ONE MILLION B.C. (1940)
Article #108 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing date: 7-2-2001
Posting date: 11-15-2001

A member of the rock people is banished from his tribe when he tries to stand up to their dictatorial leader, and ends up meeting and staying with the more civilized shell people.

I’m not quite sure what to say about this movie, or about caveman movies in general. I could describe it as “Romeo and Juliet” with dinosaurs, but I wouldn’t be able to take myself seriously from that point on. I could draw comparisons between the rock people and the shell people in order to demonstrate the mechanics of a dysfunctional family, but I don’t see this movie becoming a favorite of therapists any time soon. instead, I’ve decided to put forth my suspicions concerning the motivations of people who want to see caveman movies; 1) They want to see dinosaurs, and 2) They want to see members of the opposite sex dressed in animal skins. As for the latter reason, yes, there are people dressed in animal skins here, but the skins may not be quite as skimpy as to suit the tastes of the viewer, though the presence of Victor Mature may satisfy the tastes of some. As for dinosaurs, don’t strain your eyes looking for the name of O’Brien in the credits under special effects; instead, prepare yourself for slurpasaurs (that is, lizards with fins). In fact, this may be the definitive slurpasaur movie; after all, it introduced us to those great slurpasaur superstars, Ignatz and Rumsford, whose immortal wrestling sequence would grace the footage of many a grade-Z flick to come. Oh, and Lon Chaney Jr. is in it, too.

I know as well as the next person that cavemen and dinosaurs didn’t exist in the same period of time, but I have to admit that I prefer my caveman epics with dinosaurs (or even with slurpasaurs) to those without. Why? They’re generally a lot more fun than the caveman movies without dinosaurs.