminable. The cast is interesting, though; Mickey Rooney gets to play the devil, Mamie Van Doren and Martin Milner are Adam and Eve, and Fay Spain plays Lilith. Mel Torme, Tuesday Weld, Paul Anka and Cecil Kellaway all play fellow bus passengers (one song from Anka, none from Torme). We get to see Adam naming the animals, Lilith making a bed and teaching Adam how to use it, Eve trying on a hat made of fruit, and the Devil trying to show Eve what she should do with the coconut. Hint to the devil; that’s Mamie Van Doren as Eve, which is my way of saying that the coconut is way too small.

 

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An Angel Comes to Brooklyn (1945)

AN ANGEL COMES TO BROOKLYN (1945)
Article 2468 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-4-2008
Posting Date: 5-15-2008
Directed by Leslie Goodwins
Featuring Kay Dowd, Robert Duke, David Street
Country: USA

An angel from actors’ heaven comes down to Earth to help a struggling actress get a break. He decides to help by becoming a producer for a musical revue to show off her talents. Pain ensues.

As a self-professed fan of Olsen and Johnson’s HELLZAPOPPIN’, I should be the last person to throw stones at this surreal anything-goes musical. But there are profound differences. For one thing, HELLZAPOPPIN’ undercut every moment of hokey sentimentality with de-sweetening humor; this one wallows in it shamelessly, what with its treacly “ain’t imagination great” message and “spritely feel-good music” that just makes me feel kind of sick. Personally, I’d rather spend eternity in the jolly fun of HELLZAPOPPIN’s hell, where devils store sinners in barrels and poke them with pitchforks than to have to endure ten minutes of Actors’ Heaven from this one, where bad actors sing ditties and speak in rhyme. As far as I’m concerned, we’re in DOWN TO EARTH territory here, and that’s not good; it doesn’t even boast the star power of that one. And I don’t care how many times they talk about Actors’ heaven in this one; I know real Hell when I see it.

 

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House of the Damned (1974)

HOUSE OF THE DAMNED (1974)
aka La Loba y la Paloma
Article 2467 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-3-2008
Posting Date: 5-14-2008
Directed by Gonzalo Suarez
Featuring Carmen Sevilla, Donald Pleasence, Michael Dunn
Country: Spain/Liechtenstein

An ex-convict arrives at the house of the man he murdered. He finds relatives of the murdered man living there. He informs them that the daughter of the man he killed has knowledge of the whereabouts of a gold statuette that could make them all rich. They have the daughter released from the asylum where she has been committed, and they try to persuade her to reveal the location of the statuette. However, she hasn’t talked since the night her father was killed.

This movie has a rating of 2.3 on IMDB, so when I say I really liked this movie, bear in mind that it may be a serious lapse of taste on my part. And I will confess that the movie may be pretentious and arty; much of the dialogue is truly strange, and there is an enormous potential that the movie can alienate the viewer. I was enthralled, however; it’s one of those movies that I found rather unpredictable, and the fact that each of the four characters searching to find the location of the statuette have vastly different methods and surprising secondary intentions held my interest throughout the movie. Still, those expecting a horror movie will definitely be frustrated; despite the plot element of insanity, a scary storm sequence, and the presence of a dwarf (Michael Dunn, of course, who gives perhaps the strangest performance here), it’s more like a bizarre melodrama than a horror movie. In fact, it reminds me somewhat of the old Tod Browning/Lon Chaney silents, at least on a certain level. The whole cast does an excellent job, and the dubbing is very good (though Pleasence and Dunn keep their own voices). I’m almost tempted to recommend this one, but bear in mind that low IMDB rating and the possibility that it may just happened to fall in the range of my own quirks.

 

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