A CHUMP AT OXFORD (1940)
Article #1132 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-20-2004
Posting Date: 9-17-2004
Directed by Alfred J. Goulding
Featuring Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Peter Cushing

Stan and Ollie are sent to Oxford for an education after foiling a bank robbery.

I consider Laurel and Hardy to be two of the greatest comedians of all time, but their very best material lies outside the genres I’m covering. That being said, this may be the best full-length feature of theirs that I’m likely to cover; it’s not as good as SONS OF THE DESERT, but it’s worlds better than THE BIG NOISE. Even here, the fantastic content is slight; while trapped in a hedge maze, the boys are tormented by a fellow student dressed as a ghost. Horror fans may wish to keep their eyes peeled for a very young Peter Cushing as one of the students. My favorite moment is when Stan (dressed as a maid) is told to “serve the salad without dressing”, a harmless phrase for anyone but Stan.

THE CRIMSON CULT (1968)
(a.k.a. CURSE OF THE CRIMSON ALTAR)
Article #1131 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-19-2004
Posting Date: 9-16-2004
Directed by Vernon Sewell
Featuring Boris Karloff, Christopher Lee, Mark Eden
An antique collector visits a remote country house to gather information on his missing brother.

With a cast that includes at least four well-known horror stalwarts (two of which are legends), you’d expect something a little more than what you get here. Unfortunately, there are problems. Barbara Steele is wasted in a role where she is given little more to do than try not to be upstaged by her blue makeup. Michael Gough struggles valiantly with the type of dumb servant role that went to Lugosi or Chaney when they weren’t trusted with anything more substantial. Christopher Lee adds his considerable screen presence and professionalism to his role, but little else. Only Karloff transcends his role by giving his character the type of quirky touches that make him interesting; his scenes are far and away the best scenes in the movie. As for the movie as a whole, it’s a washout; most of the running time is spent with either filler (a party scene and a sex scene that try to show as much skin as a PG rating will allow), plot digressions that lead nowhere (nothing comes of either Karloff’s collection of torture devices or his servant’s assault on the hero). or a continual retread of the same plot points (Did the antique collector’s brother visit the country house? The question is answered about four or five times when once would have been enough). Combine this with a truly turgid pace, a soundtrack that underlines each revelation with such overbearing pomposity that you’re surprised you don’t go to a commercial afterwards, and scenes of Satanic worship that are more likely to elicit snickers than shrieks, and you have a truly disappointing cinematic experience.

CRACKED NUTS (1941)
Article #1130 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-18-2004
Posting Date: 9-15-2004
Directed by Edward F. Cline
Featuring Stuart Erwin, Una Merkel, Mischa Auer

When a small-town boy wins five thousand dollars, he becomes the target of a con man and a divorced patent attorney who want him to invest the money in a fake mechanical man.

I must admit at the outset that this comedy is somewhat lame, but it does have a lot of elements that make it somewhat fun despite this. For one thing, the cast also includes William Frawley (whose divorced wife is named Ethel), Shemp Howard (as the man in the mechanical man outfit, though Ernie Stanton also stands in for the robot) and Mantan Moreland (who initially describes the mechanical man as a zombie). Mischa Auer’s character name is Boris Kabikoff (does that name sound somewhat familiar?), so it’s no surprise that the mechanical man (whose name is Ivan and who is modeled off of Mischa Auer) eventually is given the nickname of “Mr. Frankentin”. The running joke is that since Shemp has a weakness for blondes, the robot chases any of them that he finds. As you might expect, it’s all pretty silly, but given all the elements listed above, it’s also rather irresistible as well, and I suspect that I won’t prove the only one who thinks so.

CRESCENDO (1970)
Article #1129 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-17-2004
Posting Date: 9-14-2004
Directed by Alan Gibson
Featuring Stefanie Powers, James Olson, Margaretta Scott

A musical student goes to France to stay at the home of the family of classical composer for her thesis. She discovers that there are some unpleasant skeletons in the closet.

For those who don’t have the musical background (and to show that I learned something in my years playing trombone in the high school band), crescendo is a musical term that means “to get louder”. It’s obviously used here because the story involves music and to imply that the thrills build to a fever pitch. I’m afraid that I’m not particularly impressed with this one,as it all seems a little too familiar and a little too obvious; it’s your basic “skeleton in the closet” horror film with some mild sex and some drug addiction thrown into the mix. This is not one of Hammer’s finer moments.

CREATURE FROM THE HAUNTED SEA (1961)
Article #1125 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-13-2004
Posting Date: 9-10-2004
Directed by Roger Corman
Featuring Antony Carbone, Betsy Jones-Moreland, Robert Towne

When Cuban refugees try to flee with the country’s treasury after the revolution, they hook up with gangsters who have decided they want the treasure for themselves. The gangsters begin killing off the Cubans while making it look as if a monster is doing it. Unfortunately for them, a real monster is also on the loose.

Director Roger Corman and screenwriter Charles B. Griffith gave us two little comic gems, BUCKET OF BLOOD and LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, both of which rose above their low budgets to become cult classics. This was a third attempt by the team to put together another comedy, but this one falls flat on its face. It does manage to be sporadically funny, but the script is an unfocused mess; it’s poorly paced and structured, suffers badly from its low budget, and often ends up being just weird rather than funny. Furthermore, the movie was marketed as being a serious horror film rather than a comedy, and this surely disappointed those who were expecting something else. The monster is also very bad indeed; it looks like something you’d find in a Larry Buchanan movie. On the plus side, its topical backstory is a bit unusual for this type of thing, and in some ways it seems to be parodying spy movies before they really became big. Nonetheless, this one is a failure, and those expecting a repeat of BUCKET OF BLOOD or LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS certainly won’t find it here.

THE COSMIC MAN (1959)
Article #1124 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-12-2004
Posting Date: 9-9-2004
Directed by Herbert S. Green
Featuring John Carradine, Bruce Bennett, Angela Greene

Scientists and the military investigate a spacecraft that comes to earth and hangs suspended in the air. Meanwhile, a resident of the spacecraft is prowling around the neighborhood.

Basically, what we have here is another low-budget stab at THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL. It tries to be more mysterious by not allowing the alien to take center stage, but it constantly borrows from its source so as to leave little doubt as to whether the alien is a good guy or not. In short, he comes to earth, and then stays at an inn where he befriends the son of a single mother; he visits the lab of a scientist and solves one of his problems for him, and he visits a national landmark. Okay, I’m stretching the last one, but the saucer does land near Bronson Caverns. When it’s not borrowing from TDTESS, it has scenes of a) scientists talking pseudoscience, b) scientists arguing with military men, and c) really bad romantic scenes. John Carradine plays the cosmic man; he’s either shot in negative or bundled up in clothes and wearing what looks like a pair of gag glasses; they look like the type that Ernie Kovacs wore when he played Percy Dovetonsils. About the only recommendation I can give is that it is more fun than STRANGER FROM VENUS.

CONQUEROR WORM (1968)
(a.k.a. MATTHEW HOPKINS: WITCHFINDER GENERAL)
Article #1123 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-11-2004
Posting Date: 9-8-2004
Directed by Michael Reeves
Featuring Vincent Price, Ian Ogilvy, Rupert Davies

When the father of a soldier’s fiancee is accused of and executed for witchcraft, the soldier swears to take revenge.

I first saw this movie years ago on commercial TV; that the movie was cut to ribbons should be no surprise to anyone who has seen it. This movie does not survive the censorship process; the brutality and violence that permeate this movie isn’t just important to the story; it is essential. This is because the movie is at least partially about the infectious nature of cruelty and sadistic violence and about how hatred and disgust can make us as brutal as those who inspire that hatred and disgust. Even though I don’t quite buy into the implied moral lesson that usually accompanies this theme (since I do not believe that a man who commits a single act of brutality under duress is the moral equivalent of a man who casually engages in acts of brutality on a regular basis), nonetheless, this movie argues its theme very well indeed. Vincent Price has never been more evil, and he’s never been less hammy; you are never given the impression that you are supposed to like him or celebrate his acts, and this is one factor that makes the movie work. The ending is indeed shocking (the protracted scream that almost closes the movie is definitely well-earned), but it is also terribly sad as well; it is no surprise that the soundtrack to this movie foregoes an air of horror in favor of an air of bitter sadness and loss. Unfortunately, the movie isn’t without its flaws; it uses that melody at least once too often before it’s all over, there is at least one day-for-night scene that doesn’t appear to have been fixed in post-production, and the Poe poem in the final moments is out of place. Nonetheless, this bleak horror film packs a punch that will not soon be forgotten.