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Fahrmann Maria (1936)

FAHRMANN MARIA (1936)
(a.k.a. FERRYBOAT WOMAN MARIA)
Article #1054 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 2-2-2004
Posting Date: 7-1-2004
Directed by Frank Wisbar
Featuring Sybille Schmitz, Aribert Mog, Peter Voss

A woman takes over the job of running a ferryboat after Death claims the previous man in the occupation. One day she rescues a man trying to escape from unknown pursuers, and then must prevent Death from claiming him as well.

Frank Wisbar’s cult horror movie STRANGLER OF THE SWAMP wasn’t really a remake of this earlier movie of his, but it drew heavily from it. Whereas that movie was clearly horror, this was more dark fantasy and fable. The primary image that both films share is that of the woman pulling herself across the swamp via a rope that stretches from one end to the other, and it’s a compelling image. The swamp is very real here, in comparison to the set-bound one used in the later film, and one is aware that the themes run a little deeper. My copy was in German without subtitles, but fortunately I was given a plot summary that explained what was going on, and it it’s a little a vague about details, I suspect that the movie itself was a little vague also. I recommend this one to anyone whose seen SOTS and is somewhat curious about its earlier incarnation.

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Zamba (1949)

ZAMBA (1949)
(a.k.a. ZAMBA THE GORILLA)
Article #1053 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 2-1-2004
Posting Date: 6-30-2004
Directed by William A. Berke
Featuring Jon Hall, June Vincent, Jane Nigh

A mother and her son are separated after bailing out of a malfunctioning airplane. The son develops amnesia, but is befriended by a gorilla who watches after him.

What kind of movie is this? It’s the kind of movie in which there is a lot of fretting about the fates of the mother and the son, but no one sheds a single tear over the death of the father. Maybe spending some time to do so would have cut into the comic relief footage of the cowardly file clerk. We must have priorities.

This is the type of the movie where the credits say that Zamba is played by N’Bonga. This, of course, implies that Zamba is played by a real gorilla rather than an actor in a gorilla suit. I don’t know if Ray “Crash” Corrigan should see that as an insult or a compliment.

This is the type of movie where a person falls from a great height, hits his head, and gets amnesia. He then falls from a rock, hits his head, and recovers his memory.

This is the type of movie where people spend a lot of time treed by wild animals (usually a lion, once a hyena) and spend what feels like hours calling out someone’s name. (“Tommy! Tommy! Tommy!” or “Zamba! Zamba! Zamba!”)

This is the type of movie where the potential romantic couple spends the whole movie insulting and yelling at each other until you-know-what happens in the final reel.

This is the type of movie where I’m tempted to do my review by coming up with a ditty to the tune of the old Oscar Meyer commercial theme, but I give it up after coming up with only a couple of lines, viz.

“My gorilla has a first name; It’s Z-A-M-B-A….”

On the other hand, I do have to give the movie one thing; for a jungle movie, it keeps the safari scenes from taking over. The cast also features a young Beau Bridges (as the amnesiac child) and Darby Jones (as Keega, one of the natives on the safari).

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A Strange Adventure (1932)

A STRANGE ADVENTURE (1932)
(a.k.a. WAYNE MURDER CASE)
Article #1052 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-31-2004
Posting Date: 6-29-2004
Directed by Hampton Del Ruth and Paul Whitman
Featuring Regis Toomey, June Clyde, Lucille La Verne

A murder is committed at the signing of a will, and a policeman comes in to investigate.

What we have here is a spooky old house, a cranky old man surrounded by money-hungry relatives, a will, a cursed diamond, a killer wandering around in a monk’s robe, and a cop trying to get his reporter girlfriend to marry him while she tries to investigate on her own. Combine this with some comic relief cops, a black manservant who is cowardly and stuttering, no music other than during the credits, and slow cue pick-up, and what do you have? Why, you have your typical forgotten horror, and not one of the more interesting ones at that. It’s mostly of note for having Dwight Frye on hand in a small role. It’s the sort of thing I’ve seen many times before, and I’m afraid this one doesn’t really add much new to the mix.

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The Alien Oro (1980)

THE ALIEN ORO (1980)
(a.k.a. THE STARLOST: THE ALIEN ORO)
Article #1051 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-30-2004
Posting Date: 6-28-2004
Directed by Francis Chapman
Featuring Keir Dullea, Gay Rowan, Robin Ward

Three residents of a huge space ark encounter a visiting alien whose intentions for the ark are questionable.

“The Starlost” was a 1973 Canadian TV series created by Harlan Ellison. It had an intriguing premise; in order to save the human race, a huge space ark has been constructed to seed the stars with humanity, with the inhabitants broken out into several different communities who were not only unaware of each other’s existence, but also unaware that they were on a spaceship. Three people from one of the communities discover the truth of the situation, and discover that the spaceship is doomed to collide with a star unless they somehow learn to gain control of the ship and save it. Though I can’t recall the title at this time, I distinctly remember reading a Robert Heinlein novel or novella with a similar concept; nevertheless, I have to admit that it does sound like a promising concept for a TV series.

Unfortunately, Harlan Ellison became disenchanted with the direction the series was taking and left. The show limped along for sixteen episodes and vanished. With only sixteen episodes, it would have been very difficult to sell this one into syndication. Therefore, the decision was made to edit some episodes together and release them as TV movies. This isn’t the only time this sort of thing has happened; one can also find similar TV movies culled from episodes of “Planet of the Apes”, “Space 1999”, and “Kolchak: the Night Stalker”, among others. It looks like I’m fated to track down and watch several of these over the coming years.

Now, one thing I can point out about the other three series I’ve mentioned above; they’re all known well enough by fans and have their admirers and defenders. I myself saw episodes from all those three series at one time or another. However, “The Starlost” remained obscure.

Let’s take a look at he box in which this tape arrived. It shows a drawing of a handsome man and a sexy woman holding guns against a background of a futuristic city. Feel free to enjoy the picture; you won’t see anything like it in the movie. Now let’s look on the back of the box. The first comment of note states that fans of “Doctor Who” and “Star Trek” will love this movie. They also name drop Keir Dullea, the star of 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, and Douglas Trumbull, who contributed to CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND, ALIEN and BLADE RUNNER (Incidentally, if any of these facts are incorrect, blame the back of the box). However, there are two ominous little pieces of information to be gleaned here. One is that a certain Walter Koening is in the cast, and indeed, the actor who played Chekov on “Star Trek” does play the title role in this movie. And for anyone out there wondering how I could have misspelled his name above, I am perfectly aware that it is “Koenig”, not “Koening”, but that’s the way it was spelled on the box. However, I don’t even blame the box for that; that’s the way it is spelled in the credits of the movie. The other ominous piece of information is that the creation of the series is credited to one “Cordwainer Bird”, and I’m sure anyone familiar with the work of Harlan Ellison will recognize the nom de plume he uses for works he feels have been badly compromised.

Now, we must proceed to the movie itself. “Doctor Who” fans will find sets here that are cheaper than anything they’ve seen on that show, and that’s saying a lot. What they won’t find is the excellent acting and scripting that are the hallmark of that show. “Star Trek” fans will get to see Chekov. Douglas Trumbull fans will get to see what he can do for special effects if you give him ten dollars. In short, what you have here is a static, talky series, shot on videotape with all the directorial skill of a soap opera and an anonymous and characterless musical soundtrack that not only fails to add tension and excitement to the events, but also sucks out any potential energy these scenes could have had. When the characters aren’t insufferably bland, they’re embarassing. And never once do you ever feel that the characters are aboard a huge spaceship, or that there’s anything beyond the sets you see than the rest of the soundstage.

I now know why I’ve never heard of fans clamoring for their local station to pick up “The Starlost” for syndication. I also don’t know why this review is so long.

If this one comes along, watch an episode of “Rocky Jones, Space Ranger” instead; you’ll be glad you did.

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The Song of Bernadette (1943)

THE SONG OF BERNADETTE (1943)
Article #1050 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-29-2004
Posting Date: 6-27-2004
Directed by Henry King
Featuring Jennifer Jones, William Eyther, Charles Bickford

A poverty-stricken girl in the French city of Lourdes sees visions of the Virgin Mary in a grotto near a rubbish heap.

I may not be a particularly religious person, but I can appreciate the power of faith and belief and the way it has of transforming the lives of those who possess them. I can also appreciate exquisite film-making, and this movie is definitely an example of the latter; despite a running time of two and a half hours, I was unable to tear myself away from it. It touches on so many resonant issues; at one time or another, you can find yourself relating to any one of the myriad characters with different beliefs, from the simple and sincere belief of Bernadette herself to the scoffing scepticism of the Imperial Prosecutor to the bitter jealousy of the Sister who can’t bring herself to believe. This is helped by a wealth of great performances, so many that I barely know where to start. Jennifer Jones as Bernadette, Gladys Cooper as Sister Marie Therese, Charles Bickford as the Dean of Lourdes, Lee J. Cobb as the doctor who maintains an open mind on the matter, Aubrey Mather as the mayor whose sole interest is in the prosperity of the town (and himself), and, of course, Vincent Price in a tremendous performance as Vital Detour, the Imperial Prosecutor who sets his mind on destroying the credibility of Bernadette. Perhaps the most surprising thing I found about the movie was the wealth of humor to be found; there’s something frankly hilarious at watching the lame attempts of the powers-that-be trying to cope with an event that is beyond their comprehension. The movie is powerful, moving, and gives one much food for thought on the differences between the worlds of the mystical and the mundane.

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Who Killed Doc Robbin? (1948)

WHO KILLED DOC ROBBIN? (1948)
Article #1049 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-28-2004
Posting Date: 6-26-2004
Directed by Bernard Carr
Featuring Larry Olsen, Eileen Janssen, Peter Miles

A group of children try to save their adult friend from being arrested for the murder of a doctor by looking for clues in the doc’s scary old mansion.

There’s a whole subgenre of comedy involving children being comically cute that included groups like Our Gang and The Little Rascals. As of yet, I haven’t been in the position of covering this subgenre. That changes with this entry, with a group of kids known as Curley and His Gang visiting a haunted house. Here’s a quick description of Curley and His Gang; there’s Curley, the ordinary kid. There’s Dudley, the brainy kid. There’s Speck, the freckled gangly coward who looks like the bully from A CHRISTMAS STORY. Then there’s the really cute little girl and the other girl who looks like the one from INVADERS FROM MARS (it might even be the same girl). Oh, and it has the two black children, Dis and Dat, and they’re as politically incorrect as you might imagine. It also has George Zucco for about three minutes, and Charles Gemora and his gorilla outfit. It’s also in color, which is surprising for a fifty-minute movie, but either it was very poor color or my print is really bad. As for the movie itself, well… let’s just say that there was a very good reason that no more Curley and His Gang movies were made after this one. Still, I will give it credit for tossing me one of the most bizarre scenes I’ve ever seen in my life, when the tall gangly freckled scaredy-cat does battle with a chimp in a leopard skin; his weapon? A swordfish. And the less said about the scene where everyone mistakes the chimp for Dat, the better.

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Sleeping Beauty (1959)

SLEEPING BEAUTY (1959)
Article #1048 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-27-2004
Posting Date: 6-25-2004
With the voices of Mary Costa, Bill Shirley, and Eleanor Audley

A wicked witch places a spell on a newly-born princess so that she will prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and fall asleep for years.

This was Walt Disney’s most expensive animated feature to date, and there are indeed times where the visuals are audacious and breathtaking; I am particularly taken with the animation in the opening sequence, which actually looks like it owes a little to UPA. One problem the movie does have, however, is that certain characters, setpieces, situations and visuals kept reminding of earlier Disney features that I liked a little better, particularly SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS, FANTASIA, and CINDERELLA. The characters aren’t particularly memorable this time out, with the primary exception being that of Maleficient and her crow companion; she may be the scariest of the witches to ever grace a Disney feature, and her final sequence in which she turns into a dragon and battles the prince is a definite high point in the movie.

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Sleeper (1973)

SLEEPER (1973)
Article #1047 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-26-2004
Posting Date: 6-24-2004
Directed by Woody Allen
Featuring Woody Allen, Diane Keaton, John Beck

A nerdish health-food owner is accidentally frozen cryogenically, and is then revived two hundred years later to help a resistance group do battle with a totalitarian regime.

For me, Woody Allen blows hot and cold. I’m quite fond of some of his comedies, particularly TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN and LOVE AND DEATH, but I’ve always felt this foray into science fiction was something of a disappointment. The problem is that the movie tries to be several things at once; it’s part wild comedy inspired by the silent comedians (notice how many of the slapstick gags consist of music and visuals without talk or sound effects), part satire on life in the ’70s, part sci-fi spoof, and part Woody in his usual neurotic mode. For me, the satire works best; my favorite moment has Woody’s character being asked to comment on a variety of photographs and film clips from the twentieth century. The wild silent-era-style comedy is sporadic; certain comic moments would have worked better if he had shortened them. The sci-fi spoof elements are likeable but occasionally obvious (Woody dealing with a Hal-like computer, Woody fighting a giant blob-like pudding), though he does a great job in trying to imitate a robot. It’s his use of the standard Woody Allen persona that I find distracting and out of place here; the constant bickering about Luna’s attraction to the handsome Erno gets tiring very quickly. Ultimately, I think it was Woody’s desire to really explore that persona that eventually led him away from comedy like this. Nonetheless, this is probably the Woody Allen movie that most belongs to the category of fantastic cinema.

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A Reflection of Fear (1973)

A REFLECTION OF FEAR (1973)
Article #1046 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-25-2004
Posting Date: 6-23-2004
Directed by William A. Fraker
Featuring Robert Shaw, Sally Kellerman, Sondra Locke

A long-departed father returns to the home of his wife to ask for a divorce, and to meet his severely disturbed daughter who talks to a doll named Aaron.

This movie was severely cut to receive a PG rating; it should have been left at an R rating. It’s not so much the missing footage that’s the problem; it’s simply that the air of perverse sexuality that pervades this film was something that couldn’t be pruned by the removal of mere footage, and was inappropriate for children with or without parental guidance. This is very much an adult horror movie.

The sexuality of the movie was also inherent to the story rather than added for exploitation reasons. Once you know the twist ending and then look back on the events from earlier in the movie, it all makes sense and the story falls together. The twist itself is one that is similar to several other horror movies, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen it treated with quite as much seriousness and thoughtfulness as this movie does.

I was prepared to hate this movie after the first few minutes; the pretentious, artificial dialogue that fills up the opening scenes of the movie became very grating. It was only with the introduction of the characters played by Robert Shaw and Sally Kellerman that the movie finally steps outside the bizarre repressive atmosphere and looks at it for what it is; the movie ultimately does not ask us to live in this stifling and repressive world, but just to observe it. The repressiveness does add such a creepy atmosphere to the story that it is hard to shake; you remain on edge throughout the movie, curious about the truth but unnerved at the same time. It really doesn’t go for big shocks, and I’m sure some horror fans have little use for this movie. For me, the air of mystery, the creepy atmosphere, and a certain degree of intelligence to the story held my interest throughout. In short, the movie is satisfying, but disturbing, a little difficult and definitely not for the kids.

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Santo Attacks the Witches (1964)

SANTO ATTACKS THE WITCHES (1964)
(a.k.a. ATACAN LAS BRUJAS)
Article #1045 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-24-2004
Posting Date: 6-22-2004
Directed by Jose Diaz Morales
Featuring Santo, Maria Eugenia San Martin, Lorena Velazquez

Santo takes on a coven of witches and their demon servants.

When I watch a Santo movie, I’m not expecting CITIZEN KANE, but I do hope for a certain level of quality, and IMHO this one falls short. The problem is that it really doesn’t have any story; it has some exposition to set up the situation, and then a series of repetitive events; basically, the heroine is kidnapped, Santo gets into a fight with the bad guys and is captured, and then Santo escapes and rescues her just in the nick of time. This sequence is repeated until the movie’s end. For those who want to know about the movie’s earthier aspects, here’s a quick summary; lots of low cut gowns and cleavage, miniskirted nighties on the big-legged minions of Satan, and somewhat sluggish fight scenes with Santo. For those into the wrestling, there is one wrestling match in the middle of the movie, and even that is edited so that it jumps to the final submission hold without any lead-in. Other notes: there’s a hilarious scene here in which Santo is attacked by the cheesiest looking poison spider ever, and then he proceeds to give the worst performance ever of a man sucking the poison out of a wound (Santo, screen presence aside, wasn’t much of an actor) followed by the careful application of a band-aid to the wound. The best line in the movie (via subtitles) “I have to be alert and get out of here. I’m being subjected to an infernal seduction.” And remember, kids, public displays of affection aren’t allowed in front of Santo.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on that cross that Santo acquires in the final scene…

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