MONSTER ZERO (1965)
aka Invasion of the Astro-Monsters, Kaiju daisenso
Article 2404 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-26-2007
Posting Date: 3-12-2008
Directed by Ishiro Honda
Featuring Nick Adams, Akira Takarada, Jun Tazaki

Two astronauts explore the newly-discovered Planet X to find a civilization plagued by attacks from a creature known to them as Monster Zero, but to the Earth as King Ghidorah. Earth agrees to let them have Godzilla and Rodan to battle King Ghidorah, but the men from Planet X have an ulterior motive…

Having just encountered the English Language Dubbers Association in yesterday’s movie, I thought I’d give them a rest by watching the subtitled version of this movie, thereby giving the English Language Subtitlers Association a chance to flex their muscles. Well, if I had any hopes of the ELSA of helping me find the spelling of the hero of yesterday’s movie, they were smashed by the realization that the ELSA badly needs some quality control in the spelling department; for the record, it’s “lightning”, not “lightening” and “smoother”, not “smother”. Of course, I’d also forgotten that this movie also features English-speaking Nick Adams in the cast, and, since this is the Japanese version, the Japanese Language Dubbing Association (JLDA) had to be called in to dub him; for the record, I think they do a better job than the ELDA. (I wish to point out here that, with the exception of the ELDA, I’m not sure any of these associations ever really existed).

So enough about dubbing and subtitling; let’s get to the movie. It’s a direct sequel to GHIDRAH, THE THREE HEADED MONSTER ; in fact, it has one less monster than that one, as Mothra does not appear here. It also sets the template for the formula that would become far too common in the original Godzilla series of movies, that of aliens controlling the monsters and using them to attack the Earth. The movie is very slow in getting to the monster action; the only early battle is extremely short, and is more memorable for Godzilla’s hilarious post-victory dance than for anything else. As far as having watched the subtitled version against having watched the dubbed version (which I’d seen several times before), the main advantage I found was that I finally figured out what the practical purpose of that teeth-gnashing sound gizmo was, something I don’t recall as having been explained adequately in the dubbed version; other than that, I might just as well have seen the dubbed one. Nick Adams also appeared in FRANKENSTEIN CONQUERS THE WORLD .

MOLE MEN AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES (1961)
aka Maciste, l’uomo piu forte del mondo
Article 2403 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-25-2007
Posting Date: 3-11-2008
Directed by Antonio Leonviola
Featuring Mark Forest, Moira Orfei, Paul Wynter

One of the sons of Hercules (Maciste, or, as they call him in this one, Majestis) does battle with a tribe of mole men, who must live underground for fear of being destroyed by the sun and who have vowed to kill all people who live above ground.

Majestis? I don’t know how they spell it, but instead of the usual pronunciation for Maciste (My Cheese Steak), we get the pronunciation “My Chest Is”. I’m thinking they already used Maciste in one of these “Sons of Hercules” films, and wanted to pretend that this was a different guy with a name that sounded so close to Maciste’s that it would be a breeze for the English Language Dubbers Association (who gets a credit here) to handle. Now, if only the English Language Subtitlers Association was on the ball, I’d know the correct spelling. At any rate, it makes sense that these sword-and-sandal heroes would like names that emphasized their chests, given that both Mark Forest and Paul Wynter have prominent ones (as well as Moira Orfei, but that’s another story). Yes, the mole men have an evil queen who falls in love with Majestis, as well as an evil courtier with plans of his own. It also has the world’s largest manually-operated merry-go-round, an ugly ape creature, bizarre torture devices, a primitive conveyor belt, death by sunlight, and a really big chain. It’s all in a day’s work for a son of Hercules.

MURDER, HE SAYS (1945)
Article 2401 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-23-2007
Posting Date: 3-9-2008
Directed by George Marshall
Featuring Fred MacMurray, Helen Walker, Marjorie Main

An itinerant pollster finds himself trapped with a family of insane hillbillies who believe he knows the whereabouts of a treasure.

There’s no adequate way to describe this truly bizarre and frequently hilarious comedy, but if I call it a hillbilly variation on an ‘old dark house’ story, I get pretty close. The movie features a hidden treasure, a whip-wielding Marjorie Main, poisoned and possibly radioactive water (it makes everything glow in the dark), two stupid twins (one with a crick in his back so you can tell them apart), a nonsense song that holds the key to the treasure, an escaped criminal, a woman disguising herself as an escaped criminal, an imaginary ghost named Smedley, a truck-powered hay machine, a “Lazy Susan” rotating table, poisoned gravy and Fred MacMurray. The fantastic elements are probably the poison and the ghost. There’s some great scenes here; the scene at dinner where everyone tries to avoid the poison gravy, the scene where MacMurray conjures up a ghost to scare the twins, the scene where MacMurray has to pretend that he has someone else’s legs, and the finale in the barn all come to mind. It simply must be seen to be believed. Recommended, but only when you’re in a really silly mood.