WHEN DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH (1970)
Article 2028 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-3-2006
Posting Date: 3-2-2007
Directed by Val Guest
Featuring Victoria Vetri, Robin Hawdon, Patrick Allen

A blonde woman escapes one tribe intent on sacrificing her and joins up with another tribe, but the brunette women of that tribe are jealous of her but one caveman loves her and there are dinosaurs.

Actually, the dinosaurs don’t do a particularly good job of ruling in this one; most of them end up as petroleum-products-to-be at the hands of those annoying mammalian pests. Still, my own title for the movie (THE EARTH GETS MOONED) would probably have been rejected by the powers that be, even though it’s far more accurate; after all, the plot (such as it is) does seem to revolve around the earth acquiring the moon, and the skimpy costumes of all cast members (male and female) guarantees a generous amount of mooning. This takes place in that dim and distant time in the past where cavemen coexisted with dinosaurs, the earth had yet to acquire its satellite, and the most prominent invention was the underwired bra. A 27-word caveman lingo was devised for this movie, but I found it nearly impossible to follow; they use the word “akita” so many times that I thought it meant “hey”; actually, it means “look”. Due to the language barrier, the plot is difficult to follow, but I suspect that it’s your basic “the course of true love never did run smooth” tale. All in all, prehistoric business as usual.