BARBE-BLEUE (1901)
aka Bluebeard
Article 4610 by Dave Sindelar
Date: 8-21-2014
Directed by Georges Melies
Featuring Georges Melies, Jeanne d’Alcy, Bleuette Bernon
Country: France
What it is: A flight of fancy

A man wins the hand of a woman by bribing her father, but the woman makes a horrific discovery; the man has the bodies of his seven previous wives hidden in the cellar.

Up to this point, all the movies I’ve seen involving Bluebeard have been based on the character of Landru, who married and killed several wives for their money. I’m assuming he got the “Bluebeard” nickname from the French folktale on which this version was based. If the summary of the original folk tale on Wikipedia is to be trusted, the only real fantastic content to the original story is the serial killer aspect; however, this being a Melies film we’re talking about, several liberties are taken that up the fantastic content dramatically, including the appearance of a tumbling imp, a fairy godmother, bizarre nightmares, an impalement that seems to result more in inconvenience than death, and the resurrection of the dead. It does take a bit of a wait for these elements to come forth; the first half of this ten-minute movie is a fairly straightforward telling of the original tale up to the discovery of the bodies, and that’s when the Melies-style hell breaks loose. It’s a pretty good entry in the Melies oeuvre, and it was fairly ambitious for its time.

BEWITCHED MATCHES (1913)
Article 4558 by Dave Sindelar
Date: 6-10-2014
Directed by Emile Cohl
Cast unknown
Country: USA
What it is: Animated fantasy

Three girls seeking to have their fortunes told invite a witch over. When the girls’ father offends the witch, she puts a hex on him and his matches.

Despite the semblance of a plot here, the purpose of this short is primarily to have an extended sequence of abstract animation involving the manipulation of matches. They turn into a horse, a windmill, a skeleton… you get the picture. Like Cohl’s animated shorts in general, this is fairly amusing if you’re in the mood for it.

BURNED AT THE STAKE (1981)
aka The Coming
Article 4523 by Dave Sindelar
Date: 5-3-2014
Directed by Bert I. Gordon
Featuring Susan Swift, Albert Salmi, Guy Stockwell
Country: USA
What it is: Weird witch possession movie

A man whose daughter is on trial for being a witch travels through time to the present day, where he encounters a girl who may be the reincarnation of the one who is accusing is daughter of witchcraft – Ann Putnam.

For the first ten minutes of the movie, I thought this was going to be another of those dramas about the Salem witch trials; it’s quite bad during this sequence (at least partially because of the very clumsy period dialogue being used), and I was glad when the movie took a left turn into the present. Still, that left turn is pretty bizarre, and the story (which is kind of a cross between THE EXORCIST and a reverse-angle version of one of those “witches returning from the dead” stories) really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. For some reason, the possession of the girl gives her witch-like powers (despite the fact that Ann Putnam was not a witch but merely accused others of witchcraft), and in order to save her the powers of a real witch are needed. The more I try to sort it out, the less sense the movie makes. Still, for a movie that is often quite bad, it has its moments; my favorite is a scene in which a real witch threatens the captain of the police department. Susan Swift (as both Ann Putnam and the girl she possesses) gives a good performance, but I did get very annoyed with her constant yelling and crying, a problem I’m more likely to attribute to bad direction than to her talent. It’s a strange entry into the oeuvre of Bert I. Gordon, and though it has some interesting ideas, it never comes together.

BLOOD LINK (1982)
Article 4517 by Dave Sindelar
Date: 4-27-2014
Directed by Alberto De Martino
Featuring Michael Moriarty, Penelope Milford, Geraldine Fitzgerald
Country: Italy / USA / West Germany
What it is: Psychokiller movie

A doctor who engages in mental therapy comes to realize that he has a psychic link with his separated Siamese twin brother, who supposedly died at the age of seventeen, but is still alive and is responsible for a string of serial killings. His brother has the psychic link as well, and is planning on impersonating the doctor when he commits his murders.

This movie has a rating of 5.6 on IMDB, but I ended up quite liking it; it’s probably the best movie I’ve seen from Alberto De Martino. I think it’s the premise itself that I like best; the idea of hunter and hunted both having psychic links so that they can know each other’s actions and locations does make for an interesting way to build suspense. I also like Michael Moriarty in a dual performance as the two brothers, though I do think it his performances are just a shade too mannered to be fully effective. Cameron Mitchell also is memorable in a cameo role as an out-of-work boxer-turned-wrestler, and I think this is a good role to show his range as an actor, as it’s quite different from many of his other roles. The movie is a bit on the sleazy side, and some of the developments in the latter part of the movie seem rather far-fetched, but I really like this one overall.

BLOODY BIRTHDAY (1981)
Article 4503 by Dave Sindelar
Date: 4-13-2014
Directed by Ed Hunt
Featuring Lori Lethin, Melinda Cordell, Julie Brown
Country: USA
What it is: THE BAD SEED as a slasher

Three children, all born during a total eclipse, grow up without consciences. As their tenth birthday approaches, they engage on a murder spree.

I’ve seen several sources describe this movie as THE BAD SEED conceived as a slasher film, and that’s about as good a description as any. Of course, being a slasher film, it has none of the literary or psychological ambitions of its model, but I didn’t expect that it would. Considered as a slasher film, at least the concept is a bit novel in comparison to the usual masked killing machine. The movie itself is flatly directed, and not particularly good, and it seems more interested in nudity than bloodletting for some reason. It is interesting to consider in light of the unspoken taboo against killing children in a movie; the only people that are killed by the evil children are adults and older teenagers, and though one of their targets is a fellow child, they can never actually get around to doing so. Furthermore, the perpetrators themselves cannot be killed without breaking that taboo. Given this situation, it becomes obvious that neither good nor evil can be totally triumphant in this movie. It’s no surprise that the ending has to be a compromise of some sort. And, despite the fact that it sets itself up for one, no sequel was forthcoming.

THE BAD SEED (1985)
TV-Movie
Article 4497 by Dave Sindelar
Date: 4-7-2014
Directed by Paul Wendkos
Featuring Blair Brown, Lynn Redgrave, David Carradine
Country: USA
What it is: Evil child on the loose

A widow begins to suspect her young child has homicidal tendencies… and she may be right.

This movie has a lowly 5.4 rating on IMDB, and if the user comments I found are of any indication as to the reason why, it appears that a lot of people object to the 1956 version of the story being remade at all, as well as to the performance of Carrie Wells. Well, for those who have read my review of the original movie version already know, I am no fan of the original movie, and I’m rather grateful that another shot was taken at the story. For one thing, it was nice to see a version of the story in which the acting was toned down for cinematic consumption, rather than the self-conscious theatrical approach of the earlier version. Second of all, it was in this remake that I grew to appreciate that the real emotional center of the story was centered in the mother, who is desperately trying to come to terms with the reality of the situation; quite frankly, I cared a lot more for Blair Brown’s rendition of the character than I did Nancy Kelly’s. It was also nice to see that they jettisoned the silly deus ex machina ending of the earlier version; I like the ending of this one much better. Granted, this version has its problems; it’s still a bit long-winded at times, and though the setting is contemporary, there are moments where it feels a bit too trapped in its fifties mindset. No, I don’t really think this version is a classic, but at least it didn’t annoy the hell out of me like the original did.

THE BIONIC WOMAN (1975)
Article 4483 by Dave Sindelar
Date: 3-23-2014
Directed by Dick Moder
Featuring Lee Majors, Richard Anderson, Lindsay Wagner
Country: USA
What it is: Two-part episode of “The Six-Million Dollar Man”

Colonel Steve Austin rekindles a relationship with an old flame, but when she is badly injured in a skydiving accident, he has his bosses save her life by replacing her destroyed limbs with bionic replacements.

This was listed in “John Stanley’s Creature Feature Movie Guide Strikes Again”, but there are some ambiguities in the listing. The description makes it clear that it was the pilot for “The Bionic Woman” TV series, and it lists Lee Majors and Lindsay Wagner as being in it, and, as far as I know, that means the two-part episode of “The Six Million Dollar Man” that introduced Jaime Sommers. However, it lists the director as Henry Mankiewicz and mentions an actress named Monica Randall as being in it. The first is a nom-de-plume for Spanish director Leon Klimovsky, and the other is a Spanish actress who did appear in a couple of Klimovsky’s films. Could there be a Spanish rip-off of the bionic woman concept that I don’t know about that is being confused with this? I’m not sure, but I decided to go with this one in the belief that it’s just a case of confused credits.

I remember being a fan of “The Six Million Dollar Man” for about a season and a half before I drifted away from the series; it became apparent to me after a bit that it was just a conventional action-adventure show with a gimmick that grew old quickly. I never bothered with “The Bionic Woman”; it just seemed like a variation on a series in which I’d already lost interest, though I’ve heard there are many who think it was an improvement over the original series. At any rate, these two episodes don’t appear to have been intended as a pilot per se, especially as the end of episode 2 doesn’t really seem to leave the door open for a spin-off. My guess is that the episodes proved to be quite popular, which is what gave them the idea. As a story, the two episodes are okay, but nothing really special; it seems like your typical “let’s throw in some romance but end it so it doesn’t complicate the original series” type of story.

THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE (1978)
Article 4482 by Dave Sindelar
Date: 3-22-2014
Directed by Rene Cardona Jr.
Featuring John Huston, Andres Garcia, Hugo Stiglitz
Country: Mexico / Italy
What it is: Secrets of the mysterious area revealed!

A boat sailing through the Bermuda Triangle encounters strange phenomena.

I will give this movie credit for coming up with one humdinger of an explanation for the disappearances; it’s the result of an evil doll floating in the area that takes over little girls. As a result, people die and time seems to be warped. You know, silly as it is, this still could have been somewhat exciting, but there’s just too many things wrong with it. Lifeless direction is certainly one culprit, but even worse is the clumsy, stupid dialogue being badly delivered by the actors or whoever happens to be dubbing them. Even John Huston does little for the movie, but then, it looks like he’s pretty bored with the whole thing himself. Furthermore, at 112 minutes, it’s far too long; I’m not even sure there’s sixty minutes of interest here. If there’s a good movie out there about the Bermuda Triangle, I haven’t seen it yet.

BIGFOOT: THE MYSTERIOUS MONSTER (1975)
aka The Mysterious Monsters
Article 4469 by Dave Sindelar
Date: 3-9-2014
Directed by Robert Guenette
Featuring Peter Graves, Peter Hurkos, William Stenberg
Country: USA
What it is: Cryptozoology documentary

Peter Graves examines the evidence for the existence of Bigfoot, as well as evidence for other rumored monsters.

I wonder if Peter Graves himself undertook the investigation of the evidence of the existence of Bigfoot (as he claims to do in the film), or whether that was just a conceit of the script for this documentary. Whatever the case, I will give the movie credit for being one of the more focused and entertaining of the documentaries of this era that claimed to deal with realms of the fantastic. I myself would love it if these creatures existed, though I do remain skeptical, and I don’t consider the existence of this documentary as ironclad proof in and of itself. There’s a number of touches I like. One is Peter Graves’ noticeable irritation in his interview with a scientist who dismisses the eyewitness accounts of the creature because they aren’t on the same level as palpable physical evidence, an encounter which leads to the exploration into the disparity between scientific evidence and legal evidence. I also like the encounter with a genuine Bigfoot hoaxer. There’s also an interesting point/counterpoint sequence in the discussion of the famous Patterson footage. Still, I think one of the most striking touches of the documentary is the emphasis on the olfactory reactions to the encounters with Bigfoot, as it strikes me that someone faking a Bigfoot encounter might actually miss giving details on how he smelled. In the end, I quite enjoyed this one, and it actually does come from Sunn Classics.

BLOODBEAT (1983)
aka Blood Beat
Article 4453 by Dave Sindelar
Date: 2-17-2014
Directed by Fabrice A. Zaphiratos
Featuring Helen Benton, Terry Brown, Dana Day
Country: USA
What it is: Offbeat horror

Something is killing hunters in the Wisconsin woods. What is it, and what does it have to do with two psychic women in a nearby family?

This movie starts off with a fairly deliberate pace and has some rather arty touches about it. Though I know this would be an instant turn-off for some, I found that it caught my attention and made me hoping for something quite different than my usual fare. As a result, I thought the first half of the movie showed some promise. Despite the touches, however, this is primarily a horror film, and when it does go for the horror, it… well, it looks like an extremely cheap and increasingly silly horror movie from the early eighties. After that point, it’s hard to take any arty touches (or, for that matter, the movie itself) seriously, even if it does occasionally show a perverse imagination. Ultimately, the movie becomes a bizarre combination of slasher film and psychic drama, and I got quite annoyed with the fact that the main reason you’re not quite sure what’s going on is because the characters that do know what’s going on refuse to talk about it. In the end, the movie falls flat, but I do have two pieces of advice for anyone making a cheap horror film. 1) If the only special effects you can afford are really shoddy, use them very sparingly or you’ll end up with a lot of annoying glowing swords, and 2) If you’re going to have a character assaulted by inanimate objects in a kitchen, take a good look at the inanimate objects you’re going to use and figure out how scary they are (Cutlery: Yes – Canisters of name brand chocolate drink mix: No).