ALIEN WARRIOR (1985)
Article 3233 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-26-2010
Posting Date: 6-21-2010
Directed by Ed Hunt
Featuring Brett Baxter Clark, Pamela Saunders, Reggie De Morton
Country: Canada
What it is: Liberal Christ fantasy/violent exploitation flick

A visitor from outer space comes to Earth to prove his worth by defeating a Great Evil, which comes in the form of a violent drug dealer. However, the visitor has a limitation; the use of violence on his part causes him to weaken.

Liberal do-gooder fantasy or sex-and-violence exploitation flick? Take your pick; the movie is obviously trying to have it both ways. Unfortunately, rather than achieving an amazing amalgamation of diverse genres, it comes across as merely split-personality goofiness, probably because it does neither one well, though it’s obviously more at home with the sex and violence. Our visitor arrives on Earth naked (someone has seen THE TERMINATOR), but, thanks to a friendly wino who just happens to have an extra set of clothes, he is soon ready to look for Great Evil. On the way he saves a woman from a gang of rapists, and then reforms the gang by getting the leader to face his shame over being called “stupid”, and then getting the boy to read “Alice in Wonderland” while he himself peruses a complete set of encyclopedias. With the help of the wino and his reformed-gang friends, he builds a really cool car that he uses to impress and reform the members of a protection racket so they can come to the reading center and break-dance, and then he… well, I could go on, but suffice it to say that interspersed between these moments are scenes where the “Great Evil” takes voyeuristic movies of his harem making love to members of the local police force or doing away with rivals in as violent a way as possible. It’s rating on IMDB is 4.3, but don’t let that fool you; the user comments are split between those who think the movie is godawful and those who think it is a hilarious camp classic, which, if you do find yourself watching it, is perhaps the best way to approach it.

ATRAGON (1963)
aka Kaitei gunkan
Article 3193 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 3-16-2010
Posting Date: 5-12-2010
Directed by Ishiro Honda
Featuring Tadao Takashima, Yoko Fujiyama, Yu Fujiki
Country: Japan
What it is: Invaders from an undersea kingdom, Japanese style

The underwater empire of Mu threatens to take over the world with their superior technology. The only hope for the world is a missing Japanese captain who has designed the ultimate fighting machine, a flying submarine known as Atragon.

I think this popped up on TV when I was a kid, and I watched it expecting a monster movie; I soon switched it off in frustration, and even had I stayed with it, I would have been disappointed by Manda, who is more reminiscent of Reptilicus than any of the great Japanese monsters. However, as an adult, I can admire it for what it really is; I consider it the best of the various Japanese invasion movies of that period, as I find it more interesting and enjoyable than either BATTLE IN OUTER SPACE or THE MYSTERIANS. Not that I don’t see some problems with the story. The residents of Mu show real shortsightedness in their attempts to keep Atragon from being used against them, as their every action seems destined to encourage that the machine be used, such as calling the attention of the Japanese government to its existence in the first place. However, the scenes of destruction are colorful and well done, and I enjoy various touches. I like the scene where the humans taken prisoner by the Mu empire are brought in during an impressively staged ritual dance, and I like the way that Kenji Sahara really underplays his role; given that the common acting mode in Japanese movies seems to be rather strident, underplaying is always a striking touch in their movies. I originally started watching this in the English-dubbed version on my disc, but the dubbed acting was so weak I eventually switched to the Japanese version with English subtitles, which I liked a lot better. Jun Tazaki’s role of Captain Jinguji was originally to have been played by the great Toshiro Mifune, but a prior commitment kept him out of the production. That’s a real pity; I would really liked to have seen him in one of these Japanese science fiction movies.

ALF’S CARPET (1929)
aka The Rocket Bus
Article 3170 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 2-17-2010
Posting Date: 4-19-2010
Directed by W.P. Kellino
Featuring Carl Schenstrom, Harald Madsen, Gerald Rawlinson
Country: UK
What it is: Fantastically themed comedy

Two ne’er-do-wells happen upon a magic carpet which they use to run their dilapidated second-hand bus. They then agree to help a woman find her missing father.

First of all, a little history. This movie was based on a play that was the sequel to the original play version of ALF’S BUTTON. The story appears to have been changed to accommodate the use of a pair of Danish comedians. The movie was apparently released in both sound and silent versions. Sometime during the sixties or seventies, a silent Danish print of this movie was edited and shown on TV in Germany (where the duo was known as Pat and Patachon) in two half-hour segments. In place of title cards, the story is fleshed out by a German translator who narrates the story and dubs in voices for all the characters. This is the version I’ve just seen. Let’s face it; this is hardly the ideal way to experience a movie.

Still, this is probably the closest I’ll come to seeing the movie. Thanks to doctor kiss, I was armed with a cursory plot description that clears up a few details, but most of the plot is fairly obvious, and since the majority of the humor involves slapstick antics, it’s not really that hard to figure out. The comedians have a bit of character to them, which makes the movie easier to enjoy. I could describe the German dubbing as awful if I felt it was meant to be convincing, but I don’t suspect it was ever meant to be, as the whole affair has that air of being narrated. Some of the special effects are quite good as well. So, despite the fact that my version is quite a long ways from the original movie, I enjoyed it nonetheless. At least I can now mark this one off the list.

L’AFFAIRE DES POISONS (1955)
aka The Poison Affair
Article 3143 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-15-2010
Posting Date: 3-23-2010
Directed by Henri Decoin
Featuring Danielle Darrieux, Viviane Romance, Paul Meurisse
Country: France / Italy
What it is: Historical crime drama with horror touches

A mistress, jealous of a new rival for the king’s affections, plans to frame the new mistress for the poisonings of several nobles.

I knew the bare basics of the plot before I saw this movie, but even with that as a helper, I found much of the movie, which I was only able to see in French without subtitles, very difficult to follow. Things get a little better about forty minutes into it when the poisonings begin, and though I spot a clear villainess, I still found the details very unclear because of my lack of comprehension of the language. So we’ll pass by the plot for the time being and look at the genre touches. The plot description I saw didn’t offer much help in this regard, though a case could be made for the “serial killer” theme. On seeing the movie, however, the touches become clearer; the story involves witchcraft and black masses, and part of the plot revolves around a wax doll of a woman which has a needle thrust through it. There’s also a harrowing torture sequence. Visually, it’s probably most enjoyable to people who love period costumes, but there are some sequences that have a nice moodiness to them. Still, until I can see it subtitled, I’ll reserve any sort of judgment on this one.

EL ASESINO INVISIBLE (1965)
aka Neutron Traps the Invisible Killer
Article 3139 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-10-2009
Posting Date: 3-19-2010
Directed by Rene Cardona
Featuring Jorge Rivera, Ana Bertha Lepe, Guillermo Murray
Country: Mexico
What it is: Mexican wrestler vs invisible man movie

The wrestler “The Golden Mask” must do battle with a homicidal invisible man.

For a while, this looked like it was going to be the Neutron movie I’d never see. In truth, I’d already seen all of the Neutron movies; this, despite the presence of Neutron’s name in the English version of the movie, does not feature Neutron, but a one-off wrestler called The Golden Mask, who, like Neutron, seems to be an actor rather than a real wrestler. Nevertheless, there are three wrestling scenes in this one. The first is at the very top of the movie, and I don’t remember if The Golden Mask was in it because I didn’t know what he was going to look like at the time. I know he isn’t in the second wrestling scene at all, and, though he appears in the third, that’s the only one that appears crucial to the plot, as the invisible man gets into the act. We do get plenty of nightclub scenes featuring Ana Bertha Lepe (who, based on seeing her name emblazoned across the marquee of the nightclub, appears to be playing herself), and some of her dances are pretty sexy. Still, I wouldn’t trust her with a gun; every time the invisible man shows up, she starts shooting all over the place. My copy is unsubtitled Spanish, and is a little difficult to follow, though I was able to pick up at least one plot element that gave me a clue to what was probably supposed to be a surprise ending. There’s a couple of clever moments (including one with a lynx), but overall, this isn’t one of the more memorable Mexican wrestler movies.

LES ALLUMETTES FANTAISISTES (1912)
aka Magical Matches
Article 3138 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-8-2009
Posting Date: 3-17-2010
Directed by Emile Cohl
No cast
Country: France
What it is: Animated abstract fantasy

Matches come to life, cavort, dance, and form themselves into figures who smoke.

I’m not sure if this is exactly the movie I’ve been hunting for, but I’ll review it anyway, as this type of abstract animation could be classified as a fantasy. This is the first movie I’ve seen by pioneer animator Emile Cohl, and it is utterly charming. There’s no plot; it jumps between pure abstraction and scenes about animated smokers; one smokes from a bewildering array of pipes, while another has his cigarette lit by any number of lighting devices. This can be found online at the Europa Film Treasures site, and is well worth hunting up.

THE ANTICHRIST (1974)
aka L’anticristo, The Tempter
Article 3114 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 12-6-2009
Posting Date: 2-22-2010
Directed by Alberto De Martino
Featuring Carla Gravina, Mel Ferrer, Arthur Kennedy
Country: Italy
What it is: Italian Exorcist rip-off

A woman with paralyzed legs and family issues is treated by a parapsychologist who discovers she was a witch in her previous life. His attempts to cure her result in her possession by the devil.

It takes THE EXORCIST and adds a dose of ROSEMARY’S BABY and a few touches of the Bridey Murphy story, throws in some incest themes, and tries to up the gross-out ante on occasion. Thanks to some sharp editing, some strong production values, wonderful location footage, and the addition of English-speaking actors (Mel Ferrer, Arthur Kennedy and George Coulouris) to minimize dubbing difficulties for American audiences, this ends up being one of the better Italian takes on THE EXORCIST I’ve seen to date. Still, it never really transcends being a rip-off; when all is said and done, it’s the equivalent of eating reheated leftovers. It might have helped if the actress playing the possessee had managed to engender our sympathy, but she’s too self-pitying and grudge-filled, and her primary facial expression is a contemptuous pout; I found it impossible to care for her plight. As a result, the movie, though well-made, left very little impact.

ALL THE COLORS OF THE DARK (1972)
aka Demons of the Dead, Tutti i colori del buio
Article 2981 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 7-6-2009
Posting Date: 10-11-2009
Directed by Sergio Martino
Featuring George Hilton, Edwige Fenech, Ivan Rassimov
Country: Italy / Spain

After she loses her child in a car accident, a woman finds herself being stalked by a blue-eyed man. Is it just her imagination brought on by the trauma, or is she in real danger? Will a psychiatrist be able to help her, or will taking part in a ritual with a Satanic cult help her?

If there’s anything this movie made me realize, it’s that I really loathe movies in which a troubled woman spends practically the whole movie on the verge of a nervous breakdown because she is being continually terrorized. This is especially true when the movie never bothers to establish her as a real three-dimensional character; she’s just someone to be terrorized, and that’s all the movie is interested in doing. I know these movies are supposed to be really scary, but I don’t end up scared – I end up annoyed, and the fact that this Italian giallo is chock-full of bizarre stylistic touches, surreal dream sequences, and “is it real or a dream” themes doesn’t alleviate my annoyance; if anything, it just makes me aware that the director is pulling the manipulative strings. Granted, movies are a manipulative medium, but the best movies are ones that make you want to be manipulated, and this one doesn’t do that for me. At least the ending is good, though it really doesn’t hold up to close inspection when considering the movie as a whole. Nevertheless, I do feel the need to point out that my reaction to this movie may be based on a personal quirk. If you don’t share that quirk, and are fond of giallos, this one may be for you; it is supposed to be one of Sergio Martino’s better movies. Use your own discretion on this one.

ALFALFA’S AUNT (1939)
Short
Article 2957 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 6-12-2009
Posting Date: 9-17-2009
Directed by George Sidney
Featuring Carl ‘Alfalfa’ Switzer, Marie Blake, Barbara Bedford
Country: USA

Alfalfa believes his aunt means to murder him when he reads a paper she dropped, unaware that it is a page from a mystery novel she is writing. He calls in the gang to help scare her out of the house.

I’m not a big fan of the Our Gang/Little Rascals series, probably because I’m not big on cute kid antics. Still, I will give this short some credit; at only ten minutes, it never runs the risk of being boring. It also doesn’t leave time for more than a handful of scare-the-aunt gags, as most of the running time is dedicated to setting up the plot. For those who want to keep the kids straight in their minds, Alfalfa is the one with the rogue cowlick. Passable and painless.

ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS (1966)
TV-Movie
Article 2908 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-24-2008
Posting Date: 7-30-2009
Directed by Alan Handley
Featuring Judi Rolin, Roy Castle, Jack Palance
Country: USA

Dorothy – no, I mean Alice – goes to Oz – no, I mean through the looking glass – to save the residents from the wicked witch – no, I mean the Jabberwock – so she must follow the yellow brick road – no, I mean the blue road – and… oh, forget it.

Given my love for the works of Lewis Carroll and my belief that faithful versions of the Alice stories may be unfilmable, you might expect that, even if this were a sincere, well-intentioned effort, that I might be disappointed. Unfortunately, it seems to me that someone involved with this production hated Lewis Carroll with a passion. It borrows the characters from the story, the basic concept of a world through the looking glass, selected snippets of the text (such as the first two verses of “Jabberwocky”), tries to shoehorn them into a plot obviously modeled off of the one in THE WIZARD OF OZ, and throws in a character called Lester the Jester (if the trivia of IMDB is correct, the character was an attempt to give the story its own version of the Scarecrow from THE WIZARD OF OZ) and adds lots of Broadway-style songs. If you think Broadway musicals are the pinnacle of human creation, hate real human emotions but love facile attitudinizing projected to the back row of the balcony, hate surreal verbal humor but love sloppily executed slapstick, think the human experience is best summed up in feel-good platitudes, and would like THE WIZARD OF OZ a lot better if it wasn’t scary at all and everyone had belted their lines in songs at top volume, then I suppose this might be for you. Me, I consider it an atrocity that works neither as an acceptable adaptation of the Carroll story or as a ripoff of its real model mentioned above; I found it nearly unwatchable. Yet, for all that, I actually like the casting; Jimmy Durante is a great choice as Humpty Dumpty, the Smothers brothers are inspired choices for Tweedledee and Tweedledum, and the various red and white kings and queens (Nanette Fabray, Agnes Moorehead, Robert Coote and Ricardo Montalban) are all good picks. The best scenes are the quieter ones or the ones where the performers are allowed to let their personalities shine through despite the bad script; Montalban manages to project an honest sincerity in a scene with Judi Rolin (who plays Alice) that marks the only time the movie shows any real heart. Durante and the Smothers Brothers both come through all right in their respective scenes, but it’s Jack Palance (who plays the Jabberwock) who really disappoints; it’s hard to imagine that this master of menace manages to so totally unintimidating. And the less said about the character of Lester the Jester, the better.