Accidents (1989)
Article 6096 by David Sindelar
Directed by Gideon Amir
Featuring Edward Albert, Leigh Taylor-Young, Jon Cypher
Country: South Africa, USA, France
What it is: Conspiracy thriller

A scientist discovers that his work intended to help humanity has been converted to finding a way to kill people. Then, one by one, everyone involved with the project begin dying in mysterious “accidents”

It’s question time!

• Why is it that, even thought there are some excellent ones out there, I find when a movie is described as a “conspiracy thriller” I brace myself for the worst?
• Will the healing/killing miniature flying saucer that serves as the fantastic content in the movie be used elsewhere in the movie but the opening scenes, or will it pine away as a mere Gizmo Maguffin? (I’ll answer this one. It’s used again before the movie ends, to the movie’s credit.)
• Is the movie’s slow pace due to the complexity of the conspiracy, or is it due to the fact they only had 20 minutes of script and had to pad the movie out with walking and driving scenes? (If you dare to watch, you’ll figure this out on your own.)
• If you know you’re on the conspiracy hit list and want to protect your daughter, would you leave her with one of the other people on the hit list for protection?
• Why did it take three countries to make this movie? And which one was responsible for the script?
• How is it that everyone (especially the hundreds of gunmen who appear near the end) can tell the good guys from the bad guys when they hadn’t a clue earlier?

There are a few other questions, but I’ve already spent way too much time on this one to make it worth the effort.

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Accumulator 1 (1994)
akd Akumulator 1
Article 6095 by David Sindelar
Directed by Jan Sverak
Featuring Petr Forman, Edita Brychta, Zdenek Sverak
Country: Czech Republic
What it is: TVs as blood-sucking vampires

A man is taken to the hospital for having been unconscious for several days. At first, no cause for the illness can be found, but the patient discovers that his television is sucking the life out of him.

This science fiction satire on the virulent effects of TV is a lot of fun. It posits a situation where people accosted in “Man in the street” interviews find that their TV appearance results in an alternate version of themselves which need sustenance, which they achieve by sucking the life from their original. I found this one fresh and entertaining. especially when it sends up action movie tropes in which TV remotes are substituted for guns. Zdenek Sverak steals the movie as a healer (but not a doctor) who tries to help the main character with his crisis. I quite liked this one.

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Aberration (1997)
Article 6094 by David Sindelar
Directed by Tim Boxell
Featuring Pamela Gidley, Simon Bossell, Valeriy Nikolaev
Country: New Zealand
What it is: Leapin’ Lizards

A woman trying to escape her past moves into an isolated cabin in the woods unaware that the area has an infestation of killer mutant lizards.

This is a basic variation on the mutant killer species sub-genre similar to EMPIRE OF THE ANTS or KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS. It’s bloodier and heavier on the gross-out factor of the earlier movies, but at least it has a sense of humor. It isn’t particularly convincing, but the leads are appealing enough that you might forgive it some of its flaws. There are only five characters in the movie, one of which is the requisite local color warning the heroine to escape while she still can. All in all, an adequate time killer.

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A quoi revent les jeunes films (1924)
aka What Do Young Films Dream About?
Article 6093 by Dave Sindelar
Director: Man Ray and Henri Chomette
Featuring KIki of Montparnasse, Jacques Rigaut
Country: France
What it is: Axant-garde cinema

We look at our world through the distorting lens of a camera.

My first attempt to locate this film got me nowhere. On my second attempt, I noticed some history of the film had been added. The movie was commissioned by a French count for his ballet. After a falling-out with the count, the two film-makers took their own footage and released them as their own productions, giving us Man Ray’s EMAK-BAKIA, and Henri Chomette’s JEUX DE REFLETS ET DE LA VITESSE and CINQ MINUTES DE CINEMA PUR, all of which are extant and easy to find. And since they’re all avant-garde abstract pieces, they could all probably be edited together without any sacrifice of coherence. The first movie builds upon a man tearing off his collar, the second observes light in subway and train tunnels, and the third dabbles in imagery that could only be produced on camera, making it ‘pure cinema’. For those fascinated by cinema as its own budding art form that owes nothing to anything, these are fascinating. For those looking for a story, you’re in the wrong place.

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Operation White Shark (1966)
aka A.D.3 operazione squalo bianco
Article 6091 from Dave Sindelar
Directed by Filippo Walter Ratti
Featuring Rodd Dana, Franca Polesello, Janine Reynaud
Country: Italy
What it is: Spyghetti

A secret agent has his hands full dealing with two groups of rival spies to keep them from getting their hands on an atomic detonator.

The atomic detonator is a gizmo maguffin of the most extreme type, and when you combine that with the total lack of gadgetry, you will realize that the fantastic content of this movie is nearly nonexistent. In fact, I suspect most Eurospy fans would find this one a snoozer as well; yes there’s pulchritude, action and humor, but the dead space takes up nearly half the movie. Unless you’re a Eurospy completist, you can safely leave this one on the shelf

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The Real Schlemiel (1995)
aka Die Schelme von Schelm, Aaron’s Magic Village
Article 6090 from Dave Sindelar
Directed by Albert Hanan Kaminski
Featuring the voices of Tommy J. Michaels, Ronn Carroll, Tovah Feldshuh
Country: France, Germany, Hungary
What it is: Hodgepodge of Jewish children’s stories by Isaac Bashevis Singer

An orphan Jewish boy moves in with relatives in Chelm, a town rumored to have more than its share of foolishness. Among other adventures, he encounters a golem and a Lantuch.

About halfway through this movie, the plot involves a boy and his goat taking refuge in a haystack from a blizzard, which I recall having seen as a separate short. It was only then I realized that I wasn’t watching an adaptation of a separate work but of an assortment of different stories, most of them from Singer’s STORIES FOR CHILDREN. Though I found the movie entertaining enough, it was also unfocused; in particular, the story of the sorcerer who creates a Golem feels like it doesn’t belong here, as it is at odds with the whimsical comedy of the rest of the movie. My favorite sequence has the title character getting turned around on his trip to Warsaw and returns home thinking this is a new village that bears an uncanny resemblance to his own home. It’s a mixed bag, but far from worthless.

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Ultraman Cosmos vs Ultraman Justice: The Final Battle (2003)
Article 6087 by Dave Sindelar
Directed by Kitaura Shimi
Featuring Taiyo Sugiura, Daisuke Shima, Kaori Sakagami
Country: Japan
What it is: Ultraman in epic mode

When Ultraman Cosmos comes to the rescue of a beleaguered space center, Ultraman Justice shows up and turns against him, helping his foes destroy the center. It turns out a huge cosmic being has condemned the human race to death and Ultraman Justice has joined the cause. Is Earth doomed?
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This is the third of what I can definitely call the Ultraman Cosmos movie trilogy. It takes place several years after the last movie. Though the Eyes organization has been modified, all of the familiar characters show up (including several monsters) and in fact, though he is the center of the story, Musashi is mostly absent throughout the middle of the movie. This one really tries to bet big, with more difficult challenges, lots of fighting and destruction, and the inevitable scenes where we think it’s all over only to have the filmmakers pull another magic rabbit out of the hat. I commend the movie’s ambition, but after a while it just gets exhausting, and I find myself preferring the TV shows for their relative modesty.

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