ATTACK OF THE ROBOTS (1966)
aka Cartes sur table
Article 2892 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-8-2009
Posting Date: 7-14-2009
Directed by Jesus Franco
Featuring Eddie Constantine, Francoise Brion, Fernando Rey
Country: Spain / France

A series of political assassinations have occurred. These have been committed by dark-skinned assassins who turn white upon death. On investigation, these assassins turn out to be kidnapped people turned into automatons, all of whom had a specific blood type. An Interpol agent (whose blood type matches) is sent on a mission, unaware that he’s actually being sent as a decoy to lure the assassins into the open.

It’s been ages since I’ve seen a Jess Franco movie (which, depending on your opinion of him, is either a blessing or a curse). As it turns out, this one (a spy adventure obviously influenced by the James Bond movies) is painless; it has a story, moves at a decent pace, and is consistently amusing. Part of the reason it remains amusing is the presence of Eddie Constantine, whose sense of humor I always find refreshing, and which I find much more likable than that of the James Bond movies for example. Furthermore, the fantastic content is much greater than is usual in these spy movies from the sixties. And I must admit it’s fun to see a spy movie of the era in good old black and white.

ARNOLD (1973)
Article 2891 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-7-2009
Posting Date: 7-13-2009
Directed by Georg Fenady
Featuring Stella Stevens, Roddy McDowall, Elsa Lanchester
Country: USA

A woman marries a rich man upon his death (his wife wouldn’t grant him a divorce) in order to get his fortune. She gets the inheritance, but only if she keeps his dead body with her for the rest of her life. Then, the dead man’s family begins dying in horrible ways, and the woman gets cassette tapes with the dead man’s voice indicating that he knows of the deaths.

This is another movie that I’d really like to like; it’s a comic revival of the “old dark house” motif, and even if the heirs aren’t required to stay in the house, there’s still the reading of the will, the painting with the eyehole, and the horrible deaths that may be from beyond the grave. It has some great gimmicks (the post-death marriage is novel, and I like a few touches, such as the man’s coffin having a tape deck installed) and a game cast all ready to give it their best shot, but it has problems; the direction is flat and dull, and it just isn’t very funny. Victor Buono comes off best as the minister who performs the marriage, but it’s a cameo, and most of the funnier bits are consigned to characters who aren’t associated with the main action of the movie. In particular, it’s a shame to see Stella Stevens wasted; she adds a certain pixieish charm to the proceedings, but, after the initial wedding gag, she’s really given nothing funny to do. The deaths are creative enough that this movie could have had a Dr. Phibes vibe in the right hands, but Georg Fenady is no Robert Fuest and there’s no character compelling enough to give the movie a strong center as Vincent Price’s was. I’m afraid I have to write this one off as a well-intentioned disappointment. Incidentally, this was Patric Knowles’s last movie.

AND SOON THE DARKNESS (1970)
Article 2890 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-6-2009
Posting Date: 7-12-2009
Directed by Robert Fuest
Featuring Pamela Franklin, Michele Dotrice, Sandor Eles
Country: UK

Two English girls are on a cycling tour across the French countryside, unaware that they may be targets for a killer/rapist.

This thriller is by the director of the Dr. Phibes movies, Robert Fuest. It’s slow to get started, but that’s all right; it’s one of those movies that’s intent on building the suspense for one big release rather than trying for a thrill-a-minute approach. It works because we gradually feel the alienation of the main character; once the two girls get separated and then one of them vanishes, the other one finds herself all alone in a strange country among people who generally don’t speak her language. Much of the movie is in unsubtitled French, but I’m willing to bet the movie is more effective if you don’t speak the language; nothing can leave you quite as on edge as having people talk all around you without being able to understand a word they’re saying. Furthermore, you’re not really sure who she should be frightened of; there are several characters who are acting very strange, and any one of them could prove to be the killer. Fuest does an excellent job of tightening the screws, using both music and silence to increase the tension. You’ll find problems with the plot after the movie is over, but that doesn’t really matter; what keeps you interested is that you don’t really know exactly how events will unfold. Nor will you know whether good or evil will emerge triumphant. All in all, this is one tidy little thriller.

…AND MILLIONS WILL DIE! (1973)
TV-Movie aka …And Millions Die!
Article 2889 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-5-2009
Posting Date: 7-11-2009
Directed by Leslie H. Martinson
Featuring Richard Basehart, Susan Strasberg, Peter Sumner
Country: USA

A representative of a non-political organization intent on fighting disasters of all kinds discovers the existence of a deadly nerve gas created by a former Nazi scientist. He must locate all of the missing canisters of the nerve gas which are hidden somewhere in Hong Kong before the residents therein become victims to it.

This was another TV-Series pilot masquerading as a TV-Movie, and actually, I think the concept (about the organization that fights disasters) might have made for a moderately interesting series. If it had, though, I hope the episodes would have had better scripts and direction that this one does. The nerve gas is the Gizmo Maguffin here, and the canisters of the gas are in danger from being released by a time bomb that is set to go off in three and a half days from the time the movie starts. This is actually not a bad setup, but the movie makes very ill use of it; despite the fact that there’s a definite deadline and the movie keeps cutting back to the time mechanism showing the countdown, there’s no sense of urgency. Furthermore, none of the heroes know of the bomb or the deadline until about ten minutes before the end of the movie. There are other clumsy elements to the movie; having the scientist’s daughter turn out to be a homicidal maniac might have worked had they established the clues early on; as it is, she remains a minor and forgettable character until late in the movie. These revelations smack of convenience more than good writing. The action sequences are also quite weak; there’s a chase on foot sequence that is singularly lacking in suspense. It is fun seeing a pre-comedy Leslie Nielsen as a villain, and Richard Basehart is quite likeble, but the dialogue they’re given is riddled with cliches. This is one TV-Movie that really fails to deliver the goods.

AMERICAN NIGHTMARE (1983)
Article 2888 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-4-2009
Posting Date: 7-10-2009
Directed by Don McBrearty
Featuring Lawrence Day, Lora Staley, Neil Dainard
Country: Canada

A pianist is searching for his sister who has become a prostitute. A psycho killer is on the loose killing prostitutes. Police hunt for the girl and the killer. Strippers at a strip joint strip.

It’s not really a slasher movie; our killer has something else on his mind than just killing prostitutes (though he definitely isn’t sane). It’s more of a Canadian giallo, and it looks and feels pretty much like you’d expect a Canadian giallo would – that is to say, it’s devoid of the stylistic touches you’d expect from an Italian giallo and has that flat, dull look you’d expect from a Canadian movie. It’s fairly sleazy; you’ll lose count of how many times the action (such as it is) screeches to a halt for another strip routine. It does have one jaw-dropping twist (involving the pianist’s father) that ends up not working because it’s painfully obvious that the body of the man in a certain video doesn’t match the body of the man he’s supposed to be. Still, I’m not sure that the twist (even if it had worked) could have lifted this movie out of the doldrums; as a whole, the movie is mechanical and uninspired.

THE ALPHA INCIDENT (1978)
Article 2887 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-3-2009
Posting Date: 7-9-2009
Directed by Bill Rebane
Featuring Stafford Morgan, John J. Goff, Carol Irene Newell
Country: USA

A group of people are quarantined in a small railroad station when they become infected with a microorganism from outer space. Since the microorganism is only activated by sleep, they must try to stay awake while scientists find a cure.

When I first began posting to message boards, whenever the subject of the worst directors of all time came up, my favorite one to nominate was Bill Rebane. I’d only seen three of his movies at this point (this one, MONSTER A-GO-GO and THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION), but they were enough for me. Nowadays, I’m not so sure; I don’t really hold him responsible for the worst of this lot (MONSTER A-GO-GO) as it was only partially his and wouldn’t have been released had Herschell Gordon Lewis not bought the footage and added his own, and I’ve seen enough movies by the likes of Jerry Warren to make me realize that there are far worse directors out there.

Still, this movie marked my first encounter with him and I ended up hating the movie with a passion when I first saw it years ago. I saw it when it popped up in the waning days of my local Creature Feature, and the combination of slow pace, unlikable characters, bad special effects and downbeat ending left me with the feeling that my Creature Feature was indeed scraping the bottom of the cinematic barrel.

The movie itself is something of a low-budget THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN crossed with NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD with touches of THE CRAWLING HAND. Watching it again, I do feel compelled to give it some credit; it’s not near as boring as it could have been (I was able to sit through the whole thing in one sitting), and certain scenes did wedge themselves into my memory from my first viewing (which is more than some other movies did). I still dislike it, though; the characters remain unlikable, and once the basic premise is set up, the character interactions become repetitious and tiresome. The John J. Goff character is the worst. He has three character interactions: he whines to the doctor about government involvement in his life, tries to come on to the sole woman present, and torments the shy, meek office worker (played by Ralph Meeker, the only name I recognized in the cast), and his character is given the most lines. The script is full of bad dialogue, and the acting doesn’t redeem it much, and the cynical undercurrent that pervades the whole movie just makes watching it an exercise in waiting for the other shoe to drop.

If the ratings on IMDB are any indication, this is Rebane’s best movie.

THE AERODROME (1983)
TV-Movie
Article 2885 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 4-1-2009
Posting Date: 7-7-2009
Directed by Giles Foster
Featuring Vass Anderson, Jill Bennett, Richard Briers
Country: UK

In the near future, a young man, disillusioned by the events around him that convince him that mankind is degenerate, joins the air force. He comes under the influence of a commander who has plans to extend the duties of the air force beyond merely protecting the citizens, but of also instituting a new order in which the citizens will be forced to live a way of life he deems worth protecting.

This British TV-Movie is a rather odd cross between dystopian political science fiction and soap opera. If this sounds like a rather dodgy idea, rest assured; this movie meshes them brilliantly, and the results are chilling and memorable. What makes it work is the way the soap opera elements play into the lives and shaping of the various characters we encounter, and this shaping defines and explains their actions; in short, it all ties together into a complete package. The vision of fascist forces at work in a small country town is particularly chilling; especially unsettling is a sequence where a soldier casually catches various residents of the town (attending an agricultural festival) in the sights of a machine gun. After the “accidental” death of a rector at the hands of a soldier, the air force further intensifies their control over the residents by sending one of their own men to deliver the soliloquy, and then replacing the rector with another soldier. Much of the story is told through the eyes of a young man, brought up as an orphan, who must deal with the revelations about his parentage and his wife’s unfaithfulness, and then must deal with the consequences of his involvement with several people after he joins the air force. It’s a powerful and memorable movie, with the theme of “cleansing” central to the story; various characters are trying to find a way to redeem themselves from the corruption around them. This one is highly recommended.