EVERYTHING’S DUCKY (1961)
Article #1216 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 7-13-2004
Posting Date: 12-10-2004
Directed by Don Taylor
Featuring Mickey Rooney, Buddy Hackett, Jackie Cooper

Two sailors are ordered to release a duck into a pond, only to discover that the duck can talk. Hilarity ensues.

What we have here is FRANCIS THE TALKING MULE with Donald O’Connor replaced by Buddy Hackett and Mickey Rooney, and Francis replaced by Scuttlebutt the Duck. Here are some of the purportedly funny things in this movie.

The sailors are stationed in the middle of a desert.

When the sailors finally do get out on the water, they get seasick.

One of them is named Admiral John Paul Jones. “Admiral” is his name. This confuses people.

The duck can’t swim, but he drinks martinis.

The duck can’t quack, but he can do an impression of Cary Grant.

The military wants to recapture the duck so they can cut out his brain.

The sailors go to see a psychiatrist after hearing the duck talk.

Despite having a talking duck in their possession, the sailors can’t make any money off of him.

One of the sailors is always trying to get a date with a secretary who can’t stand him.

In the end, the sailors and the duck go up in a rocket to one of the lamest non-endings I’ve ever seen in a movie in my life.

If you’re a fan of Mickey Rooney or Buddy Hackett, or if you really want to see a movie about a talking duck that plays like a Disney shopping-cart movie without the energy, this one is for you. Me, I’m looking forward to the next Francis movie.