CAPTAIN KRONOS – VAMPIRE HUNTER (1974)
Article 3200 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 3-24-2010
Posting Date: 5-19-2010
Directed by Brian Clemens
Featuring Horst Janson, John Carson, Shane Briant
Country: UK
What it is: Interesting period vampire flick

A master swordsman roams the countryside with his hunchbacked assistant in search of vampires.

For attempting to take the vampire concept in an exciting new direction, I applaud Hammer for making this movie. It was the first of an intended series, and I can see how it might have made a dandy one; in particular, I liked the concept that there are different strains of vampires that require different means of dispatching them. Unfortunately, the movie was a box office failure, and, rather than inaugurating a series, it contributed to Hammer’s decline. Upon watching it, I can think of three possible reasons it failed. One is that the title character really needed to be a fun, energetic, fascinating character in his own right, but Horst Janson simply doesn’t fit the bill; though I can’t say he was sleep-walking through the role, he doesn’t appear to be having any fun, leaving John Cater (who does appear to know what is needed here) as Grost the hunchback as the most interesting character here. Secondly, given that the movie does aspire to being at least partially a swashbuckler, it needs to directed with verve and energy to do justice to Brian Clemens’s script; unfortunately, Brian Clemens also undertakes directing for the first and only time in his career, and his pacing is far too deliberate and leaden to bring this one to life. Thirdly, the score itself, which should also energetic and rousing, is for the most part missing in action, and when it is there, it’s aspiring to a dour moodiness instead. The end result is a movie that, despite the interesting script, isn’t anywhere near as much fun as it should be.

THE CURIOUS DR. HUMPP (1969)
aka La venganza del sexo
Article 3156 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 2-2-2010
Posting Date: 4-5-2010
Directed by Emilio Vieyra and Jerald Intrator
Featuring Ricardo Baulo, Gloria Prat, Aldo Barbero
Country: Argentina
What it is: Sexed-up mad science

A mad scientist is kidnapping men and woman and performing sexual experimentation on them. Apparently, the sex produces a serum that gives him eternal life.

When this Argentine horror movie made it to the states, the purchasers decided it would sell best in the “Adults Only” market, so they added about seventeen minutes of softcore inserts. So many of the inserts occur during the first fifteen minutes of the movie that I was beginning to wonder if there was any of the original movie left. The movie is bad, but not near as bad as its title would lead you to believe. For one thing, there are some odd touches of surrealism to the movie that make it a little more interesting, especially with one of the scientist’s automatons who has become enamored with one of the doctor’s subjects. And, for what it’s worth, some of the insert footage is incorporated rather cleverly into the movie. For those looking for a good laugh, some portions of the dialogue are very silly, and that inflatable disembodied brain in the beaker is fairly ridiculous. Other than that, this is pretty much for the adults only crowd.

COME RUBAMMO LA BOMBA ATOMICA (1967)
aka How We Stole the Atomic Bomb
Article 3135 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-2-2010
Posting Date: 3-15-2010
Directed by Lucio Fulci
Featuring Franco Franchi, Ciccio Ingrassia, Julie Menard
Country: Italy/Egypt
What it is: Spy parody

A fisherman witnesses the crash of an American Air Force plane believed to be carrying an atomic bomb. He becomes the target of spies who believes he has information about the bomb.

So far the only Franco and Ciccio movie I’ve seen in English is DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE GIRL BOMBS, a movie that was not only a sequel to an American movie but featured an American star in the form of Vincent Price. In other words, I suspect that Franco and Ciccio weren’t the main attraction to English-speaking audiences, and I suppose it’s not surprising that all of the other movies I’ve seen of theirs I’ve only been able to find in unsubtitled Italian. Fortunately, IMDB had a full plot synopsis that I was able to follow to help me here.

For what it’s worth, Franco (the short one addicted to shouting and mugging) is slightly less annoying here than usual, though it doesn’t really help much (he needs to be a LOT less annoying). Initially, they don’t work as a team here; Franco is the fisherman, and Ciccio is a down-on-his-luck spy whose career is dependent on finding the bomb in question. It’s only in the latter half of the movie that they spend a lot of time working together. The plot itself isn’t too bad as far as these things go, and the fantastic content, outside of the marginal spy content, actually delves a bit into horror when one of the villains is trying to use the bomb to revive an Egyptian mummy. The humor even takes an ominous satirical turn towards the end, when the two comedians become for all practical reasons international terrorists. Still, the funniest thing about the movie has little to do with the duo; there’s a trio of of competing spies all trying to get their hands on the bomb who are so busy fighting each other they let their real prey get away. Outside of that, the comic highlight is seeing Ciccio strapped to a butt-kicking machine. Now, if only it had been Franco…

CHRISTMAS CAROL (1914)
Article 3133 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-25-2009
Posting Date: 3-13-2010
Directed by Harold M. Shaw
Featuring Charles Rock, Edna Flugarth, George Bellamy
Country: UK
What it is: Version of the perennial Dickens classic

Scrooge is visited by three spirits who teach him the true meaning of Christmas.

At only about ten minutes, there’s not a whole lot an adaptation like this can do with the source material. However, it does manage to fit a nice little character moment I haven’t seen in the other versions I’ve seen; when Scrooge turns down the gentlemen seeking a contribution to help the poor, Bob Cratchit eagerly manages to cough up a small coin of his own to contribute. It’s moments like these which make me realize how even a small adaptation can have a surprise or two up its sleeve. Still, as usual with versions this short, the story is short-changed; the ghost of Christmas Future, for example, has only time to show Scrooge his own grave, which, if you think about it, really doesn’t prove anything. And for those of you checking the viewing dates of the movies I review, you may be surprised to notice that I actually did manage to watch this one on Christmas Day, which, given my refusal to plan my series around the holidays, marks a happy coincidence.

LA CHARRETTE FANTOME (1939)
aka The Phantom Wagon, The Phantom Chariot
Article 3115 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-8-2009
Posting Date: 2-24-2010
Directed by Julien Duvivier
Featuring Pierre Fresnay, Marie Bell, Micheline Francey
Country: France
What it is: Drama/Fantasy

An alcoholic tramp has a friend die on the last day of the year who then, according to legend, becomes the driver of the phantom chariot that collects the souls of the dead for the next year. A tubercular woman with the Salvation Army attempts to reform the tramp so that he will return to his wife and kids, but she fears he may become the next chariot driver…

It’s in French without subtitles, and, despite the fact that I’ve seen the earlier silent Sjostrom version, much of the story seems different this time, and, due to the language problem, is hard to follow. However, I was able to pick up at least the major threads of the story, and there’s a nice visual sense permeating the movie. Also, you don’t always need to understand the language to appreciate fine acting, and this movie has great performances from Pierre Fresnay, Micheline Francey and Louis Jouvet. Most of the movie plays like a drama, with the phantom wagon aspect of the plot only coming in near the beginning and then more extensively in the end; the special effects during these sequences are wonderful.

Some people may wonder why I bother trying to watch movies in languages I don’t understand, but I’ve grown to like the challenge, and I have experienced some lovely cinema that I might otherwise have missed. I’m glad I made the effort.

CLASS REUNION MASSACRE (1978)
aka The Redeemer: Son of Satan!
Article 3036 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 8-30-2009
Posting Date: 12-6-2009
Directed by Constantine S. Gochis
Featuring Damien Knight, Jeanetta Arnette, Nick Carter
Country: USA

Six alumni attend their tenth year class reunion, but are surprised to find they are the only ones there. However, they soon find they are locked in the building where the reunion is being held, and someone is knocking them off one by one.

This is a movie with a message, and therein lies the problem. Though on the surface it seems like your typical slasher film, the surrounding details are anything but routine. The murders have something to do with a boy who appears out of a lake and a preacher who sees evil in the hearts of several of the students who graduated from his school; these are the same students who attend the reunion. It obviously has something to say about religion, but I’m not quite sure whether it’s catering to religious fanaticism or criticizing it. The answer lies in the true nature of the boy from the lake; is he the “Son of Satan” (as one of the titles of this movie suggests) who has given the preacher the power to pursue his twisted sense of justice and redemption? Or is he a Christ figure (his name is Christopher) helping the preacher to take revenge on the sins of the world? Given that the “sins” of those attending the reunion don’t seem extreme enough to deserve this kind of justice (one is an athlete who’s a bit of a jerk, one is a woman who married a rich man, one is a criminal defense lawyer, one is gay, one is lesbian and one sleeps around), one is certainly not hoping gleefully for their demise. Furthermore, the first murder is committed against a man who isn’t even part of the class reunion. Overall, the message seems to be against the hypocrisy of the religion, but things are just a little too muddled to be clear. It would be interesting to hear commentary from the director and the writer, but neither of them seem to have made any other movies; yet, the movie does show a certain amount of professional polish. Could they be pseudonyms?

At any rate, if the movie has a big problem beyond the message, it’s that some of the dialogue is just plain weird; some of the patter made by the inspector feels like a bizarre stream-of-consciousness diatribe, and the murderer’s various guises are occasionally long-winded, incomprehensible and boring. Some of the characters are stereotypes, particularly the gay actor. Some moments are quite interesting; I like the way the movie will occasionally clue you in to what is happening with very few words being spoken.

Still, in some ways, this is one of those movies that will get you thinking about it, whatever its quality.

CAGED TERROR (1973)
aka Golden Apples of the Sun
Article 2962 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 6-17-2009
Posting Date: 9-23-2009
Directed by Barrie McLean and Kristen Weingartner
Featuring Elizabeth Suzuki, Percy Harkness, Leon Morenzie
Country: Canada

A man and a woman go out to the forest. They encounter strangers. Things happen.

Here is the tagline of this movie – “Behind these bars lies an unbridled fury. A tale of madness, infidelity and revenge.” Sounds like a thriller, right? In truth, what we have here is one of the most annoying art movies I’ve seen in years, full of annoying symbolism (the strangers are nice to rabbits while the man with the woman kills one) and pretentious dialogue (about fish and pomegranates). One review I read of this one says that most of the movie seems to consist of people walking very slowly in the distance, and that’s fairly accurate. The fantastic content consists of the strangers terrorizing the couple, and most descriptions of the movie focus on this event, but this part of the movie doesn’t even begin happening until it is eighty percent over. Potential viewers should be warned that there’s a whole lot of nothing going on in this one, and that nothing is pretty pretentious.

CAROL FOR ANOTHER CHRISTMAS (1964)
TV-Movie
Article 2959 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 6-14-2009
Posting Date: 9-20-2009
Directed by Joseph L. Mankiewicz
Featuring Sterling Hayden, Ben Gazzara, Steve Lawrence
Country: USA

A wealthy isolationist is bitter over the loss of his son in the war, and has chosen to politically and personally detach himself from the world. However, on Christmas Eve, he is visited by three ghosts that seek to have him re-explore his life.

Rod Serling was a great writer. He was also given to preachiness, which makes some of his work a little difficult to sit through. In this, his updated revamp of Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol”, he’s got a message, and those who don’t want to hear what he has to say will find this one tough going. However, for me, he’s a good enough writer that I’m willing to listen to what he has to say, especially when the vehicle he uses to say it is impeccably directed by Joseph L. Mankiewicz, and features an impressive cast that features Sterling Hayden, Eva Marie Saint, Ben Gazzara, Steve Lawrence, Pat Hingle and Britt Ekland, with special kudos to Robert Shaw and Peter Sellers in their respective roles. The message is quite relevant to the modern world; in the age of airplanes, radio, satellites and nuclear war, we can no longer embrace a policy of isolationism (either politically or as an individual) and hope to survive, and Serling argues the point very well through his various mouthpieces. It’s talky, all right, but the talk is intelligent and engaging, and the performances add to enjoyment here. And, lest we forget, it is relevant to Christmas as well, as it is the time for “goodwill to all men”. This is one of the better “loose” adaptations of the Dickens story out there.

THE CURSE OF THE YELLOW SNAKE (1963)
aka Der Fluch der gelben Schlange
Article 2951 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 6-6-2009
Posting Date: 9-12-2009
Directed by Franz Josef Gottlieb
Featuring Joachim Fuchsberger, Brigitte Grothum, Pnkas Braun
Country: West Germany

A secret cult wants to acquire an artifact called the Yellow Snake, as its possessor on a given date will have an invincible army.

If yesterday’s Edgar Wallace krimi was goofy but fun, this one is merely dull. Part of the problem may just be my print, which is so dark that it’s hard to make out some of the action, but I don’t know if it’s just my print or the movie itself. Still, even at that, this is rather predictable for an Edgar Wallace movie; it’s ersatz Fu Manchu, but without characters near as interesting as Fu Manchu or Nayland Smith. They attempt to throw in a lot of complications (involving planned marriages and business blackmail), but the movie never becomes as mysterious, atmospheric, or fun as the better movies of the series. As it is, the comic relief character (a chatterbox antique dealer) is the most memorable character here, and that’s never a good sign, as he’s mildly funny at best. This is far from the best of the series.

THE COLLEGE GIRL MURDERS (1967)
aka Der Monch mit der Peitsche
Article 2950 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 6-5-2009
Posting Date: 9-11-2009
Directed by Alfred Vohrer
Featuring Joachim Fuchsberger, Uschi Glas, Grit Boettcher
Country: West Germany

Someone is killing off college girls with a special poison. There’s also a red-robed figure on the loose attacking people with a bullwhip. The police try to track down the murderer.

It’s another Edgar Wallace krimi, and this one is particularly goofy, but that doesn’t mean it’s not fun. This one is something of a sequel to THE SINISTER MONK, though I always wonder why people consider a red KKK outfit to be a monk’s garb. The plot involves a poison gas, a whip-wielding figure in red, a competition between two detectives to see which method (psychological or traditional) will solve the case, a mysterious man who barks orders from a chair in an aquarium, and murderers who are recruited from prisons to go out and kill and then return to the prison to elude suspicion. The plot won’t hold up to close inspection, the comic relief is a matter of taste, and I wouldn’t bother trying to solve the mystery in advance because it doesn’t work that way. Nevertheless, its sense of fun will keep you going.