Treasure of the Four Crowns (1983)

TREASURE OF THE FOUR CROWNS (1983)
aka El tesoro de las cuatro coronas
Article 3120 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-12-2009
Posting Date: 2-28-2010
Directed by Ferdinando Baldi
Featuring Tony Anthony, Ana Obregon, Gene Quintano
Country: Spain/USA/Italy
What it is: One part horror, one part Indiana Jones, one part heist movie

A key holds the secret to the ultimate power contained in four crowns. A crack team of experts seeks to acquire three of the crowns which are being kept in an impregnable castle by a fanatical cult leader.

If you didn’t know this movie was originally made in 3-D, you’ll know soon enough; there are so many close-ups of things “comin’ at ya” (spears, knives, keys, hands, feet, tambourines, etc) that you’ll figure out the gimmick. The opening crawl is lifted from STAR WARS, the opening scene is ripped from RAIDERS FROM THE LOST ARK, and I was a little surprised that the movie just didn’t keep on that pattern; instead, by planning the acquisition of the crowns as something out of a heist movie, it manages to achieve a little more in the way of interest factor than it might otherwise have. Overall, though, the movie doesn’t really satisfy; the end in particular seems muddled and confused, and you’re never quite sure just what kind of power these crowns contain. Overall, though, I think I can say that the movie isn’t nearly as bad as it could have been. This was the follow-up to COMIN’ AT YA, a movie which started a short-lived resurrection of the 3-D craze during the early eighties; a follow-up space opera was planned but never made, as the 3-D craze petered out.

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Tintorera! (1977)

TINTORERA! (1977)
aka Tintorera…Bloody Waters
Article 3119 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-11-2009
Posting Date: 2-27-2010
Directed by Rene Cardona Jr.
Featuring Susan George, Hugo Stiglitz, Andres Garcia
Country: UK/Mexico
What it is: Romantic drama with a smidgen of JAWS ripoff

A shark hunter meets a woman in Cancun for hedonistic pleasure, but he ends up falling in love with her. This creates friction in their relationship, and she begins seeing another man. The two men, initially rivals, become fast friends when the woman departs (she’s eaten by a shark, but no one notices). Together, the two men meet a new woman, and they… oh, don’t bother; suffice it to say that a shark gets involved.

The US version of this film runs 85 minutes. The British version runs 89 minutes. The full version runs 126 minutes, and that’s the one I saw. Lucky me (and if you can imagine this line delivered in a dull, flat, emotionless monotone, do so). On the plus side, my print is subtitled in both English and Spanish, as the movie uses both languages frequently throughout the movie, though it does create a problem in that you have to keep switching gears in deciding whether to read the subtitles or listen to the dialogue. The scenery is beautiful, the underwater photography is good, and the acting is fairly decent. The problem is that it bills itself as a JAWS ripoff when at least ninety percent of its running time is devoted to the love and sex lives of the hedonistic vacationers. Some of the user comments even describe the movie as soft-core porn, but it doesn’t go that far; it’s loaded with nudity and there’s talk about sex, but visually it never gets more explicit than cuddling. That leaves precious little time for shark action, and most of that is devoted to people killing various sea animals (turtles, manta rays, other sharks) as lure for the big tiger shark. This footage is painfully explicit, and animal lovers will want to stay far, far away from this one. What it comes down to is that, unless you’re really interested in the sex lives of these people, there’s nothing to see here, and if you insist, you may want to go for one of the shorter versions. Unfortunately, as it is, it would feel padded even if it were edited down to thirty minutes.

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Sindbad Alibaba and Aladin (1965)

SINDBAD ALIBABA AND ALADIN (1965)
Article 3118 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-10-2009
Posting Date: 2-16-2010
Directed by Prem Narayan Arora
Featuring Pradeep Kumar, Agha, Baghwan
Country: India/Japan
What it is: Bollywood Arabian Nights flick

Sindbad, Alibaba and Aladin join forces to do battle with an evil ruler.

This marks my first review of a full-fledged Bollywood movie, though I’ve seen a couple prior to this. Please take the above plot description with a grain of salt; my copy is in unsubtitled Hindi, and I found the actual plot line rather difficult to follow. Basically, it seems our three heroes go on adventures to get magical items to help them defeat the evil ruler; a magic sword, lamp and carpet are all used. Based on the general tone of the movie, I’m guessing it’s a comedy; in fact, I found it frantic and shrill on quite a number of occasions. Of course, it’s also a musical, and from the few movies I’ve seen, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s the musical numbers that add the real flavor to the Bollywood movie-watching experience; they seem both familiar and alien, with dance moves that seem to be unique to the culture. There’s a lot of talk, an underwater sequence (including giant squids and clams), a reenactment of Aladin’s discovery of the lamp, and a battle with a dragon that looks like an extremely cheap version of Godzilla; in fact, if my eyes aren’t deceiving me, I’m pretty sure I saw Toho special effects wizard Eija Tsuburaya listed in the credits. I don’t know when I’ll be venturing into this territory of filmdom again, but I hope to eventually have more of a feel for Bollywood movies.

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Terror in the Jungle (1968)

TERROR IN THE JUNGLE (1968)
Article 3117 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-9-2009
Posting Date: 2-25-2010
Directed by Tom DeSimone
Featuring Jimmy Angle, Joan Addiss, Chuck Angle
Country: USA
What it is: AIRPORT crossed with a jungle movie crossed with… I just can’t say it.

A young boy with a stuffed tiger is the sole survivor of a plane crash in the Amazon jungle. While his father (who wasn’t on the flight) hunts for him, the boy is captured by native tribesmen who worship him as a god… and may want to sacrifice him as well.

The first thirty minutes of this movie is one of the most gut-bustingly funny examples of bad cinema I’ve seen in years; the howler lines come fast and furious. After the plane crash, the movie becomes dull, somewhat confused, and a bit annoying; after a while, you’ll get sick of the boy walking around whimpering for his daddy. There’s a truly atrocious native dance to liven things up during this part, but don’t worry; it’s working itself up to a jaw-dropping ending which I can’t give away here except to say that a) the movie clearly moves into the fantasy genre at that point, and b) you’ll be wondering if a certain comic strip artist ever saw this movie. I may have given too much away even saying that, but if I have, I doubt you’ll be less tempted into seeing it. Quite frankly, this is the most giddily ridiculous jungle movie I’ve seen since FORBIDDEN JUNGLE.

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The Little Ark (1972)

THE LITTLE ARK (1972)
Article 3116 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-7-2009
Posting Date: 2-23-2010
Directed by James B. Clark
Featuring Genevieve Ambas, Philip Frame, Max Croiset
Country: USA
What it is: Children’s adventure film

Two adopted children in Holland are trapped in the steeple of a church with their pets after a storm causes the dikes to break. They manage to board a boat that drifts close to the steeple, and they go in search of their father.

At one point in this movie, a captain tells the children a story about a woman who is transformed into a mermaid, and the story is shown via animation. This constitutes the sole fantastic content of the movie, so it’s pretty marginal from that standpoint. As for the movie itself, I find it easy to believe it does have some impact, especially if you saw it when you were a kid. As an adult, I find its power somewhat compromised by the problems. It’s obviously based on a novel, and there are moments where you see the movie struggling and not quite succeeding in bringing certain aspects of the story to life. Nor was I particularly impressed by the performances of the two children; though they go through some very real (and even a bit shocking) adventures, they themselves never quite feel real. It occasionally belabors some of the heartstring-tugging, which isn’t necessary; the story itself is moving without that extra pushing. It was an independent film with mostly unknown Dutch and English actors; the only familiar name to me was Theodore Bikel, who does quite well. The theme song was nominated for an Oscar, but if you’re like me, you’ll get awfully tired of it before the movie is over.

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La charrette fantome (1939)

LA CHARRETTE FANTOME (1939)
aka The Phantom Wagon, The Phantom Chariot
Article 3115 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-8-2009
Posting Date: 2-24-2010
Directed by Julien Duvivier
Featuring Pierre Fresnay, Marie Bell, Micheline Francey
Country: France
What it is: Drama/Fantasy

An alcoholic tramp has a friend die on the last day of the year who then, according to legend, becomes the driver of the phantom chariot that collects the souls of the dead for the next year. A tubercular woman with the Salvation Army attempts to reform the tramp so that he will return to his wife and kids, but she fears he may become the next chariot driver…

It’s in French without subtitles, and, despite the fact that I’ve seen the earlier silent Sjostrom version, much of the story seems different this time, and, due to the language problem, is hard to follow. However, I was able to pick up at least the major threads of the story, and there’s a nice visual sense permeating the movie. Also, you don’t always need to understand the language to appreciate fine acting, and this movie has great performances from Pierre Fresnay, Micheline Francey and Louis Jouvet. Most of the movie plays like a drama, with the phantom wagon aspect of the plot only coming in near the beginning and then more extensively in the end; the special effects during these sequences are wonderful.

Some people may wonder why I bother trying to watch movies in languages I don’t understand, but I’ve grown to like the challenge, and I have experienced some lovely cinema that I might otherwise have missed. I’m glad I made the effort.

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The Antichrist (1974)

THE ANTICHRIST (1974)
aka L’anticristo, The Tempter
Article 3114 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-6-2009
Posting Date: 2-22-2010
Directed by Alberto De Martino
Featuring Carla Gravina, Mel Ferrer, Arthur Kennedy
Country: Italy
What it is: Italian Exorcist rip-off

A woman with paralyzed legs and family issues is treated by a parapsychologist who discovers she was a witch in her previous life. His attempts to cure her result in her possession by the devil.

It takes THE EXORCIST and adds a dose of ROSEMARY’S BABY and a few touches of the Bridey Murphy story, throws in some incest themes, and tries to up the gross-out ante on occasion. Thanks to some sharp editing, some strong production values, wonderful location footage, and the addition of English-speaking actors (Mel Ferrer, Arthur Kennedy and George Coulouris) to minimize dubbing difficulties for American audiences, this ends up being one of the better Italian takes on THE EXORCIST I’ve seen to date. Still, it never really transcends being a rip-off; when all is said and done, it’s the equivalent of eating reheated leftovers. It might have helped if the actress playing the possessee had managed to engender our sympathy, but she’s too self-pitying and grudge-filled, and her primary facial expression is a contemptuous pout; I found it impossible to care for her plight. As a result, the movie, though well-made, left very little impact.

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Swords of the Space Ark (1981)

SWORDS OF THE SPACE ARK (1981)
TV-Movie
Article 3113 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-5-2009
Posting Date: 2-21-2010
Directed by Bunker Jenkins and Minoru Yamada
Featuring Hiroyuki Sanada
Country: Japan
What it is: STAR WARS clone via Japanese TV series

Three pilots undertake to destroy the evil Roxia with the help of the hearts of three planets and the woman from the Space Ark, Sophia.

From the moment I saw the title, I suspected a STAR WARS clone. From the minute I heard the rinky-dink theme music, I knew it was going to be a cheesy STAR WARS clone. The minute I saw the way the credits segue into the movie, I knew we were dealing with a movie culled from episodes of a TV series, and I was wondering which TV series it would be. The second I saw the first actual human character, I knew it was from a Japanese TV series. And the minute I heard the Chewbacca-style talking ape mention banana daquiris, I knew we were at the bottom of the barrel.

The series was “Uchu kara no messegi: Ginga taisen”, it ran 27 episodes of 23 minutes each, which puts it at 623 minutes. Since this movie only runs 70 minutes, it’s missing almost 8/9ths of the footage. Fortunately, the movie does remain a little coherent, though it’s obvious that events are rushed at all points. You get space battles, beautiful women disguised as old crones, a mystical spaceship, retractable swords, evil betrayals, good and bad twins, talking apes with unmoving mouths, lots of things blowing up, and badly dubbed actors mouthing idiotic dialogue. This movie is either bad movie paradise or unwatchable dreck, depending on who you are (and you know that better than I).

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The Sleep of Death (1981)

THE SLEEP OF DEATH (1981)
Article 3112 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-4-2009
Posting Date: 2-20-2010
Directed by Calvin Floyd
Featuring Per Oscarsson, Patrick Magee, Manilu Tolo
Country: Sweden/Ireland
What it is: Arty vampire story

A young Englishman, heir to a great fortune, visits France and becomes enamored with a countess. What kind of hold does the count have over her? And what about the Colonel he keeps encountering? And of the marquis, his strange new companion? And why do people keep showing up dead…?

I’ve only seen this movie once, and I have to admit I’m not quite sure what’s all happened at the end of the movie; it may be the movie was a little too subtle for me to grasp in one viewing, or it may be the movie is muddled. It is quite slow-moving, and, if anything, it reminds me a bit of VAMPYR. This may not be a coincidence; both movies make unusual use of vampire scenarios, and both are based on works by Sheridan Le Fanu (albeit different works). Director Calvin Floyd has a Fellini-esque eye for interesting faces, and the movie does have a nice period sense. There’s also a bit of science fiction content to the movie, as the plot revolves around a drug that puts people in a deathlike state. All in all, I found the movie interesting and unpredictable, but a little too slow to get moving. And it may take a second viewing to figure out the details of the plot.

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Life, Liberty and Pursuit on the Planet of the Apes (1981)

LIFE, LIBERTY AND PURSUIT ON THE PLANET OF THE APES (1981)
TV-Movie
Article 3111 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-3-2009
Posting Date: 2-19-2010
Directed by Arnold Laven and Alf Kjellin
Featuring Roddy McDowall, Ron Harper, James Naughton
Country: USA
What it is: TV episodes edited into feature

In the first half, Virdon is shot and will die unless he is smuggled into a hospital for treatment. In the second, Burke is captured and subjected to brainwashing techniques, so Galen and Virdon must rescue him.

I still think the title in this particular entry of the series of TV-Movies culled from the “Planet of the Apes” TV series is awful, but it appears to be culled from a couple of the better episodes of the series. Now, to be honest, I actually haven’t seen the TV-Movie version, as I’ve not been able to find it, but since I know the two episodes that were used, and I’ve seen some of the other TV-Movies, I’ve been able to recreate the experience, as, other than some changes to the credit sequences, virtually no real editing was done. There is a certain art to picking which episodes to put together, and this one does a decent job of picking two episodes that were different enough from each other to seem distinct, while still having some common touches; in both, one of the humans is out of the action, scientific experiments are undertaken, and both revolve around ancient books (one on human anatomy, the other on brainwashing). Both episodes are pretty good, though the second one, which feature Beverly Garland, gets the edge.

Still, the episodes do display some of the problems that plagued the series; the dialogue is often clunky, the themes a little too obvious, and the two humans were never developed as distinct characters (you could reverse the roles of the characters in any episode without changing anything more than the references to the character names, and I don’t think anyone would notice). The non-development of the human character turns the series by default into the adventures of Galen, who displays oodles of character. I also grew to appreciate the skill of Mark Lenard’s performance as Urko the gorilla; he has great presence and imbues his character with a subtle but distinct sense of humor, and I found myself looking forward to his scenes.

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