Month: March 2017

The Phantom Planet (1961)

THE PHANTOM PLANET (1961)
Article #1770 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-18-2006
Posting Date: 6-17-2006
Directed by William Marshall
Featuring Dean Fredericks, Coleen Gray, Anthony Dexter

Two astronauts embark on a mission to discover the secret behind a phantom planet that appears out of nowhere and destroys rockets. One crash-lands on the planet, and discovers a civilization of tiny people.

This is one strange movie. There are moments where it is engagingly surreal; the scene where the astronaut first encounters the little people is bizarre but quite fascinating. I also think the movie does a very nice job with the special effects for what must have been a very low budget. The plot is a bit of a mess, though, and is at times painfully contrived, especially with the two love triangles. The pacing is truly horrible as well, with long dull stretches of uninteresting talk, some of which sounds oddly Ed Woodian at times. The cast has some interesting names in it, though, with former silent star Francis X. Bushman appearing as the patriarch of the planet and Richard Kiel as a strange-looking dog-faced alien. Director William Marshall was formerly a singer for the Fred Waring Orchestra, and his son Mike Marshall appears in the movie.

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Orloff Against the Invisible Man (1970)

ORLOFF AGAINST THE INVISIBLE MAN (1970)
(a.k.a. LA VIE AMOUREUSE DE L’HOMME INVISIBLE / DR. ORLOFF’S INVISIBLE MONSTER / ORLOFF AND THE INVISIBLE MAN / ETC. / ETC.)
Article #1769 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-17-2006
Posting Date: 6-16-2006
Directed by Pierre Chevalier
Featuring Howard Vernon, Brigitte Carva, Fernando Sancho

A doctor is called to the castle of Dr. Orloff to help his daughter from an illness bought on by traumatic shock. Unfortunately, Orloff has an invisible monster on the loose…

I open this review with my jaw hanging open. Why? Because a perusal of the credits reveals an amazing fact – Jesus Franco had nothing to do with this movie. This blew the review I was planning to write out of the water, as it pretty much hinged on the incorrect assumption that this was a Franco movie. This is doubly amazing because this movie sure feels like a Franco movie.

So what did I like about this movie? Well, there’s a beautiful shot of a funeral procession as seen in the reflection of a lake that is simply breathtaking, and it is the type of shot I’d expect in a Franco movie. It’s all downhill from there, though. I thought at first that the movie could have been improved if they had simply omitted the scenes where nothing is happening (there are a few scenes of people just standing around doing nothing), but, truth be told, these scenes are only marginally less interesting that the ones where the invisible monster tries to rape naked women. There’s more of a plot than I’d expect from a Franco movie, but it’s not a very good one as it lurches from scene to scene without any real rhyme or reason. The worst moment is towards the end, where our young couple observe the castle’s devastating “conflagration” (which consists of a few puny fires, a smidgen of smoke, and the sound of crackling embers from a fireplace) and talk solemnly about how nobody could have survived such a thing. And once I got a glimpse of how our invisible monster really looked, I found myself missing Morpho more than ever. For fans of Pseudo-Franco only.

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On a Clear Day You Can See Forever (1970)

ON A CLEAR DAY YOU CAN SEE FOREVER (1970)
Article #1768 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-16-2006
Posting Date: 6-15-2006
Directed by Vincente Minnelli
Featuring Barbra Streisand, Yves Montand, Bob Newhart

A woman visits a doctor adept at hypnotism to cure her of chain smoking. He inadvertently discovers that she has psychic powers and past lives.

How’s this for a change of pace from the bloody action of DEATH RACE 2000 and 1990: THE BRONX WARRIORS – a romantic musical comedy take on the Bridey Murphy theme? Yes, I think it’s too long, but then I’m not a Barbra Streisand fan; though I have no problems with her as an actress, she rarely does movies that interest me, and since she works in a mode that has no appeal to me, I have no use for her as a songstress. Quite frankly, the names that most caught my attention in the cast were those of Jack Nicholson, Simon Oakland and Bob Newhart, and though they all do well in their respective roles, not one of them is on the screen long enough to really make a big impression. There are things I quite like in the movie; I love the time-lapse flower photography, two of the musical numbers were cute enough to catch my attention (the one where Streisand takes advantage of the fact that she’s playing more than one character to sing a duet with herself, and the one where her telepathic ability picks up a song Montand is speaking through any variety of hosts). Some of the reincarnation themes are mildly interesting, but once the we reach the point where the movie clearly becomes aware of itself as a romantic comedy, most of that goes by the wayside. I do like the ending, though; it manages to go against the grain of the romantic comedy while still retaining a satisfying emotional flavor. One personal point of contention is Streisand’s accent; whenever she kicks into high comedy with that accent of hers, I keep seeing the second coming of Huntz Hall and start looking around for Leo Gorcey to hit her over the head with his hat.

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1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982)

1990: THE BRONX WARRIORS (1982)
Article #1767 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-15-2006
Posting Date: 6-14-2006
Directed by Enzo G. Castellari
Featuring Vic Morrow, Christopher Connelly, Fred Williamson

In the near future (1990, to be exact), an heiress to an armaments empire escapes from Manhattan and hooks up with a gang leader in the Bronx named Trash. However, the powers that be want her back, and send a cop named Hammer into the Bronx to find her and bring her back.

From Sword-and-Sandal movies to James Bond ripoffs to Spaghetti Westerns to movies like these, you can always count on the Italian film industry to find some new action movie paradigm which they can use as a template to produce a huge amount of product with which to flood the market. I got this one as part of a collection of post-apocalyptic movies, but there is no mention of an apocalypse in the storyline. However, there is a certain similarity to movies like THE ROAD WARRIOR here, as well as to ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK and (especially) THE WARRIORS. This movie contains lots of bloody but photogenic violence, a pouty but good-looking hero who (or whose dubber) can’t act his way out of a wet paper bag, a villain who is played by the most familiar name in the cast, a variety of bizarre theme gangs to liven up the proceedings, and a whole slew of strange weaponry. Take out all of the violence and you have the beginning and ending credits. Take out the cussing and you cut the script in half. It all ends with violent free-for-all involving motorcycles, helicopters and flame-thrower wielding horseman that damn near kills off the entire cast. The ending is a little downbeat, with the final moral being that the corporate police state will eventually crush you under its thumb, but until then, you can get a little satisfaction out of taking out its goons. The characters have names like Hammer, Hot Dog, the Ogre, Trash, Golan, Ice, Witch, Hawk, Blade and Leech. The movie also features action-movie and former football star Fred Williamson, whose mustache has so much character it should get a separate credit.

I get the funny feeling that I’m going to end up watching a lot of movies like this…

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Death Race 2000 (1975)

DEATH RACE 2000 (1975)
Article #1766 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-14-2006
Posting Date: 6-13-2006
Directed by Paul Bartel
Featuring David Carradine, Simone Griffith, Sylvester Stallone

In the future, the president hosts a cross-country road race where contestants get points for running down pedestrians.

I once read a review of a Ramones album that claimed that they would point out the very disturbing inspirations for the energy of their music while tapping into that energy at the same time. In some ways, this movie works on the same level. It was based on a rather vicious short story, and it occurred to Roger Corman that you could have something very effective if you placed a layer of political satire over the story. The resulting movie works on several levels; it takes a look at the public thirst for violence while gratifying it at the same time. Yes, the movie is more than a little disturbing, but it’s always quite hilarious; I’ve never forgotten the scene where the old folks home puts out an assortment of geriatrics (which offer high scores due to their age) to serve as targets for the driver named Frankenstein, but Frankenstein (who has his own agenda) has a surprise for them. Because it’s working on so many levels, it makes sense that we have the gratuitous nudity during the massage sequence; after all, exploitation was simply one of the levels of the movie. It inspired a video game that was even more controversial, owing to the fact that video games were primarily aimed at children at that point. Ultimately, the movie is quite fascinating, with its awareness of the nature of its own themes and its sense of humor being its biggest saving graces.

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The Land that Time Forgot (1975)

THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT (1975)
Article #1765 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-13-2006
Posting Date: 6-12-2006
Directed by Kevin Connor
Featuring Doug McClure, John McEnery, Susan Penhaligon

A small boat of survivors of a sunken British ship manage to capture a German U-Boat, but in the ensuing power struggle, they get lost in the ocean. They manage to find a previously undiscovered prehistoric world called Caprona.

This was the first of four adventure movies directed by Kevin Connor and starring Doug McClure that were made in the mid-to-late seventies; I’ve already covered the last one, WARLORDS OF ATLANTIS for this series. Though none of them are very good, there seems to be a certain amount of affection for the series, and even I, who never warmed to them, feel reluctant to dwell on their flaws. I think it might be because I admire these movies for the modesty of their goals and their lack of pretension. At heart, they were trying to revive an old-fashioned type of adventure story that had almost vanished in cinema at that time, and even if I don’t warm to the movies themselves, I warm to the concept. Yes, the special effects are often less than convincing, but they’re not so bad that they merely become laughable, and I would imagine that anyone who came to these movies for the sole purpose of having a good time would find them acceptable. In fact, there were certain elements of this movie I really liked; the concept that as you go further north in Caprona, the evolutionary level progresses, and my favorite moment is the one where the primitive caveman Ahm leaves his new companions and joins another tribe as he moves up the ladder of evolution himself. Still, I wish the movie really did more with the concept. My favorite character is probably that of the U-Boat commander, Captin Von Shoenvorts, and I was about to praise the performance of John McEnery, but I just discovered that his voice was dubbed by Anton Diffring in this movie, so both actors merit a mention in this regard. The cast also includes Anthony Ainley, who would take over the role of The Master on “Doctor Who” in a few years.

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The Illustrated Man (1969)

THE ILLUSTRATED MAN (1969)
Article #1764 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-12-2006
Posting Date: 6-11-2006
Directed by Jack Smight
Featuring Rod Steiger, Claire Bloom, Robert Drivas

A wanderer encounters a stranger whose entire body is covered with illustrations that come alive and tell stories.

If there is any single author to whom I’m most sensitive in the way their work is adapted to the big screen, it is Ray Bradbury. At least part of this reason is due to the fact that he was my fantasist of choice throughout my youth, and that no other writer has ever quite conjured up that sense of magic that I get when I read him. As a result, I developed an enormous dislike for this adaptation of his anthology of short stories when I first saw it because I felt it exhibited none of the lyricism of his work.

Watching it again now, I would amend that statement only slightly. It does have moments where it catches a bit of that magic, but those moments are fleeting. It isn’t so much that the adaptations don’t follow the plots of the original stories; actually, of the four stories involved (framing story included), only the sequence based on “The Last Night of the World” fails to do so. My problem is more on the level of a betrayal of the spirit of Bradbury’s work. The movie is preoccupied with sex, has a streak of vulgarity, and is rather mean-spirited, and it is these touches that I find to be contrary to the spirit of Bradbury’s work. If you add to that the turgid pacing and the fact that the movie feels glum and morose, you can understand my reaction. Even at his darkest, there is a zest and joyfulness to Bradbury’s work; this movie is joyless. On a side note, Bradbury only agreed to sell the rights to this work if the director could get Steiger, Burt Lancaster or Paul Newman for the title role, and though Steiger does a good job, I would really have liked to have seen Lancaster in the role myself.

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Blood of the Zombie (1961)

BLOOD OF THE ZOMBIE (1961)
(a.k.a. THE DEAD ONE)
Article #1763 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-11-2006
Posting Date: 6-10-2006
Directed by Barry Mahon
Featuring John MacKay, Linda Ormond, Monica Davis

A man takes his new bride to the plantation near New Orleans which falls into his possession at the time of his marriage. However, the woman who runs the plantation has no intention of giving it up, and plans to use voodoo to help her.

Some thoughts on BLOOD OF THE ZOMBIE…

1) This is the type of movie that opens with the resurrection of a zombie in the first two minutes, and then doesn’t get back to the zombie until the movie is almost three quarters over, at which time, the same resurrection footage is used one more time.

2) This is the type of movie that, despite the fact that it has a running time of only sixty-eight minutes, still feels compelled to spend the first fifteen minutes of the movie having our hero and heroine take a tour of New Orleans to see jazz musicians and exotic dancers while resolutely refusing to advance the plot.

3) This is also the type of movie in which, once they do get to the plot, you wish they had spent more time with the jazz musicians and exotic dancers.

4) This is the type of movie in which the zombie of the title looks like the recent incarnation of Michael Jackson. With all that funky drumming that goes on during his attack sequences, you’d think he’d have a found a little time to do a moonwalk or something, but no such luck.

5) This is the type of movie in which the zombie gets confused by the fact that there are two women in the house and so kills the wrong one. Good help is so hard to find.

6) This is the type of movie where the sound quality varies each time the story moves to a new location.

7) This is the type of movie with which you can play the DS Alternate Title Game. The game is simple; try to figure out whether the movie you are watching is using its original title or an alternate title just by watching the opening credits. In this case, it’s definitely using the alternate title, as I noticed that the title comes on during a freeze frame of the current action, which jumps ahead several seconds when the rest of the credits roll. This game has become a new hobby of mine.

8) This is the type of movie where the worst actress in the film is playing a character with the same first name as her own. I don’t know about you, but if I ever gave a really stinky performance on stage, I would hope it would with a character that didn’t share my first name.

9) This is the type of movie where, when the voodoo priestess tells the handyman that they have to redo the voodoo ceremony (because the zombie killed the wrong woman), he pauses just long enough for you to figure out that he’d much rather spend his time staring at the pinup on the wall.

10) Finally, this is the type of movie that is directed by a man whose own life story would have made a much better movie. In fact, it did; the character played by Steve McQueen in THE GREAT ESCAPE was loosely based on that of our director, war hero Barry Mahon, who helped build escape tunnels while he was a prisoner at Stalag Luft III. He was also a personal pilot and later a manager for Errol Flynn. He was also the first movie producer to use computer technology in production of theatrical and TV-Movies for Columbia Pictures. I’m glad that in these ways he really made his mark on the world of cinema, because, based on what I’ve seen of his work, I think he’s better off remembered for these other accomplishments than for his abilities as a director.

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The Remarkable Andrew (1942)

THE REMARKABLE ANDREW (1942)
Article #1762 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-10-2006
Posting Date: 6-9-2006
Directed by Stuart Heisler
Featuring Brian Donlevy, William Holden, Ellen Drew

When an accountant attempts to call attention to an imbalance in the public books, he finds himself the target of a trumped up charge of extortion by corrupt politicos. However, he has a friend trying to help him out of his predicament – the ghost of Andrew Jackson.

The John Stanley guide from which I drew this title describes it as a propaganda piece, and perhaps it is. However, despite the 1942 date on the movie, it is not wartime propaganda in the least; in fact, the only reference to the war mentions it in terms of something that the United States is currently not involved in. No, the target here is small-town political corruption, and the screenplay was wriiten by Dalton Trumbo (based on his novel), who would later be blacklisted in Hollywood.

I think the movie works best as a comedy. Given Andrew Jackson’s volatile personality, he’s probably not the best choice for a historical figure to help you solve your personal problems, especially when his recommendations usually involve hangings or duels. It is, however, highly amusing in this regard, even if it does end up relying in the most cliched of ghost comedy traditions by having much of the humor revolve around the fact that the hero is the only one who can see the ghost. The scene in which Andrew Jackson summons up the greatest law team in history is a definite highlight, as we get the ghosts of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Chief Justice John Marshall and Benjamin Franklin, as well as an unknown private from the revolutionary war and a highly anomalous Jesse James. As a drama, it’s less effective; even give a law team such as this one, I find it really hard to believe that the courtroom ploy used by our hero would actually have the results it has in this movie. Still, William Holden does a find job as the beleagered bookkeeper, and Brian Donlevy has a field day as Andrew Jackson. This is a unique, rather odd comedy, to be sure.

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Peter Pan (1953)

PETER PAN (1953)
Article #1761 by Dave Sindelar
Viewing Date: 1-9-2006
Posting Date: 6-8-2006
Directed by Clyde Geronimi, Wilfred Jackson, Hamilton Luske
Featuring the voices of Bobby Driscoll, Kathryn Beaumont, Hans Conried

Peter Pan whisks away three children from their London home to the world of Neverland.

If I were to choose what differentiates Disney’s “great” animated features from the ones they did that are merely “good”, I would say that it was the sense of drama that pervades the great ones; they weren’t just exercises in humor and whimsicality, but had a way of touching the emotions that transcended the fact that you were only watching animated characters. By this criteria, PETER PAN belongs to the pantheon of merely good; it not only fails to add a sense of drama to the proceedings, but it doesn’t even aspire to do so, a fact that is underscored by the decision to treat Captain Hook as primarily a comic villain. Still, when Disney was good, they were very good, and there are some real pleasures among the characters here. In particular, the character of Tinkerbell steals the show; with nary a line of dialogue, she manages to project a variety of intriguing emotions, from her jealousy at the presence of Wendy to concern about the state of her figure. Furthermore, if you are going to have a comic villain, you couldn’t do any better than to go with Hans Conried, who would go on to provide the voice for the most famous comic villain of all, Snidely Whiplash. The sequences with the canine nursemaid Nana are also quite fun. And there is something truly magical about the flying pirate ship in the final scenes of the movie.

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