THE CLOWN AND THE ALCHEMIST (1900)
Article 2529 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 3-7-2008
Posting Date: 4-15-2008
Directed Unknown
Cast Unknown
Country: USA

A clown’s antics annoy an alchemist, who tries to use his magic powers to get rid of him.

Ahh, there’s nothing like the epic struggle between good and evil, is there? The only question here is – which side is good and which side is evil? Well, let’s set out a balance sheet.

Clown

Good qualities
Projects the life-affirming qualities of humor.

Evil qualities
He’s a clown.

Alchemist

Evil Qualities
He delves in unholy mystical powers.

Good Qualities
He’s trying to rid the world of a clown.

You can figure up the balance any way you want to. All I know is that when the clown emerges victorious, my heart sinks and the sense of imminent doom manifests itself. I do prefer happy endings.

THE CHRISTMAS THAT ALMOST WASN’T (1966)
Article 2517 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 2-24-2008
Posting Date: 7-3-2008
Directed by Rossano Brazzi
Featuring Rossano Brazzi, Paul Tripp, Mischa Auer
Country: Italy/USA

Santa Claus is in peril of being unable to deliver presents for Christmas when a bitter man who hates children buys the land on which Santa’s shop is located, and demands that Santa pay the rent by Christmas Eve or have all of his toys seized. Santa enlists the aid of a lawyer, and they try to find a way to pay the rent.

I was unable to watch this whole movie in a single sitting due to my schedule, and I had to stop about two-thirds of the way through the movie. Had I written my review at that point, I would have said that even if I forgave the movie some of its more glaring flaws (such as the fact that the songs aren’t particularly strong), there was one flaw I couldn’t overlook, and that was that the movie was entirely too glum; despite a few moments of good humor and Christmas spirit, the perpetual sight of a depressed and frustrated Santa Claus just started to get to me. I didn’t expect much when I got back to watching it, but it was at this point that the movie started hitting all the right Christmas buttons; there was something truly gratifying at the way the problem is solved, and the events and revelations that lead up to the redemption of the villain are quite moving in their way. Overall, it’s kind of a variation on HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS with dollops of A CHRISTMAS CAROL and MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET in the mix. The songs are still weak, and it remains too glum for most of its running time, but the villain is fun, and his butler (played by John Karlsen) almost steals the movie with his face alone. It’s also fun to see Mischa Auer in one of his last film roles as the bookkeeper of the elves. Director/star Rossano Brazzi gained fame as the star of SOUTH PACIFIC, but would eventually descend to appearing in movies like FRANKENSTEIN’S CASTLE OF FREAKS. The movie is uneven, and I can equally understand why someone might dislike the movie while another would consider it a classic.

CHARLOTTE’S WEB (1973)
Article 2516 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 2-23-2008
Posting Date: 7-2-2008
Directed by Charles A. Nichols and Iwao Takamoto
Featuring the voices of Debbie Reynolds, Paul Lynde, Henry Gibson
Country: USA

A piglet who is the runt of the litter is saved by a young girl from being killed, who then raises the piglet by hand. The pig is sold to another farmer. The pig befriends a spider, who hatches a plot to keep the pig from being slaughtered.

I’ve not read the classic children’s book by E.B. White on which this movie is based, but if I were to judge the book based on this animated movie version of it, I would have no desire to read it. Fortunately, my wife has read the book, and she assures me that this movie does not do it justice, choosing to emphasize only the sentimental and schmaltzy aspects of the story. I’m highly resistant to the whimsy of this movie, but the movie could have overcome my resistance had the animation or the songs been inspired. Alas, the animation is only adequate, and the songs are utterly forgettable. About the only inspired touch to the movie is casting Paul Lynde as the voice of Templeton the rat, and even that character wears thin very quickly. I doubt I’ll be revisiting this one any time soon; I’d sooner read the book first, so I’d have more of an idea of what this movie is missing.

THE CHAIRMAN (1969)
Article 2515 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 2-22-2008
Posting Date: 7-1-2008
Directed by J. Lee Thompson
Featuring Gregory Peck, Anne Heywood, Arthur Hill
Country: UK/USA

When Red China discovers an enzyme that can allow food to be grown in any area regardless of climate, the Americans, British and Russians combine forces to get the information. To that end, they hire a Nobel-winning scientist to infiltrate China and discover the enzyme. They plant a transmitter in his head so that he can keep in touch, but, unbeknownst to the scientist, the transmitter also contains a bomb that can be used if the scientist is caught.

The enzyme is the Gizmo Maguffin in this spy thriller, though the technology used to keep the scientist in touch with the military also pushes the movie into science fiction as well. It’s an interesting if uneven movie; the plot itself has its fair share of cliches, but the scenes inside China do give the viewer a strong sense that he has been transported to another culture, and this adds a lot to the atmosphere of the movie. The movie is well-directed and well-acted, with the oriental roles played by orientals, including Keye Luke and Burt Kwouk. The climax of the movie doesn’t quite achieve the pitch of edge-of-your-seat suspense that it aspires to, but I really like the scene where the scientist meets the Chairman and they discuss political viewpoints while playing ping-pong. I vaguely remember when this one was released to theaters, but I don’t recall it being a big success.

CHILD’S PLAY (1954)
Article 2496 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 2-3-2008
Posting Date: 6-12-2008
Directed by Margaret Thomson
Featuring Christopher Beeny, Ernest Scott, Patrick Wells
Country: UK

A group of English children manage to split the atom with the help of a child’s atomic research kit and a rock from Krakatoa. They use the knowledge to create a new type of popcorn called Bangcorn.

I suspect that this movie was an attempt to start a series of movies about a group of precocious children called “The Holy Terrors”. If so, it apparently was not a success in this regard; this is the only movie they made together. Initially, I thought that this movie was going to be insufferable, but the fast-moving comedy, the innumerable funny lines, and the satiric undercurrent all won me over. There’s a few interesting names in the credits; story writer Don Sharp would go on to direct several Hammer films, and Mona Washbourne had a long distinguished acting career; she appeared in other genre films, including ALIAS JOHN PRESTON, THE BRIDES OF DRACULA and the 1964 version of NIGHT MUST FALL. The science fiction content is of course the miniature atomic reactor/bangcorn machine built by the kids; however, even within the context of the story itself, it needs to be taken with a grain of salt as it is told to us by the child with the reputation for lying and exaggerating.

CANNIBAL GIRLS (1973)
Article 2493 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-31-2008
Posting Date: 6-9-2008
Directed by Ivan Reitman
Featuring Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin, Ronald Ulrich
Country: Canada

A young couple visit a small town and go to a restaurant, unaware that it is a haven for female cannibals.

The most interesting thing about this movie is in the above credits. Director Ivan Reitman would go on to success as a director of comedies with MEATBALLS, STRIPES and GHOST BUSTERS, and fans of SCTV will certainly recognize Eugene Levy and Andrea Martin as the young couple. Martin and Levy were hired for their improvisational abilities, and much of their dialogue was improvised. This gives the movie a slightly offbeat feel to it, and the humor is more wry than laugh-out-loud funny. Unfortunately, the movie overall is fairly weak; the story is pretty obvious, and there are unnecessary subplots that really don’t go anywhere interesting. Another problem is that the movie gives too much away too soon; for example, it lets on that the whole town is in on the racket early on, when it would be better for it to have been saved a surprise for the final reels. There was also a gimmick similar to those of CHAMBER OF HORRORS and TERROR IS A MAN, in which a bell is supposed to go off so you can close your eyes during the gory parts; unfortunately, my print omits that detail. All in all, it’s a disappointment.

THE COBRA STRIKES (1948)
Article 2482 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-20-2008
Posting Date: 5-29-2008
Directed by Charles Reinsner
Featuring Richard Fraser, Sheila Ryan, Leslie Brooks
Country: USA

A scientist is struck down and his new invention is stolen, but no one seems to know what the purpose of the invention was. Then, people begin dying from poison, but no one knows how the victims are being poisoned.

This is a low-budget mystery that runs just over an hour, and that piece of information should tell you not to expect too much. Still, for a movie of this ilk, it has its moments. One positive thing is that the science fiction content (the mysterious invention) is not just a Gizmo McGuffin but is an essential part of the mystery. There is also a memorable murder scene in a steambath, and a bizarre plot element involving disappearing and reappearing jeweled elephants. There’s also a scene where people gather together to watch stock footage; all right, they’re supposed to be watching a big game hunter’s safari footage, but you’ll know better. One fun scene has the inventor giving a clue as to who the murderer is; see if you can figure out the meaning of the clue before the characters in the movie do (you won’t have long, but you should be able to).

THE CURSE OF THE CRYING WOMAN (1963)
aka La Maldicion de la Llorona
Article 2453 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date; 12-20-2007
Posting Date: 4-30-2008
Directed by Rafael Baledon
Featuring Rosa Arenas, Abel Salazar, Rita Macedo
Country: Mexico

A woman returns to the home of her aunt only to learn the horrible family secrets; they are all descendants of a witch known as the Crying Woman, and they are cursed to an immortal life of murder and blood. She finds herself falling under the sway of the curse.

If I had to pick, I would say that my favorite Mexican horrors (both straight and campy) are produced by actor Abel Salazar, and this is one of his best. This one is more in the mode of THE VAMPIRE rather than THE BRAINIAC, and it’s exciting, eerie, intense, and full of wonderful horror atmosphere. Like many Mexican horror movies, so many elements get thrown at you that you never really know which way the story is going to go, but this one holds together very well, and it features haunted mirrors, the decaying corpse of a witch, a madman locked in the attic, a sinister woman with coal-black eyes, a pack of murderous dobermanns, and a deformed killer with a clubfoot. The ending, an extended sequence in a crumbling house, is quite amazing. The movie is also packed with surreal sequences that are quite jaw-dropping at times. For anyone who wants to catch Mexican horror at its best, this one comes highly recommended.

THE CAGE (1966)
Pilot Episode for “Star Trek”
Article 2444 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-11-2007
Posting Date: 4-21-2008
Directed by Robert Butler
Featuring Jeffrey Hunter, Susan Oliver, Leonard Nimoy

Starship Captain Christopher Pike attempts to rescue survivors from a crashed expedition on a distant planet, only to find out that the survivors were an illusion and himself a prisoner of a race of beings with super mental powers.

I don’t know if this qualifies as a “movie”, but nevertheless, here it is, the first pilot for what may be the most famous science fiction TV series of them all. It was never aired as such, though ample footage of it was used to fill out the two part episode of the series, “The Menagerie”. If you’ve seen that episode, there really isn’t much in the way of surprises here. Nevertheless, it’s interesting to speculate on the differences between this and the series; Jeffrey Hunter gives the role of the captain a different flavor than William Shatner did, and I wonder if Spock would have developed the way he did; here, he shows marked emotions on occasion. It’s a little hard to gauge on some levels; since this version incorporates unaired black and white footage along with the color footage used in “The Menagerie”, you can tell that changes were made; the voice of one of the Talosians changes noticeably from one scene to the next, for example. The basic feel of the series remained intact, though only two members of this original cast remained, and one of them (Majel Barrett) would be given a decidedly different role. Perhaps the best thing about this is seeing how strongly Gene Roddenberry was willing to go against the grain to suit his vision, by allowing a multiracial crew and concocting a story that allowed him to deal with concepts a little too adult and sophisticated to be generally allowed on TV at this time. Even in its earliest stages, it’s easy to see why this series would catch the imagination of a devoted audience.

CHARLIE CHAN IN RENO (1939)
Article 2406 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 10-28-2007
Posting Date: 3-14-2008
Directed by Norman Foster
Featuring Sidney Toler, Ricardo Cortez, Phyllis Brooks

When a woman is killed in a hotel in Reno, the suspect is a friend of Charlie Chan’s. Chan comes to Reno to investigate for himself and find the real killer.

This is another very enjoyable entry in the Charlie Chan series at Fox, and Sidney Toler is great in the part, as he was in all of the Fox entries in the series. The mystery itself is quite fun, with a number of interesting suspects, and a fun role for Slim Summerville as a sheriff named Tombstone who doubts Chan’s ability to solve the case. As in most of the Chan movies, the fantastic content is light, but it is there; in this case, the plot takes us to a spooky ghost town at one point, and though no ghosts appear, it does have a decent amount of horror ambiance. The cast also features Victor Sen Yung as Jimmy Chan, Eddie Collins as a talkative cabbie, and Dick-Tracy-to-be Morgan Conway.