THE SWARM (1978)
Article 2423 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 11-14-2007
Posting Date: 3-31-2008
Directed by Irwin Allen
Featuring Michael Caine, Katharine Ross, Richard Widmark

Mutant African killer bees invade Texas! Michael Caine yells a lot! Ben Johnson and Fred MacMurray compete for the affection of Olivia de Havilland! Slim Pickens threatens the military’s ability to use the bathroom! Richard Widmark gets his butt kicked by a mess of bugs, and develops a fondness for sunflower seeds! Henry Fonda shows us he can sweat and grimace while hallucinating giant bees!

The king of the disaster movie manages to achieve disaster with this one; it was both a critical and financial failure. Actually, I think the special effects are decent, the score is good, and it makes nice use of color. But the script is a train wreck, full of overheated and unbelievable dialogue, and the many name actors that make up the cast struggle valiantly but unsuccessfully with it. My heart goes out to Ben Johnson, Olivia de Havilland and Fred MacMurray in particular, who are forced to deal with the clumsiest romantic triangle I’ve ever seen, and even the script seems to get its fill of it when it puts an end to it through the use of a particularly appropriate (especially given my description of the script above) plot device. The rest of the cast deals with the hilariously bad dialogue with varying success. Outside of the ones listed above, other cast members include Richard Chamberlain, Lee Grant, Jose Ferrer, Patty Duke, Bradford Dillman, and, as a special bonus, Cameron Mitchell, who has appeared in so many bad movies during his career that he should feel right at home with this one. Apparently, Irwin Allen refused to talk about this movie.

SISTERS (1973)
Article 2422 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 11-13-2007
Posting Date: 3-30-2008
Directed by Brian De Palma
Featuring Margot Kidder, Jennifer Salt, Charles Durning

A woman reporter witnesses the murder of a black man in the apartment of a separated siamese twin. When the police don’t believe the story, she decides to conduct her own investigation and find the proof.

This is the first movie I’ve covered by director Brian De Palma, though I have seen other movies of his at one time or another. Quite frankly, I’m not sure how I feel about him as a director and writer; though he is often clever and occasionally brilliant, his obsession with Hitchcock is so obvious that it’s rather distracting; I find it a little hard to appreciate this movie on its own terms when I spend so much time dwelling on how he managed to combine elements of both PSYCHO and REAR WINDOW for it. As a result, many of his movies feel contrived to me. Still, I can appreciate the cleverness he uses in putting together a story that references both of these movies, and he’s clearly a master at using the split screen technique; I never get the sense he’s showing off when he does this, because he only uses it at times when it is really effective. And there’s one thing he borrows from Hitchcock here that I have no trouble enjoying completely; bringing in Bernard Herrmann to compose the music was a masterstroke. I also love the odd, bizarre and hilarious final scene of the movie.

THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE (1982)
Article 2419 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 11-10-2007
Posting Date: 3-27-2008
Directed by Amy Holden Jones
Featuring Michelle Michaels, Robin Stille, Michael Villella

Teenage girls throw a slumber party. It’s crashed by a homicidal maniac with a power drill. Mayhem ensues.

This movie was written as a parody by feminist Rita Mae Brown, but she was only responsible for the first draft; it was filmed as a straight horror movie. Still, one can find hints of the intended humor, and even certain elements which may have been intended as feminist statements, but within this context, with all the usual nudity and gore inherent to the slasher genre, they’re ludicrous. Perhaps the most surprising thing about this one is how utterly it fails to generate any real suspense; the scare scenes are telegraphed and devoid of surprises, and there is a an overabundance of fake scare scenes. I have to admit that this movie made me appreciate the way that FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH at least manages to generate a few scares along the way. This one is utterly routine at best.

SEE NO EVIL (1971)
aka Blind Terror
Article 2414 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 11-5-2007
Posting Date: 3-22-2008
Directed by Richard Fleischer
Featuring Mia Farrow, Dorothy Alison, Robin Bailey

A blind woman is staying with relatives in a home in the English countryside. She returns there one day, unaware that the whole family has been murdered. Unfortunately, the murderer left a piece of evidence in the home, and he returns to get it…

Through no fault of its own, this movie started out on the wrong step with me; I mistakenly believed that Mia Farrow had played the lead in WAIT UNTIL DARK (it was Audrey Hepburn), and I found myself believing that Mia Farrow was just recycling a past success. This is patently unfair; not only was my assumption wrong, but this movie is really trying to be something else than a recycling of WAIT UNTIL DARK. Still, it started me on the wrong foot, and I was prepared to dislike this movie from the get-go. The opening moments of the movie annoyed me with what seemed to me fairly heavy-handed scenes about violence and sex in modern society (the exploitative double feature at the theater, the toy gun in the store window, etc.). As the movie progressed, I kept finding other things to annoy me; the general slickness of the production, at least one impossible-to-swallow plot element (just how long was that guy wandering around with a bullet in him?), the strident unpleasantness of Mia Farrow’s performance when she’s being terrorized (her voice takes on a shrill, grating quality in these scenes), and the movie’s almost non-stop attempts to make her situation go from bad to worse. Nevertheless, I now find myself wondering whether I might not have liked this one more if I hadn’t gone into it with the assumption I did. Somehow, I suspect I’ll never know, but as it sits now, this one left a bad taste in my mouth.

THE STEEL KEY (1953)
Article 2405 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-27-2007
Posting Date: 3-13-2008
Directed by Robert S. Baker
Featuring Terence Morgan, Joan Rice, Raymond Lovell

A con man poses as a scientist in order to get hold of a secret formula for hardened steel. He has to contend with the police and other criminals who also want the formula.

It’s Gizmo Maguffin time. In this case, the Maguffin is as listed above; the formula for hardened steel (personally, I never thought of steel as particularly soft in the first place, but what do I know). It’s never actually used in the film, but everybody’s after it and it leads to murder. The movie is a little confusing at first because it doesn’t leave you much time to sort out the characters and their motivations, but I found the con man charming and clever enough that I got caught up in it anyways, and the plot does sort itself out after a bit. It’s a British B-movie thriller with slight touches of noir to it, and it’s moderately entertaining. It’s worth a look for the curious, if you can find it.

THE SWITCH (1974)
aka The Switch or How to Alter Your Ego, Oversexed
Article 2390 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-12-2007
Posting Date: 2-27-2008
Directed by Joseph W. Sarno
Featuring Rebecca Brooke, Eric Edwards, Sonny Landham

A mousy woman scientist develops a formula that turns her into a nymphomaniac that exudes a scent that attracts partners.

If the above plot description doesn’t clue you in, this is a softcore sex comedy derived from the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde story, and the movie mostly consists of orgies of one sort or another. Usually, there wouldn’t be much more to say about a movie like this, but it was directed by Joe Sarno, who is considered one of the pioneers of the sexploitation genre, and occasionally he shows touches of depth; for example, the movie spends a little time dwelling on how the use of the formula is similar to drug addiction or alcoholism. He seems to have a decent sense of humor as well, and this helps to make the movie more worthwhile. The movie also features a scene in hell, placing it in the fantasy as well as the science fiction genre as well.

THE SPIRAL STAIRCASE (1945)
Article 2388 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-10-2007
Posting Date: 2-25-2008
Directed by Robert Siodmak
Featuring Dorothy McGuire, George Brent, Ethel Barrymore

A young mute woman finds herself in danger when a serial killer who targets women with afflictions is on the loose.

It will be no surprise to anyone who has followed this series for some time to learn that I have a fairly large movie collection; in fact, sometimes I don’t always know everything I have. This movie sat on my hunt list for several months before I discovered that I had a copy of it waiting to be watched. As a mystery, it’s not very challenging; if you know a few of the basic movie-mystery-solving rules, you should be able to figure out who the culprit is. However, it scores extremely high in suspense and atmosphere, with the opening murder especially memorable and quite scary. An excellent cast helps as well, with Dorothy McGuire strong in a role with virtually no dialogue. Ethel Barrymore is wonderful as the family matriarch, and deserved her Oscar nomination for the role. I also liked Elsa Lanchester and Rhys Williams as a servant couple, and Sara Allgood as a nurse that gets very little respect. It’s more of a suspense/mystery than a horror movie, but nevertheless, it’s highly recommended.

SETTE NOTE IN NERO (1977)
aka Seven Notes in Black, The Psychic
Article 2383 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-4-2007
Posting Date: 2-20-2008
Directed by Lucio Fulci
Featuring Jennifer O’Neill, Gabriele Ferzetti, Marc Porel

A woman with psychic powers has a vision of a murder that took place in a room in a house owned by her husband. She breaks open a section of the wall where she believes the body was hidden, and discovers a skeleton. When the police arrest her husband for the crime, she uses the memory of her vision to help find evidence to clear his name and get him released. However, she begins to notice strange inconsistencies in the details about the murder and her vision…

Lucio Fulci is one of the more familiar names in Italian horror cinema, and I usually find him mentioned in conjunction with Mario Bava and Dario Argento. I’m quite unfamiliar with his oeuvre at this point, but this is supposed to be one of his better movies, and if it is, then I don’t quite put him up to the level of the other two. Still, this one is quite good; the story is interesting, and there are some very strong moments here, especially when our heroine is having her psychic visions near the beginning of the movie. I also like the way that she uses her visions to find harder evidence to get her husband freed, as she knows that merely having a vision doesn’t constitute proof. The midsection of the movie get a bit slow, and Fulci overuses certain techniques (we get too many close-ups of Jennifer O’Neill’s eyes), but the story and its details are strong enough to help you through these problems. It should prove interesting to see more of his movies.

FER-DE-LANCE (1974)
Article 2371 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 9-22-2007
Posting Date: 2-8-2008
Directed by Russ Mayberry
Featuring David Janssen, Hope Lange, Ivan Dixon

Stupid sailor scores several snakes, sneaks same aboard submarine. Snakes slither and strike suddenly, surprised seamen snuff it and sub sinks. Stop, snakes, stop! Someone, save stars!

I’m surprised that someone never had the inspiration to rerelease this TV-Movie with the new title, SNAKES ON A SUB last year after all the hype about that movie that took place on a plane (you know the title). I’m sure that anyone tuning in wouldn’t have expected much. Still, this TV movie makes for a passable thriller, what with the likable cast of familiar TV faces, but the horror element is downplayed to the point that this only hovers on the edges of the horror genre. The movie ends up more concerned with the problem of the sub being stranded on the ocean floor, and the big suspense sequence (where several people have to go out in scuba gear to set explosives to dislodge rocks that threaten to keep them prisoner) is marred by the overabundance of follow-up scenes where people have to go out to rescue people who went out to rescue people etc. etc. The cast also features Frank Bonner as the stupid sailor.

SYBIL (1976)
TV-Movie
Article 2327 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 8-9-2007
Posting Date: 12-26-2007
Directed by Daniel Petrie
Featuring Joanne Woodward, Sally Field, Brad Davis

A psychiatrist discovers a woman who has multiple personalities, and undertakes the task of helping her to face her demons and to heal.

It’s somehow fitting that we follow up STALK THE WILD CHILD with another TV-Movie about a doctor trying to help someone to fit into the world. I have to admit that I’m always a little apprehensive at the thought of sitting down to a movie which runs over three hours long, but the movie manages to be gripping enough that my attention never flagged. Much of this is due to the outstanding performances by Sally Field and Joanne Woodward, with Field in particular permanently putting to rest memories of “Gidget” and “The Flying Nun” by tackling a role that would be an immense challenge to anyone and pulling it off brilliantly. Technically, the movie lies outside of the fantastic genres, being based on a real-life case of multiple personalities, but madness has always been a part and parcel of horror as does hypnotism, which also plays a part in the proceedings. Furthermore, all the vampires and werewolves we encounter in horror movies are merely rehearsals for the human monsters that we can encounter in the real world, and Sybil’s mother is certainly the stuff of nightmares. There are moments of horror in both the real-life events and the nightmare sequences, the latter of which includes the decapitated head of a cat. Probably the only real false note in the proceedings is the character of the boyfriend who lives in the apartment across the street from Sybil; as it turns out, this character existed only in the movie and not in the real-life story of the title character. The movie also features the recently deceased Charles Lane in a memorable cameo as a doctor. This is truly one of the finest TV-Movies ever made, and one of the rare ones that attempts to give an accurate portrayal of the mental health profession.